Feeding baby

I had dream that involved a baby again... Hmmm I think it was someone elses. They were trying to get it to eat and it wouldn't, but I got it to eat all of its food. I broke apart a hamburger into little bits for it (hmm it seemed ok in the dream). Totally knocked him out after, so I could take him out, clean him up and put him to bed. I know there was a ton of other stuff going on. Another person there, guy trying on outfits. ummm???

Fairies

I had many dreams last night. Some were about some things/rules/procedures I had to follow and how my life would change if I just followed them.

One was I was part of this group that was supposed to set up this stage. One curtain needed to go up and they were looking for things to weight the other side of the rope with so they could lift the curtain up and down. I was kind of the mechanical person helping out. It seemed like it was my job.

I had other dreams that I was with this group of people. Almost like in a class. They were nice people and we had to do all kinds of things that stretched our comfort zones. First we were all sitting at tables waiting for the instructors. We were put into 2 teams and we were going to be on stage to answer questions like a game show sort of thing. I kept having to take gum out of my mouth that was stuck in there that filled my whole mouth. It was like I chewed the gum too much so that it was?? too soft so it was hard to keep together and take out. Was not fun. At one point people are trying to settle down, I felt good feelings about the people around me.. and they felt good feeling about me. It was a very nice feeling dream in that way. At one moment the game paused.. we were laughing and having jokes with one another. We were also all in costume. Then I walked over to these women while we were waiting. They were all chatting and then these tiny blue lights came flying in ... and I said "oh the fairies are here."..One woman - those aren't fairies! there isn't such a thing! Me and the other girl - have you ever seen one photographed? have you ever seen these "bugs" before? (she answered no). We were like.. - They are fairies! There was lots more that happened. Like people being there for each other in a kind and caring way and that sort of thing. Was a really nice experience if only in a dream. ;) Then I was walking along trying to remember the name of this guy they were talking about. I had gone to school with him. They said, the one that dressed up like Luke Skywalker in Highschool. I just couldn't think of his name. Then I saw some Mexican women and their little girl in the bushes. They came out and followed me back to the group. The little girl had a costume on that made her look like a little horse. Was cute and she was very happy about wearing it.

Oh had another dream that I was in this house with some friends. This guy from college was asking me to marry him. I was trying to avoid him asking me so I wouldn't have to say no to him. That was a strange one.

hmm big long dream

Had one dream where you picked out your hairstyle by different criteria. You could say.. I want business casual hair, curls and.. blah blah blah, then they would give you a list of hairstyles to choose from that fit that criteria.

Another was I was working. My brother started as a contractor for the company. He wasn't my boss but he had a higher position than me and was kinda ordering me around. Was ticking me off. I would more or less ignore him or explain why it was ok to do it as I was doing it. He wanted me to get orange juice for some people (temps). I said they are temps.. they dont' need OJ, they are here to work. (mind you in real life this guy from work wanted to come over today and bring mimosas... but I don't think he has work in mind). Then I was feeling funny anyway because I had no work to do, so I went back to my desk which was kind of in a cube but I had no ceiling so I was kind of outside. Then I was still working but at a hotel. I was talking to this girl from work about her and her boyfriend. SHe was saying how they broke up but he still comes by from time to time to do this or that (basically was using her when he wanted her around). She is such a sweet girl and really pretty. I was trying to give her advice on moving on from him. So partly we were in this hotel and partly in a townhouse she was sharing with another gf. Her exbf was a lot older too. Then I was "working" around the hotel. I felt like i was an event person and somewhat of an investigator. I went into the hot tub at one point and this gal had just done a summersalt in the air and landed in the hot tub. It was pretty amazing. She did a great job. She wouldn't take her clothes off that covered her swim suit though. Either would the other girl. Then I left out of the front of the hotel and my dad and step mom were there and they were going to help some old lady home. So we were trying to show her where to take her. I was like .... see that huge elvis statue that towers over the other building? That is where we are dropping you off. We ended up finding a shortcut where she just had to walk through a chainlink fence and a parkign lot to get where she needed to go. Then this dream melded into another dream that I was with this HUGE family. One of those ones that starts with 9 brothers and sisters, then they have 4 kids, and they have kids.. and so on. They were all going to one of the kids house (who was an adult now). His dad had some kind of cancer that ate away at his skin. I asked how he ws doing and he said his dad was good. He was keeping busy all the time doing things he just enjoyed doing. I was around sooo many of them, the totallypacked the house. Everyone kinda needed to use the bathroom, so the women were in one line and the men in another and we had to wait at the bottom of the stairs until the next person came out. The guy I had talked to earlier, this was his dad's house, but he was going to move into it. Each floor was set up like an entire house (kitchen and everything), so it was like he had his own place. I had brought bread for the evening and set it on the counter and some other edibles and then a ton of hand mits for the oven. :-s One was like a big sock. They were not too pretty.

