violin vs cello

Last night I dreamt I was at a party of sorts. Lots of people were there, food, music, disarray...

I didn't feel quite like I fit, but even more so when my exboyfriend showed up (MT) with his daughter (in reality he married and has a baby boy). He looked so much older. I realized it had been 7 years since I had seen him last, but he didn't look the same at all. He had the same pleasant, easy going feel about him though. He had a large cello in his hand. He must have learned how to play after we broke up.. which was funny to me because I was learning the violin. I almost told him that I really wanted to play the cello (which was true)... but decided against it and that he didn't really need to hear about me. I decided it was a good time to my things and quietly exit the party, as neither of us expected each other to be there, nor had any business being in each other's lives anymore.

carpool

I dreamt I was driving to work, but I worked in a different city and at a different job. I tidn't even feel like me. It was like I was in a life that would have happened to me if I stayed with a company I worked for years ago. Everything was secure and fine and nice enough. I had good health, decent income, decent transportation, decent relationships with my coworkers, but it was almost as if I was not there... like half of my body's switches were turned off.  I was driving to work with someone. I think we were to go to an event of sorts as well. A friend of mine (PC) was in the car with me, but this time she was driving. One of her necklaces fell off, I was trying to save it for her as the beads were made of glass and knew she really liked this necklace. I grabbed what I could, but she backed up over the necklace and broke many of the beads. I let her know what happened, but she didn't seem to care. Then I met someone... a fella. It felt like we worked together, or were supposed to soon. That part was a nice feeling. 

track

I dreamt that I was going to a track event. I think I was supposed to run, but not sure. There were not the usual events. We were waiting outside near the track. It was dusk. I think I had to use the bathroom, so I walked over to an old building. It looked like it has been there for years and been used for community events. It wasn't quite fresh smelling or looking, but was kept up for the most part. I went into one of the stalls in the bathroom. I could see a wedding had taken place the weekend before. Someone had left their guest gift in there. I picked it up and it was a bag of money. I thought hmmm... well they obviously don't know it is here and won't be coming back....   Then I found more. I thought.. my lucky day. It didn't feel wrong to take it, but it did feel a bit stingy.

Then someone came in the room. I decided to leave all of my new found loot and go back to my track team. In the short time I had left, the weather had changed and it was dark out. There was a dusting of snow on the ground and people were moving into another small building, more like a cottage. One of the volunteers, an older woman, told me that there had been more snow, but this is what was left. She guided me to the building where all of my friends were. People were on the floor in front of a fireplace, some in blankets. There was one little kid next to an adult and she had half asleep, curled herself as close to him as possible. Everyone found it cute. The ability to go for what you want without permission, apologies or explanations.

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I had another dream were I was visiting some home. I ran into old schoolmates (AH) and my cousin (T). It was nice to see AH and I had dreamy feelings about him. I had a crush on him in junior high and we had chemistry again. It was nice to feel. He was very athletic looking in the dream, not normally what I go for, but it was attractive. My cousin came to the door and wanted something...? Keys? or maybe he was dropping them off. Then his mother came by and had some more items for me. I ran after her at one point to get something else... kind of a blur now. Mainly the nice feelings with AH. 

Snow House

I dreamt I was staying in a very very nice pent house. It was not new and flashy, but money had lived there for many many years. There was old style furniture that really didn't go out of date due to the quality.

It was dark, and really not my type of place. I think I liked the idea of it or even that I had that opportunity, more than it was that I wanted to spend time there. A guy showed up in my place. I think he was the son of the owners. He acted like he had a right to be there, but he didn't because I was paying rent. He was walking around like he owned the place and had friends over. They were all a bit boozy. I had ordered a pizza and it would be coming soon. I went back to one of the rooms to get my things and put them all in one room. I wasn't about to argue with a bunch of people that night. I went in one room and someone was sleeping in there. I felt upset and not respected.

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Then I dreamt that I was working in a shop. A cute garden shop of sorts. They were giving out cider and cocoa and it was done very nicely. There was an outdoor area with an old wood fence where people could leave with their greenery. I overheard two women talking saying that such and such product was back but they are only selling it at the Snow House, a shop down the street.

