I had several dreams... more of the feeling is left now.
The feelings are hmmm... love, but not in love..., happy for opportunities, but more for ease - not excited ..., social uncomfort... but not pained from it.
In one dream I am cozy with a student in my class. Not sexual, just co-comfort. It felt like he was sad and wanted comfort and so we spent time together.
Then in another dream I was in a part of town at home I wouldn't normally be. Some people I normally wouldn't be with were smiling and telling me of an 800k home that was for sale. In my mind I was thinking... why are they pushing me to buy this... I don't have a job, so there is no way I could purchase it. They kept going on about how well they knew I would fix it up and it would be a perfect project for me... and then how close it was to my new job. So a home where I wouldn't choose to live, a job I wouldn't choose to have and people I wouldn't choose to spend time with. But I didn't feel tortured. I was there with some people that felt like family. The kind that are nice and bubbly, but you don't connect on any level besides social kindness. A guy I have never met in person was there with me. I guess we were a couple. We were going to a restaurant I wouldn't normally go to.... (a large chain... more like disneyland where they create an atmosphere - this one was a log cabin atmosphere). We walked arm and arm to the place. He was happy. Happy to be living, happy to be going there, happy to be with me. I was observing... , what was I doing? why did we choose this place? did we really like each other? I went into the bathroom when I was there and I think I was doing my hair. I couldn't really see what I was doing. I left the bathroom and paid for something. And then we were in the lobby of the restaurant. Two large birds, taller than me...., one black and one white walked towards me... they grabbed my by the back of my coat and wouldn't let me go. I was scared and then someone finally helped me free. I walked back with the guy I have never met in person. He was laughing and glad to have me safe. I was wondering why the birds, why am I in this big jacket, why is my hair all big and curly and I look like an idiot? In the end.. I was enjoying being with him... I was curious about this new job, I was looking forward to making some money and having a home again. Hmm maybe the black bird and white bird were all of the "thinking" the yeses and nos that can keep you from an experience when you can just accept where you are and enjoy it for what it is... hmmmm
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