Then I think I woke up.

cross country skiing and chocolate mint ice cream

ok.. first dreamt that I was with a group and we were going cross country skiing. This guy (who in reality was this metal's class instructor that I had - he was kinda good, but not very organized so his class was all over the place). Well, the ski class was all over the place too. It was taking forever for everyone to get all in their skis etc.. By the time everyone was ready and he knew where we were going, I looked down and one of my skis had broken. I could feel the tension in everyone thinking.. ok.. now we need to call someone, find a ski, get it fitted etc.etc... and I just said please go on without me. I was wanting to go skiing but at the same time, much preferred to be away from the disjointed group.

Then there was some dream where my extended family was around. My brother, dad and stepmom were there, but so was my dad's cousin (who I've maybe seen once in my life) some aunts and uncles, cousins I don't see normally etc. They were talking about me getting married to a cousin. I was like "He isn't my cousin! He is way down the family tree somewhere, but we don't even share the same bloodline!" Not sure who "he" is.. but. Mind you this was all in jest, they were just giving me a hard time. I think I needed to say what I said to convince myself more than them.

Then I remember riding a bicycle out of this suburban neighborhood (a very nice one). I was riding along feeling very out of place (the kind of out of place I feel around a bunch of corporate types, women w/ their business coifs, all put in that sort of package, personality and so on... while I've got my crazy curly hair, curvy body that doesn't quite fit right in a boxy blazer and mind set that really doesn't fit in the building). ok.. so riding down this hill outside of the neighborhoood. I didn't want to go too fast since I hadn't been on a bike in a while. I had the breaks on but it was still going kinda fast.. thenI stopped and was talking to this guy that worked on my floor (my job that just ended last week). We were flirty ?? I guess... or kinda seeing each other. We both fell asleep sorta on this bed. Then I had some chocolate mint icecream on the night stand. I wanted him to try it and then he finally did... umm and it was a little umm cozy as well.

That was about it.

pop quiz

Was in a class or something and the instructor told us to be ready for a pop quiz. He wanted us to state which of the things we have discussed are theory and which are law. I thought it was easy and went to a vending machine on break to buy some crackers. THen I couldn't figure out which # to push in and someone came behind me and pushed what they wanted and took it. THen I tried again and got my crackers. Everyone else in class was stressing over the quiz and were studying. I wanted to explain to them that it was simple etc., but then I figured they would just stress more. THis one gal was reading in her books. She had two books for the class when I only had the one. I said. well I'm sure you will do good etc..

Baby beaver, Allen Town...

Ok.. trying to remember my dream..still early..

Did wake up to "the cars" song "you might think."