I decided I would take my break and go see. I walked by many cute little restaurants and stores. I think I was hungry because I was eyeing a quick food place. I walked into the Snow House and they had very nice things. The lighting was warm and the clothing was displayed nicely. I never ended up seeing the product the ladies were talking about, but I was enjoying looking at everything else. I saw a nice blouse... it was sheer and short. I thought maybe it is a dicky, since the collar was fancy and would look good out over a sweater. Then I looked at the back and it was laced. I then realized you could wear it over something. Either way, I liked the idea of both.

movie crew

I dreamt I was walking towards and through pretty trees... a forest?  I was very in the moment enjoying the experience.

Then I was riding around on a foot scooter. Then kind that you push with one leg. I found that I didn't need to move my legs. I could stand on it with both feet and lift my toes back and forth and the motion would cause movement forward as well. I thought it was kind of neat and less tiring.

Then I was flying to a location. It was first class all of the way. I was part of a crew for a big movie that was being filmed. The scene at the moment was being filmed in a fancy restaurant that had the feeling of the 20s.
I felt like I was part of it but not. It was like I was dating someone in the movie or part of a support piece of the movie, but not the main important group. I was walking up the stairs in the restaurant to get some me time when I realized they led to no where....
I wanted to get away...

I ended up walking around the set. The odd part was.. even though I didn't feel part of it.. I knew I was appreciated, taken care of, and loved even. There was something in me not letting it happen or letting it in.

Then I was looking through cases of makeup... stuff they bought for the shoot they didn't need... false eyelashes, samples etc.... I was looking through it, but then all of these young girls starting going through it and I felt uncomfy about going through them. I felt as if going through it was being greedy and cheap. 

candy

I dreamt I was staying in a home. It wasn't mine, but my space was my space. There were people there that I didn't feel so at home with, but they were nice enough. Some little girls had been up in my space and were taking my candy. I shouldn't have cared, as I didn't really want it, but I didn't like them messing with my things either.

dehydrated fish

I dreamt a friend of mine (CK) bought new shoes. They were red and black high heels. The heel was black and the shoe was red patent leather. That is how they looked on the inside. The outside view... they looked like sneakers. She decided she didn't like them when she realized they looked that way.

Then I dreamt I was given an iphone for my birthday from my dad. It looked more like a car stereo's removable face plate. I was out taking photos with it. I was trying to get photos of ice cycles. Some were vertical, some perpendicular... It was strange until I realized they were ice cycle xmas lights that became longer due to ice.

Then I went for a walk on the sand near ocean. I was on some sort of trip. There was a weird tunnel made of sticks.  I could see the hotel we were staying at from the beach. We went back to the hotel because my dad needed to get ready for something. He had fancy purple cowboy boots. He was a bit hovery, asking me questions and it was stressing me out. My step-mom seemed sad and a bit lost.

From the window I saw a cloud ploom. Was it a volcano? I went down to see and it was some old way of freeze drying fish. They would put the fish inside an icey dome and then poor boiling water over top... creating the ploom.... this would dehydrate the fish somehow...??

I couldn't find my phone... wanted to take a photo

baby stories

I dreamt I saw my ex-sister-in-law (brother's ex-wife). She had to children after the divorce. She was talking to me and she said... you were only friends with me to (don't remember exactly what she said but the jist was that she felt I was being false to her... nice only to get by, or get something). I didn't feel mad....It made me wonder and then I realized she was right. I didn't dislike her, but we also didn't really click. I was only surface nice to her.

Then I dreamt about an old coworker (DB). She was someone that was always kind of hmmm... overly nice. Kind of syrupy nice. It was like she had some sort of magic over men. I thought she was nice enough, and had a good heart, but I didn't care for that part of her. In my dream she was pregnant. I was happy for her situation and it was if I was viewing it all from the outside. Them viewing me... still single etc. and me viewing me viewing them.

Then I dreamt I was talking to my friend (SP). He was saying that he had worried that some day I would be in a situation where I was alone and pregnant and he was happy that it never happened. To me it seemed it wouldn't be a problem, although I could see his point.

cautious rat

I dreamt I was at a beach house, a very nice beach house. It was being finished. I looked through a window in the door of the garage. I could see plumbing fixtures in a box. Everything was very clean and new. I was on the cement that was between the garage and the house near the front door waiting for a guy friend. We were closing up the house and leaving to go do something fun. I felt a little rushed, a little excited to be with him, but also a little like it wasn't right. Just as we were about to go, my boss walked up with a colleague. I was nervous. It felt like we were not supposed to be there. He was completely polite and nice.

