baby baby

I dreamt that I was given a baby, that was mine. It was a chubby boy baby that seemed happy and healthy enough. I was thinking.. how embarrassing... I didn't know I was pregnant. What will I tell people? And the immediately following was the feeling of I have no choice, just roll with it. I would tell people that is why they hadn't seen me in a while because I was hiding the baby bump, although in the dream I never really "carried" the baby. I didn't know who the father was and in my dream I didn't even think of it. It seemed like it was just my project that I created and would take care of. There was a man in my dream, he was setting up a room for me. I felt like I sort of knew him, but not really. He was nice.. I knew that he kind of liked me and would take care of me if I wanted. It all felt comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. I didn't like this part of me exposed, but at the same time, I was forced into a position and I didn't have to think about it, just do.

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I had another baby dream last night. This time I think I was watching someone else's baby girl. I was holding her with the same detachment as I was the baby boy in the previous dream. Like I knew she was a living thing that I needed to care for, but otherwise, she was just a thing. I had to go to the store for some supplies for her. I went in and was looking around ... I had a backpack (actually it was BW,s gray and orange backpack), and other items. I went to the register to pay and was going to put the baby down so I could find the money, and realized I had left the baby in the car. I went running outside and there was a crowd of women all scowling at me. I tried to explain that my hands were full and that it was a mistake and I was only gone seconds. They didn't seem to care, but they didn't call the police and I was happy to flee. Although it wasn't exactly a fleeing. One woman went with me in my car. I was driving and she was in the passenger seat. I was explaining more of my reasons and I could feel that she was judging me. I then recognized her as someone I knew. She paused and didn't seem happy that I knew her past, as if she lost some of her judging power because I was trying to bond.  I looked in the back. I had left the baby on the back seat floor and she was crying. I tried to sooth her and knew we had a corner to turn and we would be home. Home was my mother's current house. The whole thing felt awful. I felt like I had failed, that I was selfish, that I couldn't even do something as simple as watching a baby anymore.