still can't sleep...

ok.. I didn't do my laundry yet, but I don't think that is it...

I think I nailed it down to the boy that left... but I'll get back to that later...

I went to see I Am Your Man last night.. film on Leonard Cohen... very good film...
and learned about a singer named Antony.. quite an interesting voice...
An older fella and his wife sat next to me. When Rufus Wainright came on.. he asked me who he was.. so I told him.. (funny .. it was the first artist that came on that hit me....).. then when Antony came on..the other aritst I liked in the film came on.. he asked me again... who is that?

For some reason it was really nice to think you could share a movie with a stranger and kind of a bonus to have the same tastes.

So.. the reason I can't sleep.. and boy.. I don't mean that it is his fault that I can't sleep.... more of... I think my mind body was trying to tell me that I need to deal with this or we're not going to let you move on. Learn this lesson ... finally! etc...

While taking a shower this morning.. I was thinking about the situation.. and how I would explain to said boy what I think about how it is going.. then the anology popped in my head about a plant... as if it were a relationship. You don't throw a new plant in the ground and leave it for a few days and expect it to grow... it isn't used to the new situation, where to get water, food, etc. from... You put it in and nurture it daily.. checking in on it to see how it is doing.. is it wilting? did I over water? etc. and so on until it is used to its new environment... and has grown roots...
Once it seems to be doing ok and the roots are stable ... then a day away w/out checking is fine. It knows its surroundings.. and you can see that it is doing well in that soil.. so it is fine. Mind you.. you still can't assume it will be fine all alone.. it is just that it won't die overnight from neglect.

I shared it with my roomie and the thought it was a great one too.. then I went a little further.. that goes for prerelationship as well... could use the car analogy this time ;)
you can't blame an old pickup truck for being slow.. it is old.. not built to go fast etc... so if you bought one and try to speed down the road.. and it doesn't, you can't call it a worthless hunk of metal.. it is what it is.. an old pickup truck... if you wanted fast.. you should have shopped around more, researched more cars, taken more test drives and so on before purchasing...

so.. although I may have just leased the car... I didn't test drive it enough before hand.. so now have to deal with some paperwork... ;)