woke up to this song in my head: Love is the Answer

"Love Is The Answer" - Todd Rundgren

Name your price
A ticket to paradise
I can't stay here any more
And I've looked high and low
I've been from shore to shore to shore
If there's a short cut I'd have found it
But there's no easy way around it

Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer

Who knows why
Someday we all must die
Were all homeless boys and girls
And we are never heard
It's such a lonely world
People turn their heads and walk on by
Tell me, is it worth just another try?

Tell me, are we alive, or just a dying planet?
What are the chances?
Ask the man in your heart for the answers

And when you feel afraid, love one another
When you've lost your way, love one another
When you're all alone, love one another
When you're far from home, love one another
When you're down and out, love one another
All your hopes run out, love one another
When you need a friend, love one another
When you're near the end, love one another
We got to love one another

Light of the world, you got to shine
Love will be a means, yeah, yeah
Shine on us all
Know that love can save the day
Just give it one more chance
Lord you just cant let it stop lord
Love is the answer
Got to be free to let love into your life
Let it shine

the edge

I dreamt that I was in a different place. I had to fly there. It seemed I flew there twice in my dreams, the second time bringing more luggage with vintage items. I was staying at a woman's house. I am not sure that I ever saw her or knew who she was. I did meet her daughter though, who was maybe in her late teens or almost twenty. She was a pretty girl on the verge of sexy but she didn't have that edge yet, still a girl. I liked meeting the "girl." She was wide-eyed, sweet and hopeful. I was meeting her just before she would change. She left to go to some event with friends, hair up in a pony tail, big smile and almost bouncy with happiness. I had the cases that were my grandmother's, filled with a treasure of old clothes from the 30's and 40's. I was looking forward to showing the girl.

She returned and I could tell it was happening. She was a bit thinner, and she almost had sharp edges to her now. Her skin was tan, and she had more of an edge. Some quickness that comes from experience defending and protecting. I felt less light about her, but showed her things anyway. She still had the girl inside, curious to see and the warmth that comes from sharing and kindness. As we went through the dresses, jewelry and old calling cards, she seemed to destroy everything she touched. The papers separated, the dress tore as she tried it on... I said we had to stop or it all would be ruined, making sure not to blame her... it was the frailty of the old items.

I started packing the things, and was going to be on my way. I wasn't sure how I would make it back with all of these cases. Maybe two trips...

the now

I dreamt that I was with an older blond lady. She seemed formal, came from money, with high standards, a bit snobbish and yet seemed open and caring. I went to go through the small town and she came along with me. I said that we, our family, had horse a while back and a part of me felt that I was trying to gain her acceptance a bit with these words. It was only for a second, but I still regretted not being one hundred percent authentic. She asked what my interests were and I could tell she was collecting information about me. Not to sum me up, but she actually cared about me and wanted to help me. I felt a warm feeling overcome me and it felt so nice to have someone in my life "watching over" me.

I walked down a street to check out the town to see if I was interested in it. I realized I had already seen this town. It was quaint. Did I like it? Was it enough? Then I decided to stop trying to figure it all out, to just enjoy what I enjoyed while I enjoyed it, moment by moment.

reveal

I dreamt that a friend of mine was going to a speaking engagement regarding Carl Jung's philosophies. I had forgotten that I used to attend those and said I wanted to go to. It was in an old dark church. It cost $12 and I think I had forgotten my money, but got in anyway. A friend of mine from Italy happened to be there with friends. After the speaker was done, we sat around on the floor in the lobby. I was wearing a sweater over some old fashioned black corset. I took of the sweater because I guess I liked what was underneath so much. My Italian friend made a slight sneer. I could tell he didn't like overly obvious. I question myself for a moment, but realized.. I wasn't trying to be overly sexy.. just liked the top and felt better. Although it did make me think. 

squirrel

I dreamt that I was in a room of the house I grew up in. It had two stories though. I was on the second and a large squirrel came in the window. I put out my hand and it crawled up my arm and held on to me. It wasn't afraid, but I could feel that it knew that didn't belong there. I looked out the window and my mom was outside. I called out to her to see what to do about the squirrel.She said to go ahead and put it in its cage. She looked younger, she felt independant of me as if she had never been a mother. It was cold feeling, but also interesting. I could look at her as a free being, not someone with a built in role. I walked down the stairs to let the squirrel outside and felt good that the squirrel would feel in its proper place.

freckle face

I dreamt that I was with some people from high school. They were not people I hung out with or even shared classes with. I knew of them and they knew of me. In the dream we were all chummy. We went to a vet's/animal shelter. The group was familiar with the place and I felt as though I was seeing it for the first time, although in my dream I should have known the place. I walked around trying to make it look like I knew what I was doing. There was a reddish haired freckled guy there. We really connected. It felt amazing. We all jumped back in the truck and they dropped me off at BP's house (another kid but from junior high). In the dream he was married and was making moves on me. I felt like part of my personality was going along with it, as if that is what I would normally do, but the recent me wanted to leave immediately and go be with the freckled guy.

Then I was at a carnival. My parents were there as well. There were free items laying around that would be gone soon if I didn't choose something. Some were piles of new baby clothes. I was thinking I could get something for my nephew, but then it was too late. Then there were old license plates on the ground. They had a metal plate that was part of the design that swung to the side to reveal a hole where you would put gas in the car. I had never seen anything like this, but in the dream it had recalled a memory that they used to exist and it brought back good feelings.

Then there was a box that was given to my dad. It was maybe 2 feet tall by a foot wide. It had tons of little compartments to put ties, jewelry and so on. It was very inventive and I was fascinated with it.

kayak sled

I dreamt that I was in a new restaurant with friend who cared about me. She seemed like a grandma or godmother. Then I left to go somewhere downtown. I was in an inflatable kayak and I maneuvered down the streets by leaning from side to side as if I was sledding. It was fun.

cat fur

I dreamt of a cat. It seemed to be wise, smart, had presence... something to be aware of. Not sure if it was to be feared or just noticed. I jumped through the door to the outside and its fur came off in one piece. It seemed like a normal thing for the cat. I wondered how hard it would be to put it back on.