Ok... I think I have used up my license to bitch on here.. and frankly it is getting me down. Let alone that is not the only thing that is going on in my head...
Last night (and this is going to sound like bitching.. but just listen)... the "guest" came home after drinking 5 drinks (10 shots). Then continued to drink about 10 more shots. I decided to just let go and watch. I don't know if you have ever drank before to where you do something stupid, get the blues .. or some other negative thing happens that makes you say.. "never again, I'm not touching alcohol." Well, I have, but it usually comes from feelings of guilt, embarrassment, etc. and when you do go to that next event and choose not to drink.. there (at least for me) have been times where there is some remorse, feelings of being left out, boredom and maybe even a dash of self pity for not being able (even though it was my choice) to join in on the "fun."
Last night I wasn't part of the drinking.. I was just an observer. He wanted to keep drinking so I just watched.. had to do a little babysitting here and there (drunk loud person, quiet neighbors, new white couch), but otherwise I just watched. I have never felt so good as I did last night about not drinking. He was so... out of it, emotional, smelly, animalistic in his behaviors (bodily functions, movements, etc.)... it actually made my stomach turn. It was really sad and sickening to watch. I was looking at a person who has/had potential.. and was throwing it away shot by shot. An amazingly good looking guy who was anything but attractive. Anyhoo.. that was the glass half full version of having the house guest.
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Last night's dream ( I need to start writing these again so I remember them):
We (friends curtis, emily, lil, sean, ken) were all at some ??? retreat/library/?? some building w/ different rooms, books, nice architecture etc... lots of windows, wood, corridors w/ trees. My mom was there for some reason but for work... She just popped in the dream at the beginning and was gone. Then I was in a room w/ red couches, cushions (all warm colors) etc.. and wood walls and Ken came over because he wanted to see this cartoon dragon video game. He thought the dragons were cute and they made him laugh. Then I went to where the rest of them were.... and they were kind of having a ?? cocktail party - old school, mod hanging lamps, shag carpet, abstract art on the paneled walls, emily was picking out records to listen to and everyone was nude... but it was "normal" in the dream (as in no gasping or covering of the body parts going on). Anyhoo... not sure what it all meant, but a cozy dream all-n-all. It was nice "seeing" them all again. ;)
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