excuse

I had a dream about my family. I was home in the house we lived in and both my brother and myself were living there. I felt as though we were our current age and my mom was her current age. I was frustrated. I didn't feel like anyone understood the situation that I was going through. No one listened. And in having lived in that situation and possibly not being heard, it was my excuse to be less than and not live up to my potential. It was interesting to feel the strong feelings of struggle, loneliness in not being  understood and so on, but at the same time thinking what a waste of all of these years.

frog

The dream was part cartoon ... the frog. Myself and some people were swimming. We were having a good time I think...  and there was a frog in there with us. He was a cartoon, but you could tell he was having fun and happy too.... One of the women start not seeming happy. She was on the surface, but was angry or bitter, then another man was nervous... when these things happened the frog would get hurt or sink. I dove down to get the frog and brought him back to his floatie. He seemed to be doing ok again, but I was worried... but that didn't help him. The more these people were  unhappy, or we worried about him not being happy he would sink. The way to make him not sink, was to just be happy. The frog died. :(

punishment

being in a pub with a high school friend and?? and wanting to order... but possibly too late.... wanted one thing... fries sounded good but knew not good for me and everyone else ordered healthy. mike from uk ordered potato salad

then bartender asked us to write a list of the seats.... table 1 - seat 1,2,3  so 1-1, 1-2, etc. to estimate #of orders or something like that..... or check for mistakes. I found one, almost in a "found one!" sort of way and overheard the bartender saying that if he had enough issues, and his license is checked (he was in trouble for something in the past).... minor, and if they found out, his job would be gone, so I got rid of the information....

dreamt of WW (friend in the Netherlands) ... and crossing intersections... he said each time you cross one you have to pay.... I don't remember him paying so I was asking for clarification... maybe he meant something else?? I said we don't pay here..... he said of course you don't in america..... but blah blah etc... like it was a higher thing (in the way it is "higher" to live hard or live with less or no pain, no gain) to have to pay to get through something...

sophie, dresses, ex's

First I dreamt of my dog Sophie. I havent' had her since 2004 and she might have passed away by now. In my dream I was watching her for someone else in a house. She was being cute and playful as always. I was walking her around in town and she was about to dart out in the road, so I picked her up. I could feel how soft her fur was etc. (she was a lhasa apso). I said something like... maybe you should be my dog again... she agreed some how. It felt nice and right.

- - - -

I went to an exboyfriend's house. I had forgotten I had left some things. I had some little piece of furniture and then a pile of clothes I had forgotten about. Most of the clothes were new and they were dresses and some shoes. I was excited because I didn't feel I had enough clothes and they were also fun. When I am low on clothes, I tend to buy practical things. My exboyfriend was there with me and he was being very nice and helpful. I think we were past anything that was uncomfortable and remembering the nice things. His brother was there too. He was showing me a headboard he made for me. He said he had the idea before we broke up, but he had finally finished it and would like me to have it. It was different in that the back of the headboard had one corner touching the wall as normal and as you went to the other corner that supported the bed that  would normally be against the wall, it went out at about a 30 degree angle away from it. In the space between the bed and the wall was a flat surface and there was a small sink (In the dream my wall in my bedroom had plumbing there). I thought... I guess that could be handy...??  But it was very nice of him and it felt very nice. I went to my car to drive it closer to get my clothes, and when I came back, his mother (who wasn't my biggest fan) had sold my clothes in a garage sale she was having. I was kind of mad, but more I was wanting to hunt down the person and get the things back. I knew they had to be close. I was only gone a second. I had everyone looking for me and we finally found all of the clothes. The mother wanted to look through everything to make sure.. she was almost going to charge me for them... (and really, I didn't care... just wanted them). She saw one dress that wasn't mine. At this point she turned into a boss I had on the weekends when I was in high school. She was a bit of a know it all, a bit controlling. When she started talking I immediately tensed up and was on the defense. I had the feeling that she is someone who controls, tries to take your freedom away and so on. But my reaction was to defend even if there was nothing to defend against. But I got my things and was on my way...