Part of the dream a guy from work, Paul, was showing us pictures of him and his family going camping in NY. It was somewhere near Allen Town and he had a picture of some baby beaver they saved or something. Was kinda cute. We were at some function at a house. Like someone's birthday. Hmmm.... dunno

--

Kinda had a ? awake dream last night. Hmm trying to remember if I was awake or??
Last night I really did watch "darby O'gill and the little people." I hadn't seen it since I was a little kid (and when I was little, I loved it). So, I sat through the whole thing... and .. again I don't know if I dreamt this or did this, but I got up to go to the bathroom or something (not the important detail) and it was like I flash backed to my mind set as a kid. Not the.. oh can I go outside to play type thing, but more of... as if I had become an adult directly from that time, with no hurts, scars, tramas, etc... and how I would be without those experiences. It felt very stress free, light, feminine, enjoyable... Part of me felt like I missed my "edge." I'm not sure though if I missed it because I was scared to be without it... or was it really a better way to be. Hmmm

school and spiders

I know there is more to this dream but it hasn't all come back...

I remember it being dark out and driving into this parking lot. There was a man directing traffic into it and telling you where to park. It was an icky feeling for some reason... knowing what he was asking before you got there, reading his mind almost and knowing where he was going to tell you to park before he even did, then having to follow his orders. I parked and was going to park a little differently but had all eyes on me, so just parked. I got out of the car.. i was going to check this school out although under the guise that I was actually attending. At one point I went between some bushes. I'm not sure if was trying to hide or if I was just trying to avoid people. I went under one bush that sort of formed a canopy. I looked up and it was coated in spider webs. I took a deep breath so not to panick and then found a stick to wave all the webs and spiders away... then realized there was plastic sheeting under the bush's branches, so peeled that back so I could get out from under the bush web free. Hmmm... there is more and there were strong feelings from this dream that I didn't like so much... oh well. Got me up and out of bed to jog. ;)

Wormy veins, scrap book...??

OK.. a few odd dreams last night.

The first set are vague. I did dream about a guy from work that just asked me to coffee the other day. I usually don't dream about people I know, so that was interesting. He was just helping me with something, being very kind and polite (which doesn't seem like his personality in reality).

I had another one later (only remembering pieces). One part I had a little bump on my arm but it just felt weird. Like not just a mosquito bite but that it extended on the inside up my arm. So a scratched it a bit and it broke the sking. Then I saw a tube/vein, kind of like you find in your chicken sometimes that is kind of flat.. It was severed and I could look in it. Inside were tiny little worm like things (mind you they looked more like that hair rice pasta stuff). I pulled on them until they came completely out.. in doing that I found more.. and then more.. and then more... I kept pulling them all out of my arm wondering how I could have lived this long w/out knowing they were there, then wondering... ok.. in health class did we ever learn about this? am I taking something out that is supposed to be there? I thought and then couldn't recall it supposing to be there, so I kept on taking them out. Then I found a small octopus in my arm and took that out too. My dad and stepmom were there and I was telling them about it as they were going about their business. Then they were talking about this family that lived in a motorhome. It was this guy that wrote about it that was a comic strip writer. He, his wife and five kids all lived in this motor home and they were fine and "normal." I was trying to work out in my head how they could pace showers throughout the day with it not being a headache. The kids didn't attend school either, he home schooled them. Then I was looking for a plate to put a candle on. My friend Penny was in the dream and she said there was some china in a drawer in the dining room (not exactly what I wanted.. but). So I go to the drawer in the dining room and there were all kinds of fun things in there. There was a really neat scrapbook that I looked through with pictures, scraps of material, misc. things.. I found out later it was my brother's. My grandma was looking over my shoulder at them with me. Overall, nice feeling dreams.

Daniel Craig, killers and cleanse.. but not in that order

Ok, so doing this cleanse thing. Basically eating right for your ?? I would say origins, so food that agrees with your body. So for example, my ancestry is from the British Isles for the most part, so potatoes good, rice .. not as much. No alcohol, salt, pepper, sugar, etc etc. etc. I have to say I feel great (minus the first day I had a headache). In a good mood all the time, feel energetic and dropped 5.5 lbs in 4 days. Nice bonus. :D

Oh and 5 days left of work, then 24th leave for my trip...

