At the beginning of the dream, I was helping set up for a wedding. It was for my step mom. When I was young, I always felt she was the bell of the ball, and she was here too. She seemed younger and everyone was doing this for her. I was all in raggy clothing after having been working on the set up. Her extended family was showing up in nice cars and clothing and I was needing to leave. They asked why and I was telling them I needed to dress nice too. Part of me felt less than, part of me felt out of place or not like the rest of them. As I was walking away, I walked by a blondish guy. He resembled a guy I had a crush on in first grade.... Patrick. Kind of a quiet guy that seemed thoughtful. He also seemed like a mix of another fellow I had a crush on when I was 18 and a mix of different blond characters that were always somewhat quiet, inwardly strong and I respected. Walking by him made me feel good.
Then it seemed the wedding was over, and I was in bed in a house I was sharing with some other wedding goers. I was getting flashbacks of the night before. Everyone was pretty drunk and silly, but for whatever reason, it was ok for them (in my mind) but not me. I felt exposed, stupid and so on. I realized I wasn't alone in bed. The guy I like had just walked in the house and I was panicked that him seeing that I was in bed with this other fellow would ruin things (although we had both been just sleeping because it was a place to sleep). When my friend showed up, a few people did cause a bit of a hubbub and the guy in bed left and others left. They fellow I liked just continued to do what he was doing, and asked if I was hungry and if anyone wanted to head over to subway to get something. I was a bit relieved. I knew that what we had was stronger than one experience blowing away what we had. As we were walking to the subway, people were asking each other what they would get. I had something in mind with pickles and turkey. Someone said... people who get that are ??? somethings. I think I was defensive at first and then it was ok to be a ??? something I decided.. it was what I was.
Then I was in some hotel. I was walking up the stairs to my room. We were all scantily clad and I was feeling exposed. It was a similar situation in that... although we were all in the same situation, I felt more out of place or in the wrong than the others. I walked to the very top of the stairs hoping to avoid being seen. I would peek out a bit here and there to see the others. Then for whatever reason I thought... guess what.. you have to do abc.. you need to get these things done for yourself, exposed or not. Go... (live)... and so I walked down through them and I felt relieved.
Then it seemed the wedding was over, and I was in bed in a house I was sharing with some other wedding goers. I was getting flashbacks of the night before. Everyone was pretty drunk and silly, but for whatever reason, it was ok for them (in my mind) but not me. I felt exposed, stupid and so on. I realized I wasn't alone in bed. The guy I like had just walked in the house and I was panicked that him seeing that I was in bed with this other fellow would ruin things (although we had both been just sleeping because it was a place to sleep). When my friend showed up, a few people did cause a bit of a hubbub and the guy in bed left and others left. They fellow I liked just continued to do what he was doing, and asked if I was hungry and if anyone wanted to head over to subway to get something. I was a bit relieved. I knew that what we had was stronger than one experience blowing away what we had. As we were walking to the subway, people were asking each other what they would get. I had something in mind with pickles and turkey. Someone said... people who get that are ??? somethings. I think I was defensive at first and then it was ok to be a ??? something I decided.. it was what I was.
Then I was in some hotel. I was walking up the stairs to my room. We were all scantily clad and I was feeling exposed. It was a similar situation in that... although we were all in the same situation, I felt more out of place or in the wrong than the others. I walked to the very top of the stairs hoping to avoid being seen. I would peek out a bit here and there to see the others. Then for whatever reason I thought... guess what.. you have to do abc.. you need to get these things done for yourself, exposed or not. Go... (live)... and so I walked down through them and I felt relieved.
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