- - - -

Not sure where this one started... but I had some complication going on between my exboyfriend from high school and some other students. It is like in high school when everyone gets involved with a relationship like it is an old village and they are all working together to make sure things go ok. Kind of sweet in a way looking back at it. But at some point I was in a store. I was about to go on vacation and didn't have many things, so I thought I should buy at least a couple of light tops. I was walking and found a nice light blue-green one that was not so much a t-shirt, so it could be worn for nicer things. At this point a clerk walked up to me that knew me. A guy classmate had come in and was looking for me. I told him thank you and that I would hide amongst the clothes for a while. I had been having a nice time leisurely shopping and didn't want to stop yet. I had a few things under my arm and wanted to try them on and then I ran into more classmates. They were saying that guy A was saying we went out, but what about guy B and so on. I said I hadn't seen anyone in a year, so they maybe have a good imagination. They were all being friendly and nice and mainly were concerned for my well being as much as their's. We sat near the registers. There were some steps and some displays near us with some small hand bags, belts and things. there was a silver frog that was standing with a large opening for his mouth. I kind of wanted to buy it for the office to hold my pencils. I was looking at these things as my friends were talking. One friend was saying that she had just lost some more weight (she was larger but now very small). She was all happy, but the friend next to her had gained and wasn't showing that she was super happy for her. The guy that had come looking for me was sitting by me. I had always had a crush on him in high school and he had always been nice.

- - - - - -

Then some dream I was working... having lunch or dinner at a restaurant. The woman was serving us in a speedy manner. She was apologizing for her manner in a way, saying "people think because I am fast, that I'm being rude, but I'm just trying to be efficient and get everything everyone needs." I told her I didn't mind. She didn't seem rude as much as not pleasant to be around. We were about to pay the bill and my friend and I were figuring out tip and cash or credit and so on... He had dropped some money and I had picked it up and then there was confusion about tip. He thought I would tip her too much and I had said no.... I just want to make sure she is tipped.

dalai lama

I dreamt I was part of this group of people. Not sure if it was a work group, a school, or???  I was asked to make a fan ? or a ??? for the dalai lama that was visiting. I had to make it out of red and orange tissue paper or cloth that was given to me. I had a second of a feeling of "how do I do this??" and "why me?" and "will my colleagues be upset I was chosen?" The second went quick. I had a task to perform, I was happy to perform it and I knew it would come to me on how to do it. I went into the room where he would speak. It was a small room with about 4 to 5 rows of tables covered in red cloth that were low to the ground. I went to the back row and started wrapping and twisting and had just about finished. I could hear people milling into the room. One of the head people was saying "why are we using orange and red together, that is just stupid." I wondered for a second if I should take the orange out of my project, but realized that is what the dalai lama was wearing."  A man came by me and wanted to sit by me, but I could also see he was checking the table. I looked up and had realized there were name cards on the tables as to where you should sit. The dalai lama was in the room at this time and was looking around pleased. I had one more thing to fasten on the thing I was making but thought I had better find my correct seat. I looked around and I was at the front. I saw that we had a notebook at each sitting and some supplies. I wondered if it was ok to use tape to finish. I decided to go ahead and use it. 

cake

I remember the end of the dream... my hair was horrible. The last person who covered for my hairdresser damaged it and I didn't feel like I could go out. My normal one was out for surgery. I went back into the salon hoping they could help me or cut it. I went in and they were milling about chatting. I think some event in the salon was going to happen. The women were the kind that are boisterous and laughed loud, but were sad and angry on the inside. The more sharp and loud their laugh, the more pain the were feeling. I thought I should first ask how my hairdresser was doing after surgery and I'm not sure I had an answer, but she was fine and then in the salon. I didn't feel like I could ask for my needs to be met because they seemed all busy with theirs. Due to her returning, they had a cake for her. It was a shallow sheet cake almost like a jelly roll pan and the frosting was designed in to squares with a dot of frosting in the middle of each. Easier to cut etc. As they left, I was eating the cake... first one piece, then two... then I realized I had a handful of pieces and it was noticeable. I'm not sure why I was eating it. I wanted to leave and I didn't care for cake so much. I heard someone walking up to the door and saying.. oh that "fill in name"  ... she has zero control over her eating. I felt stuck like I should hide the cake.