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This may have been the same dream... as we were leaving the house. This actor who plays Zeus in the recent movie Immortals, he was after us. He was angry. It was strange though because I wasn't scared. If anything I liked that it was out in the open and I was ready to meet him head on.

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Then I dreamt that these cute little brown mice were playing. They were light hearted and having a good time running around without purpose. There was a rat there too. You could tell he wanted to play and be care free, but he held back. He was watching their moves, seeing how they played... seeing if he could trust them so he could play too.

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Then I dreamt I was going to Vegas with a guy friend (GH). He was wanting me to get everything together properly so we could go have a nice time. It was as if he was excited to be going and with me. There was something in me though that hmm not that I didn't believe him, but I did't trust it.. trust the whole scene....

point of view

I dreamt I was at a gathering. My grandma brought a pasta type dish. I was taking it and arranging on the plate the best I could the way she had it in her carrying dish. There was purple cabbage in it. It was initially green, but was "purpled."  Another woman in the room wouldn't "purple" her cabbage... she always just bought purple cabbage. My grandma was very particular about having to do the "purpling" or it wasn't right.

 - - -

I dreamt that I was driving with a coworker (FB). We were delivering some ipads for work. We were driving in a very pretty area, almost fantasy like and tropical we were getting near a hill and I was trying to push on the gas but was having trouble. I realized there was a blanket under the gas pedal. I saw a pretty view on my side of the car. Blue pools of water and white tents and trees.I was telling FB that she should look because it was so pretty and unique. She acted like she understood what I was saying, but it was obvious that she didn't because she didn't even turn her head. I really wanted her to see it. I looked to her side and I saw an equally pretty view and figured she didn't really need to see mine.

payback

I dreamt that I was telling my boyfriend from high school that I never intended to not pay him back money he lent me. That although I'm working on something now... it is always on my mind and he will get it back. I'm not sure he was convinced. I think he felt used. 

bottom floor

I dreamt I was on my way to a function and had to go through a neighborhood I had been to before (dream only). I hadn't visited since the 1980s. It felt strange to visit that time in my again. I had some nice associations and it just felt like another lifetime and maybe even another life. I went down one street and I remembered that the were old homes that were turned into condos. At the time, one of the owners had suggested to buy both bottom condos and make it into one. I could see that she had accomplished her mission, as all of the condos on the bottom were now large. I was thinking they made a lot of money on this deal and in a way it was unfortunate because it was such a pretty neighborhood and now less people and only the wealthy could enjoy it.

There was a blond man there. He had been there before too. I had never known him, but had seen him from time to time. He recognized me and invited me in. His condo was three levels. We were on the bottom. His friend told me it was ok to check out the other floors.  As you went up the stairs, each level was much smaller than the first. The third level was barely there, maybe room for one person uncomfortably. I wouldn't go up there. I just looked from the stairs.

I was feeling a little stressed because I knew I had to get to my function, but I thought it was nice to get to know this man too.

 - - -

Had another dream I was in a building. There were women there that had been older than me in high school. They were all popular or sporty types. They were all dressed fancy and had just finished there masters... all together, same program. They were high-fiving each other in their sparkly dresses. It felt like empty progress. Progressing to progress.

my space

I dreamt I was going to see some concert. I had been a few times at this outdoor venue and had always sat in the same area. I decided to sit somewhere else this time for a change. I walked by my normal spot... then looked at the place where I would normally set my things. I had a bit of a fear feeling.... should I just sit there? should I place my things there just in case? What if I don't find a new good spot?  Then I decided if I did that... I would just either go to my old spot, or I would be half in one spot and half in another, which would be stressful. I decided to just take a risk and find a new spot.

Then I dreamt I was at some hotel. There was an event that had happened or was going to. The basic feeling of people millling around, needing to get somewhere,  a bit of excitement in the air and confusion and everyone was dressed nice. I needed to get to the lobby, so I got on an elevator with a middle aged man with dark glossy hair. The kind you would see on a newscaster. He was kind of chubby, had money, seemed not relaxed, not authentic, probably high level job due to kissing hiny and being political. The elevator was unique in that it moved horizontally across the building and downward... then back up and then down again. It felt kind of fun because it was fast, but also wrong, like a waste of time and going in the wrong direction.