Ok.. the dreams:


The first one some guy was coming to kill me. I don't remember much of that dream, but that I was suppose to put a certain label on some meat and go place it in New Season's... and he was going to follow me or something..??

Anyhoo.. but after that I had a Daniel Craig dream. We were looking for some bad guy so we run up to this old house and sneak in to the second story window.. (I'm assuming we climbed a ladder or something).

The room was all frilly, like a satin and chiffon bed cover that was white with blue bows and just.. fluffy pretty much everywhere in the room. So he goes "get on the bed" - woo woo you might think... but no. We both get on the bed and he starts moving so the bed squeaks so that someone from outside thinks we are having "fun." End up I find out we are in a brothel, so in order for no one to be suspicious of a room with the door closed, we had to make some noise. So he has me continue to tinker around in the room while he sneaks back out the window to go do some snooping. While I'm there I'm looking around. I see his shoes on the floor. I pick them up and look at the soles for some reason and they are really nifty. The main sole is bumpy and no clear edge would ever hit the ground so you couldn't trace his foot prints. Then there are cut outs with in the sole that you can pop out that have dog prints and raccoon prints. So he could pop those out and pin them on the outside of the sole to just show those kind of prints. Anyhoo... then I start looking around the room and the closet is full of more frilly clothes, boas, heels, etc.. then a woman/man comes in. I get the idea the brothel's main product is cross dressing ladies. He was kinda big and had dark brown ringlets (he must have been the one who decorated the room too :-s). I complimented him on his clothes to keep him occupied and then I don't remember the rest of the dream.

winds are changing

Ok.. if anyone has seen Mary Poppins you will get the reference. But it seems like everything is changing and not just for me. Out of my group of friends, one gal is moving to the east coast, anther is pregnant with twins, another is just starting a biz that I think will take her life in a new direction, two more had babies, and I'm ?? changing jobs again.

Before going to bed the other night I decided I might ask to dream something beneficial for me... like what should I be doing with my life next ... and not in symbols, or hints, or vague blurryness.. but I wanted a clear picture/scenario of what I should do...

So... I dreamt about baking cookies. huh... I was having a blast, was my own company, was making a batch for ? not sure an order or something, had some fun people in there with me and it was just really great. but..... I guess not what I expected. ;)

So if I truly took that at face value.. I guess I'd start a cookie biz.

If I took it at symbolic value... I would be producing something.. something tangible

If I took it as what I should be doing in my life.. start doing things that I enjoy for fun (which I really do enjoy baking.. like every part of it, even washing the pans in warm sudsy water at the end.

Maybe I'll start with that last idea.

Boats, picnics..?

Ok.. mid sun-salutations I remembered parts of my dream

it may be a bit mixed

but was at a function with lots of people my age (which in the dream was mid 20s). We were having a celebration of sorts... ? birthday, sprin time? something. Everyone was polite and nice... felt like I was more back in time a bit with men being dressed nice and so on. The group was touring this old building... well.. at first it was us all in row boats in this swampy area behind the home. It was pretty, weeping trees etc. but it was evening time. We were headed in a direction but then decided to stop at this house... we went up and it was very old, lots of old beautiful things... empty.. then it became a tour and it was some grand palace but more religious tones. We walked around and the guy I was with saw something.. an old wooden sculpture.. almost looked like sheild. It had a religious figure on the front and symbols. He put it under his coat to take. It had been in some place that we assumed no one knew it existed. I could feel some old man with a long white beard and cloak looking after us like he knew. So we went through the rest of the rooms with the othr folks and then went back to the boat and put the sculputer there mid tour. I said "don't you think someone will find it?" and he felt confident. I just didnt' want him to get into trouble. All the men were in light colored spring suits (like pale yellows, whites etc... it felt like the 20's I think). We went from there to?? i think a picnic on the hill. The hill was in the middle of a lake with nice trees and maybe a house. It was written that you could rent the place for a day (overnight) for $75. The whole island. We were going to do it but then didn't. I remember walking through a grass field to come back kind of behind the others. The feeling was a bit of...?? being away from everyone intentionally. Like ignored, but I made it that way. Getting back to the house I remember something about worrying about bringing mud into the house?

