the house guest
Although he was quite a handful and lots of drama... I did learn a lot from this experience. Not just to not take in a random stranger who is down on his luck... but I learned things from observing him... and traits that I was critical of him on I could see in myself in a milder sense... but they were still there.... pot/kettle/black (pkb)...
Some great things about him ... he is a fun loving person.. not meaning his drinking and partying. He is a very enthusiastic person, wants to share experiences, his enthusiasm, his excitment. He knows how to just have fun, be goofy and let go (something I could use improvement on).
He also has a good heart... just does't always use it.
He is a smart guy... if he would just put a little effort into himself, his life.. he could really do something... but he doesn't.. He is into the instant gratification bit. This is where I learned something about myself. I may do ok for myself at a level I have considered "comfortable"... but ... I'm am smart and talented ... if I pushed myself more.. and didn't settle for just comfortable, I might be able to do something more with my life as well. pkb
Monday, October 16, 2006
Friday, October 13, 2006
dreams, dear-ness and drama
dream
ok... night before last I had another naked dream. what is up w/ that?
I was in another nice home (architecturally) w/ lots of bare wood, windows, high peaks, vaulted ceilings etc... in the woods or something and there was another home just up a hill from me that could basically look right in to mine. People came over for a dinner or something, all nude again, and my exbf (in the dream) lived up in the other house and was watching. :-s
dear-ness
We have some mentally challenged folks that work in my building. They work in the basement (they stuff envelopes next to the mailroom... we don't keep them in the basement under lock and key or anything). On my way to lunch, a couple of the guys and a girl were on the elevator w/ me yesterday. The one fella (late thirtiesish) said to the other.. "you know Tom....? you are my bessst friend." The other one replied... "I know.. you are mine too... I thought about you yesterday." It was the sweetest thing. I was all warm and fuzzy inside all of lunch. Just being open and nice... no ego, no fear .. anyhoo.. was sweet.
drama
alcohol... mixed with house guest... such bad news. I'm moving him out today at lunch. He got very?? well.. yelling, fighting (verbally) and then physical. I kept feeling like I was just watching a movie, like "I can't be part of this.. this isn't real right?" I should have put my foot down a while ago.. but I have zero tolerance for the physical bit. Soooo.. :) will have my place back this weekend. :)... get my rugs Tuesday, get my life back before my trip. :)
All-in-all... a good experience really.. seeing how someone can blame their circumstances... and never get past it.. not see what they do have... and just throw it away day by day... Good lesson.
ok... night before last I had another naked dream. what is up w/ that?
I was in another nice home (architecturally) w/ lots of bare wood, windows, high peaks, vaulted ceilings etc... in the woods or something and there was another home just up a hill from me that could basically look right in to mine. People came over for a dinner or something, all nude again, and my exbf (in the dream) lived up in the other house and was watching. :-s
dear-ness
We have some mentally challenged folks that work in my building. They work in the basement (they stuff envelopes next to the mailroom... we don't keep them in the basement under lock and key or anything). On my way to lunch, a couple of the guys and a girl were on the elevator w/ me yesterday. The one fella (late thirtiesish) said to the other.. "you know Tom....? you are my bessst friend." The other one replied... "I know.. you are mine too... I thought about you yesterday." It was the sweetest thing. I was all warm and fuzzy inside all of lunch. Just being open and nice... no ego, no fear .. anyhoo.. was sweet.
drama
alcohol... mixed with house guest... such bad news. I'm moving him out today at lunch. He got very?? well.. yelling, fighting (verbally) and then physical. I kept feeling like I was just watching a movie, like "I can't be part of this.. this isn't real right?" I should have put my foot down a while ago.. but I have zero tolerance for the physical bit. Soooo.. :) will have my place back this weekend. :)... get my rugs Tuesday, get my life back before my trip. :)
All-in-all... a good experience really.. seeing how someone can blame their circumstances... and never get past it.. not see what they do have... and just throw it away day by day... Good lesson.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Quit ur bi$%#*'n
Ok... I think I have used up my license to bitch on here.. and frankly it is getting me down. Let alone that is not the only thing that is going on in my head...