basement apartment

I was driving my car home realizing I had been back home 3 days and hadn't checked for an important letter. For some reason, I wasn't supposed to be driving. A police car was sticking its nose out of a mcdonalds driveway and so I saw him, panicked and then turned down the next street and parked in someone else's driveway and started to walk away thinking I would walk home. I realized that would defeat the "getting the important letter" purpose, so I turned around to walk back. I could hear a voice that sounded like my dad's. I looked up and saw that he was at some music equipment store across the street. I walked quickly and avoided his eyes. He saw me. I kept walking and went straight to my car. I knew he would be busy for a few more minutes. I walked back to my car and there was a man there... seemed homeless and he was talking to me loudly and I was trying to be invisible. It wasn't working and my dad came around the corner. I said I was in a hurry... had to pick someone up and I guess I took off. Although I really stayed there. Some women were showing me a basement apartment. It wasn't quite finished but it would due for the price and it had oddly high ceilings for being a basement. A young couple came in.. young woman that was french I think and very pretty and lithe and a young man that would bounce back and forth from being black or asian. She had come to see me because I was known (in the dream) for my design skills with clothing and 3D visual ability to solve problems with shapes. She sort of irritated me from the first moment. At first I thought... oh...maybe I'm just jealous because they are young, free spirited, attractive and following their hearts... why hadn't I? But then I realized it was more that she was trying to get by things.. not necessarily in an intentional way, but she herself wasn't aware of herself, her surroundings, how she affected other things and others. I was showing her a way of creating a pattern and was telling her to be very careful of the what looked like very thing but somewhat flexible mirror sheets. She barely listened to me and then broke one with a dumb look on her face and no hint of an intention to replace it or utter an apology... More like it was a natural disaster that couldn't be helped.

movie, fiesta ...???

I dreamt I was in a movie theater with friends and family. The movie was playing and it was dark. There was a control panel on the seat back in front of me and it was to watch previews of other movies. I pushed play and didn't realize it would be in a 3D hologram type thing. A man that seemed a little larger than a human popped out of the panel and leaned over me while other items came out the sides, but I didn't notice those so much. He was the main focus and telling the story of the movie. I didn't really pay attention to what he was saying because I was embarrassed that I pushed play during the movie and was disturbing other movie goers. The feeling of this 3D character was nice. Although I could see through him, he also seemed and felt (emotionally) real. I didn't want the projection to stop because it seemed like it was the only thing happening to me that was nice.  A boy walked by and was excited about the projection just as it stopped and he was asking how he could see it too. Then we left.. my mom was in it. Not a good feeling with her again.

We left here and were?? not sure where. I think there had been a Christmas of sorts or? There were present type things around. Some little dolls that when I was younger (in my dream)... had some meaning for me. Originally they were Christmas dolls and they had decided to make them in fall colors. Normally I think I would have liked the idea, but this time I didn't. It felt like hmm... like taking away from something... using another's idea... making for making's sake to make money without the original intent.

We were walking back to the apartment and then I think it was just me. I'm not sure what city I was living, but the area didn't seem so nice. A friend (MW) of a friend stopped over meaning to see my friend (MB). I was getting ready to go out (must have taken a shower at some point) and he was chit chatting. We were talking about exercise. I knew that (MB) had criticized him for doing Pilates, but I liked it... so I brought up that I liked it out of the blue and he was so happy to share with someone how good it was for him. I was then telling him about some I'm doing and so on. Then as I was leaving he asked me something about (MB) and if I knew blah blah... and I did know blah blah.... so we had something else shared.

I went outside and there were stacks and stacks of bread next to light poles. The bakeries would leave them there instead of throwing it out over night. I thought it was strange that people were not taking them (homeless, birds and so on). The neighbors in the small apartment were having a party for their daughter. They didn't speak English, but they were cooking and decorating and the mother was in good spirits and excited. We (it wasn't really my apartment... maybe MB's), shared a backyard and she was going into MB's fridge to get some supplies. Some friends were yelling at her to let her know it is not a community fridge, but she was only taking one quarter of a water melon and some strawberries. She was making a bit of a sculpture with it to be eaten later. 

yelling colors

Last night... horrible dream. I was at my mom's and I felt ?? enclosed? controlled? etc. I was trying to tell her things but she wouldn't believe me. I was screaming (the truth) at her and he just wouldn't listen... I woke up breathing super hard and fast. Was weird.