Then there was a skip and I went to a place where my dad was going to play. They had him set up in a separate room from where the dance floor was with only a doorway inbetween. He was upset because he knew the people wouldnt' get into dancing as much if he wasn't in the same room to kid with him. We (myself and my step mom) went to find seats at a table but some guy took most of the chairs.. we knew we wanted to face my dad (but at the moment we were facing the tv and watching some game). We got drinks etc... I had something in my hands? something to keep occupied with..

there is more but can't remember the rest.

Dolphins..

dream this morning... chair?? ugh.. just jumped out of my head.

Ok.. but woke up to an Olivia Newton John song.. "the promise" pretty song really and here are they lyrics:


The Promise (The Dolphin Song)
See them play in the moonlight
Watch them dance in the sun
They're the children of freedom - everyone

As they care for each other
With no question or cause
They deserve to be treasured as a source of love

In their minds there are answers
And in time we will know
What the truth is about all we don't know

They have no room for hatred
Though they've suffered much pain
From the race we call human - who are afraid of love

If I can only help to right a wrong
With my dolphin song
Then I'll have done what I set out to do
If I can only make one man aware
One person care
Then I'll have done what I promised you

Let us hope it's not too late
And that we can amend
All the pain we have suffered on a friend

We were born with our freedom
Oh we were born with the truth
Then why do we abuse it
We could choose - to love, to love

jog/sprint/job/travel/etc.

Ok.. so .. was up on the jog/sprinting and then have been flaking out.. :0s...

Realized it helps a TON if I wake up earlier than when I need to book out the door to sprint to be on time for work. So now.... just need to get my gluts out of bed. Now doing 3 sets of 13 flights of stairs a day, so that is good. Totally have dropped the ball on memorizing the pilates moves, not good. I need to get on it

Jobs.. let's see.. had two jobs that I was working on. A project job where I currently work.... or an analyst job somewhere else. The project job I found had already been offered to someone else, analyst job still up for grabs as far as I know and got a call from current company on another project job.

Project job - pros: $$, room to grow, high profile, busy, good team, can walk to work...
cons: high stress, don't want to be a PM now so why continue on this path, huge monster company with huge monster problems that includes a huge hairy red tape monster.

Analyst job - pros: small office (6 folks), cozy, black and white job so I can go home and still have a brain left, clear expectations, autonomy, no red tape, ..
cons: not as much $$, not sure about upwards mobility in a 6 person office ;)...

I think I have warm fuzzies for the analyst job.. I just need a break and also to feel like I accomplish something.. huge projects can be so messy and vague... crossing my fingers

Travel... will be going to isle of man in oct. :) very excited. Also might be going on an overnight sailing trip on the Pacific somewhere :D. Fun fun!!

Etc. ... need to start doing some hobby stuff.., painting, sculpting, sketching, draping.... might check in with my friend roberto.. artist fella.. and see if we can have some art dates.. where we both just sit and do stuff. Might be fun.

Also working on finances. I actually have a financial advisor now (woo wee... ).

Ummm guess that is it.

Next time I type, unless I have some great dreams, it will be updating on my new job and start date. ;)

Cruise ships, photoshop and pooches...

Ok.. vaguely remember my dreams from last night, but one of them was a good one.

One I was on some sort of cruise ship, but people lived on it?? felt more like a community than a vacation... My dad was there.. played more of a father figure type than he really is. I was introverted (go figure) and kind of avoided social gatherings.. At one point I was in a bathroom stall just to be alone. I sat there and thought if anyone asked me what I was doing, I'd say I was writing. :-s.. Anyhoo.. not sure exactly what was said, but something along the lines that my dad thought I should get out more, "be" with people and so on.