Then I dreamt that I was walking up to a nice house with some women. They were ?? girls' girls. Kind of think J. Lo-esque... all had long hair, perfect make-up, cute little dresses, accessories, nails.... the works. I'm not sure why I was with them. I felt like I was part of their group, but I didn't really have the same values, but I could get by. The main girl was rich. This had been where her family went on vacations. Basically a small mansion on a hill, that they used occasionally years ago, but now was just there for the kids to throw parties. Her brother had used it the most and it was a bit dirty and trashed. As she was touring us, she had this glow and smile to her face. Kind of proud of the house, her status, her place in life, but no real connection to us.

Then I dreamt I walked up to some large building.. but it was more like a university or ?? with a campus. The buildings were all one story. I had rented a space there for my company. I went into the room for the first time and I was a little disappointed with the arrangement... a sink in an odd spot and odd structures. I figured I could work with it though and make it nice. I started arranging things .. then went outside. There were kiosks and tables being set up for some outdoor event. It was like a fair or something light and fun. I was walking around and then saw Mike Dooley. He was doing a performance. He didn't have anything on his body but yellow makeup. There was a track going on along with his performance and it was saying messages and he would move to it. Each time he would press his body against something, a layer of makeup would come off revealing colors, designs that were a message of sorts. I was glad to see him and wanted to talk to him, but knew he was too busy right now. I walked back to my space and there were two women in it undoing my organization and setting up for an event. I was upset. Why were they in my space... ?  I then realized I had paid for the next month, they were just letting me in early and so they could use it. It still didn't feel good.

outsider

I was at a brunch or something similar with work mates. They were miscellaneous work mates from different times in my life, some nice, some I didn't care for. The restaurant was nice, the food was nice, the lighting was nice....  but I was uncomfortable. I didn't fit, didn't want to be there, so put on a show to get by, to fit in.  SP one of the women, brought tray of different desserts. They had been a dessert from each celebration the company had had. They were all ooohing and aaahing like it was something special and something good, something worth all of this pretending and stress for.

Then I went into another room. My mother was there and she was introducing me to people. More people that I didn't care about, didn't fit in with, she didn't fit in with, but one must be polite.

I left the function and was driving home, I think with a coworker. I was looking out of the window, we were driving along a river. I forgot how pretty it was and thought I needed to make time to go there and appreciate it. There were a bunch of people there dressed in costume. Almost old European costumes and war suites. They were shooting fake canons as part of some holiday. I had forgot about that too. It was very festive and nice to see.

Then it seemed the group of workers were all at some sort of retreat. I think we were all staying in a very large home of some sort. People were leisurely getting ready, chatting with their spouses or enjoying themselves. I was the only one running around doing errands, making sure things were taken care of. It bothered me and I wanted to stop, but my mind kept urging me to finish.... just finish this and you will be done.. and then that.. and then the next time the boss sees you what ever he asks for. I looked in the mirror... I noticed almost the whole top of my head was almost bald. I thought... well good to know... means I must be stressed, I should do something about it before it takes real affect.  Some people were about off to go do something fun and festive. I heard someone ask if  was coming. Some kid said I couldn't make it because I was "owned."

Then I dreamt that this guy I met in the Netherlands (RVB) was talking to me. He was showing me a calendar. One line showed a date that had past and then a future date a year later. He said... so... I guess we will get together in a year then?  I told him he had said the same thing last year... and it didn't happen.

focus

I dreamt I had an ah ha of sorts. I was being told from somewhere a "key" to life. It was about focus and how it affects your life. It is almost as if each of is a remote control. If we push the 1 button... we will call up all things/channels/events dealing with one. Let's say you do not want one. Talking about how you don't want it... is still pushing the one button. Thinking about how you want to let go of one... pushing the one button. Saying over and over... I will release one.. it is gone... or say... thinking of the absence of  one.... is still pushing the one button.   So, focus on something else, something you like, something you want, (of course something means anything... not just an object).  Let go of fears, worry and so on...

So then as if I needed to be shown an example, I was with some friends. We were all taking classes and I had been going to the morning classes and doing very well. All of a sudden I realized I had totally forgotten about my afternoon classes. Grades were about to come out and it was much to late do do anything about it. I quickly called the school office to face what would happen with me, the classes and so on. There was a recording of a woman telling me that if you miss your classes, don't worry about it. The fact that you didn't go, means you didn't have it on your mind, means you didn't worry about it, means that it doesn't matter, and it won't affect me. I was thrilled.

Then my friends and I were eating... Chicken and something else?? I realized I was eating but wasn't hungry. Kind of another example in a way... You focus on what is in front of you ...