Inner Outer

Ok.. before I went to bed last night, I was thinking about how sometimes with people I don't know well, I can knee-jerk into people pleasing mode. Not in a servant, what can I do for you - kind of way, but in a... I can see how they think, know what they like, put myself in their shoes... and so I put my opinions on hold and kinda see their way for a while. In doing this, no one really meets "me." That is not why I do it, but that is an unfortunate result of it, besides spending a lot of time not being me.

Soo... my first dream I was in the late 17th century (going by clothing etc.). I was not low society, but not high society... I could mingle with the higher ones, and was friends with the lower ones. It seems in this dream I left my lower ones and grabbed the hand of a man that I would meet only to gain social status. But when I walked with him and talked, he was wearing scrubs and he ended up being someone I was very close to. He said things to me that were things we used to talk about years ago. It really touched me to where I started crying (and it actually woke me up). It was the kind of thing that was so touching and sweet that it made you cry.

The next dream I was with all these actor types. We were at some fun park of sorts or resort. All of us were staying in hotel rooms. I was the "dork" of the group. I wasn't as pretty, thin, witty, etc. etc. I was reacting off everyone and so was bobbling around never quite feeling myself. Was kind of a miserable feeling. Trying to see what they might like or want and catering to it... while on the outside, being myself.

So these dreams were kind of photo-negatives... the first one - my actions where against who I was, but I was completely steady on the inside. The next dream - my actions were who I was (in the dream) keeping to myself etc... - but I was all a jumble trying to see where I fit - on the inside.

Hmmm....