Hmmm remembering some rocky beachy part of a dream.. dark night, rocky coast... very pretty.. hmmm my friend the Tree guy was in it (but just had dinner with him last night .. so that makes sense).

Had a dream about my dog (which I don't have anymore). I saw her and my stomach instantly got tight.. like happens when you are stressed, avoiding something.. etc. With her it was. oh yeah, she is matted, dirty, I need to take care of her.. I can't do what I want because I have to take care of her. etc.etc.etc... then I sat down and played with her for a bit, rubbed her tummy and so on.. and I forgot how much I really enjoyed her. Then I thought.. if I just put more time and effort into her, I would enjoy her so much more.. instead of avoiding mainting her and spending time with her so that she becomes this dark cloud to me. (this was the good dream.. kind of an ah ha.. of how to treat everything in my life)

Then had another dream about photoshop. Took a pic of a business group. I needed to put them in front of their building so did it with photoshop. I was making adjustments and the people were b/w and the background was in color which didnt' look right. Then I put the background in color.. which didn't look right either... but then I thought. I'll punch up the people's color a wee bit, have the background be a wee bit dull.... and it worked and looked pretty great. Not enough for someone to notice.. just made you focus on the people more.

And that is about it.

Hmm...

Had another dream... was with my friend's husband (french guy/actor) and we were just going along with this other guy to run some errands. One was in an art gallery and I thought we were going to see some great art by some guy that starts with an A... we get to teh floor, an amazing space, all white and all of the art is stark and white-ish too. But these pieces were his architectural renderings... unique angles....

Then we left there to drive home and this car was kind of a mess.. it was an old beater.... He could hear his phone ringing but it was in the back seat somewhere... at one point this guy, surfer looking guy, totally cut us off... I saw the guy and once he noticed us he was totally sorry and didn't see us and tried to wave at us to say sorry.... I told french guy about his face and he made a guester back... like a..?? what one does when they taste good food and think it is perfect.

So I start going through stuff in the back seat to find the phone and it has my grandpa's jeans back there.. with all sorts of pockets and wallets, a light sensative remote??, keys... etc.etc.. then finally french guy's phone. Mind you my grandpa died a few years ago, but my grandpa's voice was "on" when I was going through his things and he was swearing a lot (which he didn't do)... Like that is that "f'n" remote I got, doesn't work worth damn .... and so on

Then we get "home" and french guy is cleaning the kitchen... and I can see things that he is doing although I'm in the living room.... is strange.. he puts something in the recycling bin.. and it is like I am seeing it from the bottom of the bin... Then there is this mirror (hmm again a mirror) and somethign kept going on in my mind that I was powerful... and that I knew I could do things once people were in the mirror. So I asked him jsut to put his hand on his chest... but ... he kept fidgeting .... so he then was showing me this tatoo he got .. or was in the midst of getting and it was his skeleton.. all over his body etc.. (just showed me the back)... then he went back to the kitchen to clean. I then tried to do things in the mirror and the worked.... like.. could see my own hand in the mirror.... but scratched it with "mind"... and it scratched my hand.

Had a dream before this was with a friend from work... she was working at a sandwich biz. I took a break from my job and went down to her biz chit chatting and stuff.... Someone from my work had been calling for a while I guess.. I needed to get back (had been gone 4 hours)... then she drove me back on a moped.... ?? something with my dad and stepmom being there...and packing ....hmmm

laundry shed and cowboys

Dream

I was doing laundry…
Forgot.. got up next morning to go check it. Was doing it in a little white shed outside my place..cute yet spooky….
I still needed to get my whites. I went inside to collect them and it felt like the shed moved.. but I thought I was imagining things.. then it was sliding down a slope.. I used my mind to move it back a bit… but then it slid again and fell over.. slid into the road and was upsidedown… neighbor kids were out.. and I was?? Not sure if embarrassed, but just got out and was going to “put things back”

Some feeling of my dad in the dream.. I think he was before all this. Oh.. was in a livingroom when he was leaving for a show or something…. There was a mirror/picture that was scary… when you looked in it you could see at certain angles a cowboy in it looking back at you… but looked ghostly… my grandma was in the livingroom and I think I was supposed to get her something to eat or something.. my dad said to ignore the mirror (as in don’t worry about it)… hmm like we were all leaving or preparing for something.