-----

Then I had a dream I was in school.. First I was in a playground and found some gloves.... first some leather, then I realized there were a few pairs, all black, all different and all new. Initially I thought I should take them to the lost and found, but then I kind of wanted to try them on... and also thought.. hmm... all of these new gloves that are random, probably someone stole them (more of an excuse to not turn them in). I thought I would go try them on first in the office and then turn them in. I was trying to but the a short haired blond woman asked if I had found some clothes.... I said no.... then later I said... well these gloves. I knew she had been involved in shady stuff and I just didn't want to be a part. Then I was looking in the school and everything was soft and colorful. They said it was a new design they were trying at our school. Bouncy floors and walls and strange things to climb. I thought this would all be nice as long as nothing would spill on it.

tomato sauce

I dreamt I was at this small restaurant. I knew some of the people that worked there. This Italian guy was the main chef and?? I was thinking of getting a part time job there as a waitress while I went back to school for ?? A friend of mine asked for an application for me. This little old Italian man worked there too. I was late there one night and the Italian guy was saying how busy he was. He had to work there all day and then at night made the tomato sauces. One spicy for pizza and one more mild for pasta. I think he was hinting that I could do that job. I liked the idea because I wasn't really into my schedule changing each week and being a waitress. I said I would do it. I was peeling and seeding tomatoes while we talked. The next day the old man came in to taste the sauces. I was feeling like they were not up to par because the tomatoes I used didn't have much flavor. I knew he thought so too, but also was expecting worse from my first try.

- - -

I was with a friend of mine from Chicago. She had an old brown station wagon and we were off doing some errands for her. She went into a store and I was getting bored waiting, so I went in too. I was a little concerned because I didn't lock the car with the little dog, but it was also a very small town. We left the store to find the wagon and the dog. She was saying... you want to watch a movie tonight? There is that movie done by the same guy as "the breakfast club."  I knew what she meant, but didn't really want to see it.

costume

I dreamt I was with schoolmates I've never met before. We were all to attend a costume party and I was supposed to go as someone from the Renaissance  .... white wig, large dress etc. I was running through my mind of where to find things. A little stressed... a little excited... I knew I had stockings... and I would make it happen. It was something too fun to mess up.  Then there was a car ... it ran out of gas... the whole dream felt like an out of luck, out of money student... scraping to get by to do fun things... but still in a stressful way. 

waiting room and Peter Jackson

I dreamt I walked into a waiting room. There was a couch with divided cushions and a wooden frame against the wall facing me and then the wall to the right seemed to be beyond my vision and the reception was to the left.

There were a few people in there, some I felt I knew, others felt like strangers. I immediately noticed a guitar case shaped thing on the floor and knew I wanted it. It seemed there was a sort of antiques or estate sale going on in the waiting room. I was rustling for dollars in my wallet as I walked up to it wanting to make my claim. For some reason I knew the item was $13.00 and I knew I had enough. It was a case like a guitar but it seemed larger, like a bass, but flat like a guitar case. The case itself was a warm brown color with blond stitching and the inside was a blond tweed look. The body of the case opened up to reveal a turn table, cassette players and a cd player. I took an old album out and tested it. It sounded amazing. I was so happy to have found it. It was two things that I liked... something old with a story and good quality. I went back to waiting room mode and an old high school mate walked in. I had recently seen him at a reunion, but this version of him was almost morphing him between his high school appearance and present time. He was excited and high spirited, half way between the past and the future and very unsure of who he was and was here for a change. He seemed to know he wanted it for sure and that he would get it.

Then the right wall that I couldn't see before was an opening to the outside. There seemed to be a large gathering ... like a reunion. Peter Jackson came up to me. He felt like an old friend. He was showing me this metal object in his hand. It was almost like a large egg shape on top but ornate and beautiful and then was larger on the bottom. I'm not sure what it was meant for. I commented on in and the said something like ... aaah... it comes with the job.. people giving you things like this... We got on a little scooter with a trailer hitched to the back. He was riding... We were driving through the grass on a small path and we tipped over slightly. It was easy to pick it up, as it was so small, but we decided a drive through an orchard on the soft ground might not be a good idea, so we turned back. We ended up back at the gathering... it was getting to be dusk and there were lights hanging in the trees. There was an outdoor bar, but I really didn't want a drink...

drought...

Hmm.. having a hard time remembering my dreams lately... which is odd for me.

I was checking out places with a friend.... not sure where or why...

I had a few dreams... about 3... and I think they all (including the above) felt like they had to do with testing, analyzing and choosing... Like I have pared things down to the last few choices, and with these I am to dig deeper, get clear and go ahead and make the choice. Not frenetically, but promptly.