Last night (and this is going to sound like bitching.. but just listen)... the "guest" came home after drinking 5 drinks (10 shots). Then continued to drink about 10 more shots. I decided to just let go and watch. I don't know if you have ever drank before to where you do something stupid, get the blues .. or some other negative thing happens that makes you say.. "never again, I'm not touching alcohol." Well, I have, but it usually comes from feelings of guilt, embarrassment, etc. and when you do go to that next event and choose not to drink.. there (at least for me) have been times where there is some remorse, feelings of being left out, boredom and maybe even a dash of self pity for not being able (even though it was my choice) to join in on the "fun."
Last night I wasn't part of the drinking.. I was just an observer. He wanted to keep drinking so I just watched.. had to do a little babysitting here and there (drunk loud person, quiet neighbors, new white couch), but otherwise I just watched. I have never felt so good as I did last night about not drinking. He was so... out of it, emotional, smelly, animalistic in his behaviors (bodily functions, movements, etc.)... it actually made my stomach turn. It was really sad and sickening to watch. I was looking at a person who has/had potential.. and was throwing it away shot by shot. An amazingly good looking guy who was anything but attractive. Anyhoo.. that was the glass half full version of having the house guest.
- - - - - -
Last night's dream ( I need to start writing these again so I remember them):
We (friends curtis, emily, lil, sean, ken) were all at some ??? retreat/library/?? some building w/ different rooms, books, nice architecture etc... lots of windows, wood, corridors w/ trees. My mom was there for some reason but for work... She just popped in the dream at the beginning and was gone. Then I was in a room w/ red couches, cushions (all warm colors) etc.. and wood walls and Ken came over because he wanted to see this cartoon dragon video game. He thought the dragons were cute and they made him laugh. Then I went to where the rest of them were.... and they were kind of having a ?? cocktail party - old school, mod hanging lamps, shag carpet, abstract art on the paneled walls, emily was picking out records to listen to and everyone was nude... but it was "normal" in the dream (as in no gasping or covering of the body parts going on). Anyhoo... not sure what it all meant, but a cozy dream all-n-all. It was nice "seeing" them all again. ;)
Last night (and this is going to sound like bitching.. but just listen)... the "guest" came home after drinking 5 drinks (10 shots). Then continued to drink about 10 more shots. I decided to just let go and watch. I don't know if you have ever drank before to where you do something stupid, get the blues .. or some other negative thing happens that makes you say.. "never again, I'm not touching alcohol." Well, I have, but it usually comes from feelings of guilt, embarrassment, etc. and when you do go to that next event and choose not to drink.. there (at least for me) have been times where there is some remorse, feelings of being left out, boredom and maybe even a dash of self pity for not being able (even though it was my choice) to join in on the "fun."
Last night I wasn't part of the drinking.. I was just an observer. He wanted to keep drinking so I just watched.. had to do a little babysitting here and there (drunk loud person, quiet neighbors, new white couch), but otherwise I just watched. I have never felt so good as I did last night about not drinking. He was so... out of it, emotional, smelly, animalistic in his behaviors (bodily functions, movements, etc.)... it actually made my stomach turn. It was really sad and sickening to watch. I was looking at a person who has/had potential.. and was throwing it away shot by shot. An amazingly good looking guy who was anything but attractive. Anyhoo.. that was the glass half full version of having the house guest.
- - - - - -
Last night's dream ( I need to start writing these again so I remember them):
We (friends curtis, emily, lil, sean, ken) were all at some ??? retreat/library/?? some building w/ different rooms, books, nice architecture etc... lots of windows, wood, corridors w/ trees. My mom was there for some reason but for work... She just popped in the dream at the beginning and was gone. Then I was in a room w/ red couches, cushions (all warm colors) etc.. and wood walls and Ken came over because he wanted to see this cartoon dragon video game. He thought the dragons were cute and they made him laugh. Then I went to where the rest of them were.... and they were kind of having a ?? cocktail party - old school, mod hanging lamps, shag carpet, abstract art on the paneled walls, emily was picking out records to listen to and everyone was nude... but it was "normal" in the dream (as in no gasping or covering of the body parts going on). Anyhoo... not sure what it all meant, but a cozy dream all-n-all. It was nice "seeing" them all again. ;)
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
He is moving!!!!