No dreams lately.... but new plans-ish

Ok.... so not going to east coast.. and I'm HAPPY about that. ;)

Also not moving... SUPER HAPPY about that too....

Some switched turned in me after I decided not to move.. and could nest. I'm happy about just about everything. Kinda nice ;)

So now trying some interval training stuff.... jog/sprint/jog/sprint.... It is kinda fun. Today is the first time I've done it with music which made it MUCH better. Also have decided to do it on the street instead of on the dark track. Kind of fun and exciting.. we'll see what it does. It has already made it MUCH easier to do the stairs (do 13 flights at a time and now I can do them fast w/out heavy breathing).

Next.. memorize all the Pilates moves..... ;)

ok.. was just checking in really ... so I guess I'll continue to pretend to work.. this will go until about Oct. 10. ;)

Italians and Aligators

Ok... just remembered some dreams and wanted to jot them down.

Had a dream I was going to this apartment. It was a new place for me to live temporarily or something. Not my kind of place. One of those huge apartment complexes in the burbs w/ lots of parking lots. Not horrible, just not my thing.

So on the way there... I run into this spot where the water is deep (dip in the road and water leak). And there just happens to be aligators there. I ride my bicycle through it and go to call the police for the water leak, the aligators (2 of them) and I think someone was hurt as well... Then I go riding back to town?? to a community house/coffee shop/gym type place. I see two guy friends there Ciro (friend of mine's husband/Italian) and Andrea (my exbf/Italian). They both give me a kiss hello, there are children around, it feels cozy yet chaotic, but nice, but not, but nice.... I had to get on to someplace else and I know I was all wet from riding in the rain. I left them and jogged in the rain.

Then some other dreams where?? I was on a construction site? or hmmm there was a feeling of getting prepared ... getting things set, etc...

And another where someone told me, if you say it outloud or to another person it will be stronger/have more of an affect. Also someone saying something like... take the image and make it smaller and you will be able to handle it better.

hmmm

Life Plan Update... well.. not so much a "plan"..

Ok...

Feeling a little bit empty and in need of a change.
Part of it might be that my friends are either getting married off, moving, etc.. so I don't get to see them so often. My brother might move away for 6 months at a time. My job isn't fulfilling. I live in an amazing beautiful state, but with a lot of people I don't totally connect with (Portland is clique city, lots of herbavores, blue collar hipsters, "artists," super green people etc.). I'm more of an open minded generalist... not too much in any direction, can appreciate other people, but don't force your ideas on me. And I'm single and I don't want to date a 40 year old that skateboards, a vegetarian that wants to live in a home with others to make his environmental footprint smaller, the blue collar hipsters that has his hair in a pompador, a dreadlocked patchouli smelling- tie-dye wearing guy, or the band member wannabe that works in a pizza parlor. Then there is the conservative extreme we have here too and I'm not that either.

Soooo I think what I'm missing is some close friend, family feel and maybe even some friends that have become grown ups. I appreciate an open mind-set, but none of my friends want to grow up. My brother has 3 x-boxes, my girlfriends do not want kids (not sure if it is to keep their physique or what), my guy friends are able to stick to the peter pan lifestyle and.. I guess I'm bored of this stage of life. Want something more.

Soooo (again)... thinking of moving to the east coast. I have some close friends there that are married, have a baby (my god son - super cutie), setting up their life. Would get to learn about a new area, meet new people (keep in touch with old), 8 hours closer to Europe, ... it just might be the ticket.