Wow do I feel better. I actually was concerned about him being homeless. Yahoo!
Happy dance city!!! :D
Happy dance city!!! :D
Monday, October 09, 2006
20 days
20 days until house "guest" leaves
20 days until I leave for UK
I've learned some more stuff re: ... "helping" people...
some things I knew.. but maybe didn't practice all of the time, like...
* if you give... expect nothing in return... not appreciation, respect, nothing... or you will be frustrated.
* only give what you really know you can handle giving... or again... you will be frustrated
* if you give... do not expect change... do not expect the help to have "worked," do not expect it to really "help" ... or .. you get it. ;)
and a biggie.. don't give to someone who is a slacker/feels the world owes them ... mind you, you will not always know this ahead of time, but try and figure that out if at all possible. ;)
And just because you may see some good in someone ... doesn't mean that they will be.
Oy...oy oy
So if I can get through the next 20 days w/out having a heart attack.. I will be a happy camper.
This trip hopefully will be a breather of sorts, although I'll be running all over the place... we'll see. I think I'll only get a couple of 1/2 days solo. I really need some time to myself, but hopefully I will get that when I get back... and if I can successfully avoid the "guest"... then I can breath easy. Then off to my next adventure.. whatever that is.
20 days until I leave for UK
I've learned some more stuff re: ... "helping" people...
some things I knew.. but maybe didn't practice all of the time, like...
* if you give... expect nothing in return... not appreciation, respect, nothing... or you will be frustrated.
* only give what you really know you can handle giving... or again... you will be frustrated
* if you give... do not expect change... do not expect the help to have "worked," do not expect it to really "help" ... or .. you get it. ;)
and a biggie.. don't give to someone who is a slacker/feels the world owes them ... mind you, you will not always know this ahead of time, but try and figure that out if at all possible. ;)
And just because you may see some good in someone ... doesn't mean that they will be.
Oy...oy oy
So if I can get through the next 20 days w/out having a heart attack.. I will be a happy camper.
This trip hopefully will be a breather of sorts, although I'll be running all over the place... we'll see. I think I'll only get a couple of 1/2 days solo. I really need some time to myself, but hopefully I will get that when I get back... and if I can successfully avoid the "guest"... then I can breath easy. Then off to my next adventure.. whatever that is.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Ok.. I get it...
I think the universe is throwing me all its got to teach me a lesson.
Lesson being... don't bend over backwards for people... there is never a need to do that. We are all adults... can take care of ourselves and can be responsible. I wouldn't ask anyone to bend over backwards for me... and if they did.. I surely would be greatful, respectful and find a way to thank them that they would appreciate.
I have had the double whammy of helping out my ex-roommate.. to where he wanted even more.. and criticized the help he did get.
And the neighbor who I am helping only because of the foibles my exroommate created.. and now he is whining.
I want my life back. He is a bull in a china cabinet. My life happens to be the china cabinet right now. He spends all his money on cigarettes and having a "good time" ... hasn't started looking for another place to live... doesn't even have money for food etc.. oy oy oy. Helping that kind of person isnt' helping him. Just prolongs his behavior which will probably never change. He is the grasshopper in aesop's fable. :-s... ok.. I need to work.
Lesson being... don't bend over backwards for people... there is never a need to do that. We are all adults... can take care of ourselves and can be responsible. I wouldn't ask anyone to bend over backwards for me... and if they did.. I surely would be greatful, respectful and find a way to thank them that they would appreciate.
I have had the double whammy of helping out my ex-roommate.. to where he wanted even more.. and criticized the help he did get.
And the neighbor who I am helping only because of the foibles my exroommate created.. and now he is whining.
I want my life back. He is a bull in a china cabinet. My life happens to be the china cabinet right now. He spends all his money on cigarettes and having a "good time" ... hasn't started looking for another place to live... doesn't even have money for food etc.. oy oy oy. Helping that kind of person isnt' helping him. Just prolongs his behavior which will probably never change. He is the grasshopper in aesop's fable. :-s... ok.. I need to work.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)