I'm applying for two jobs today.

I really should just do it. I could temp there in the mean time. ... Jump

Aliens, illegal aliens and the Beatles

Ok... couple crazy dreams..

***
Had a dream I was at Longbeach (but it was more of a cove with mountains on one side). I was sitting on the beach enjoying it with my brother and some friends and it was starting to get dusk. Then we saw one bolt of lightening that hit behind the mountains. We all thought it was cool and were looking for more, when we saw 3 lights from that same area shoot off in different directions. My brother thought it was space ships. Then we looked again and actually saw a craft of some sort. We started walking quickly towards town to get to our car or something to get a better look, and we ran into an old man that told us that the reason the government wasn't so strict with us about recycling, was because they were selling our garbage to the aliens. The aliens lived on a planet that didn't have natural resources (metals, minerals, etc.), so they would take ours. Which would be all fine and dandy, but for the fact we would at one point use up all of our natural resources and need to use these dump sites as places to mine for resources in the future. They took the old man away (they new what he was telling us). and then they took me on a hover craft mainly to scare me into being quiet. These were humans working for the aliens. They were dressed in suits with helmets. The one behind me took her helmet off and it was Madonna. ;) She was making wise-cracks etc. They took me up behind the mountain and there was a facility and workers etc. One woman was talking to herself and said.. I have Fish ***?? something.. like disorder or whatever. And what would happen is after you worked with their equipement/ the garbage/etc. a condition would happen where from about mid-thigh down the legs would get thinner and kind of bind together and then from mid-thigh up the body would retain lots of water and not old its shape, so it would be large and fatty. She was happy about this though, because it meant she could quit working..

weird
***
Next dream...
I was driving with my brother's roommate and we saw some cops taking people and hitting them etc. But they were not "good" cops (duh). They were a Mexican mafia of sorts and their enemies were black people and white people. They took me hostage with some black and white guys and they were possibly going to kill us a the end. We were in someone's house and they had little kids around etc. I was the only girl so they had me helping with their children. I woke up before everyone one morning and went outside. I could have made a run for it, but I was more likely going to get caught... felt that way. A neighbor saw me, a black man and I wanted to yell for help, but I could tell by his face he knew what was going on, and he knew it was best to be quiet. So I went back in the house. Later they let me go to a university (I think I was a professor there and I needed to be seen so they didn't suspect anything). But they were watching me. I saw the neighbor guy and nodded to him. I needed to know where it is that the house was and so I knew better how to get away next time, or to alert the police. We met in a classroom but had to separate quickly. Some woman posing as a student was following me. Anyhoo.. was interesting having the whites and black be minorities together.

***
Then I had a mini dream after where I was at a bbq, having some beers, I had bf of sorts and he kissed me on the shoulder and it was really nice.

***

Then I woke up to the Beatles song "Carry That Weight." I looked up the lyrics this morning (a lot of times lyrics have some connection on what is going on in my life at that moment). They lyrics didn't mean much, so I looked up the "meaning" of the lyrics. And found this:


"(this is part of a medley on Abbey Road) the I never give you..... couplets are about getting very close to a relationship with someone where there is a mutual feeling, but never managing to actually take the last step. the carry that weight bit is about having to deal with difficult things that dont go away quickly, but the idea of carrying them..."

"This is about how one feels toward having a second lover in their life when they already love someone. Having a second lover is a lot of weight and all the lyics follow how someone may feel about a that "side" woman... "

And now for the background... I have been showing my brother's roomie around and hanging out with h im for about 5 months. We hit it off immediatly as friends. It was kind of strange. Nothing romantic, but sometimes here and there.. maybe standing closer than normal for a lingering moment and so on... Key issue. He has a girlfriend. I have met her. My brother thinks they seem like an unhappy old couple. No arguing, but no talking either. But that isn't for me to think about, and either is he really. He leaves in a week... so.. anyhoo.. appropriate song.