missed opportunity

I dreamt that I was at a speaking event. The woman that was speaking "knew" things. She had the answers that you wanted. Only a few would be chosen from the audience to talk to her on stage. She was up on stage and talking to the audience, fussing with her hair a bit. I noticed she had braided the top of her hair to create some height. Then I noticed it was a hair piece. She continued talking and was pulling out different wigs, all different colors and styles. I wanted to see them on her as it can really change how someone appears. She just kept pulling them out and twirling them around on her hand and setting them back down. The session was at a break and many of the people left to use the bathroom, get a coffee or just stretch their legs. A few of us continued to sit in our chairs.

She stepped down off the stage and mingled with us, something she never does. She walked up to me and asked.. do you have any questions. This was a great opportunity... I had her all to myself and could ask anything... it was like her opening a giant wallet and saying... want some? take what you need.  I couldn't think of anything.. I immediately said.. "I'm fine, I don't have any questions." I thought to myself "What is wrong with you?!?!? You have the holy grail in front of you and you say no??"  I stopped her quickly and asked her about some problem that I already really knew the answer for ... and she gave me the answer that I already knew. She walked away and a woman in front of me turned and said that she had the same issue. She was a very large woman, with black hair all atop her head and bright clothing. She went on about how she was afraid to lose weight as her shape would morph into something less feminine than when she was heavy. I told her it was only a phase and that it would improve and that her health was more important that her worry of the phases. She looked at me and kissed me straight on the mouth. It wasn't romantic or meaning anything.. more of a thank you. It was odd to me, but nice in a sweet way like a squeeze on your shoulder or a hug. I looked at her and said, besides, you are pretty, luckier than most. Not sure why I said it.. I guess I wanted her to focus on the positive. 

Woke up to this song in my head - Only the Lonely

Roy Orbison – Only The Lonely Lyrics

(Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah, ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah)
(Oh, oh oh oh oh ooh-ah-ah, only the lonely, only the lonely)

Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know the way I feel tonight (Ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah)
Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know this feeling ain't right (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)

There goes my baby, there goes my heart
They're gone forever, so far apart
But only the lonely know wh-why-why I cry, only the lonely 
(Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah, ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah)
(Oh, oh oh oh oh ooh-ah-ah, only the lonely, only the lonely)

Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know the heartaches I've been through (Ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah
Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know I cry and cry for you (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)

Maybe tomorrow a new romance
No-o-o more sorrow, but that's the chance
You've got to take, if your lonely heart breaks
Only the lonely 

life and death

I dreamt that I was on a ship to somewhere... The ship was where I worked. I didn't do ship related work, but it was where our offices were. The coworker of mine was KM, AL and would morph back and forth between being other people in my life. I wasn't sure what my work was, but I was so happy to be on a ship, mobile, moving around instead of in an office. It was great. My coworker and I were on the bow of the ship and had a huge window. It was large enough to go a bit below sea level. The ship started rocking and moving... and then swirling in a large circle that started moving faster and faster. I looked outside and saw a whale shark. I said maybe he is nudging us??  They said no, this is something else. The boat started tossing and turning, the bow going completely under water and rising back up. Part of me thought I should be scared, but I wasn't. It was so exciting and thrilling. A ships man came to see how we were and said we must seal our door  to not flood our cabin. It was already halfway under water. I knew we could easily die, but this way of living was living and the old was in the office felt more like death.

camping

I dreamt that I was going camping with SaPa and JP (boss' son).  We were gathering beers for the trip. My friends KJ & HJ were going as well, but on a separate trip. They were checking out their tent and making sure it was ok. It was made of an almost sheer fabric that was easy to clean by just shaking it.

I had to use the bathroom and was sitting there when J walked in. Normally I would of eeked or screamed, but he treated it like nothing and asked me a few questions. I realized that it really is nothing and why are we all so freakish about our bodies being seen.

disconnect

I dreamt that I was at my brother's. They were going through their things and throwing away what they didn't need or want. I saw some velvet blue curtains I had given them recently. They were high quality and beautiful. They were ruined... stains, threads pulled, and son on. I was mortified. They were going to toss them... they said they were not worth anything... I was beside myself on how someone could treat something so poorly. I said "if you didn't want them, why didn't you give them back instead of treating them poor...."    Then there was a can on the ground. I showed it to my step mother. It was an antique. The label had a painting of a cartoonish cow on it. It was actually quite cute. So after the curtain talk, I thought I would lift my spirits by fixing up the can and observing it. I asked my step mom if she could hand me the can...
Her:  The van?
Me: The can
Her: It's tan?
Me: THE CAN
Her: The van?
Me: THE CAAAAANNN!!!

I woke up to my heart beating and being frustrated.

woke up to this song in my head "My Eyes Adored You"

"My Eyes Adored You"

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far away

Carried your books from school
Playing make-believe you're married to me
You were fifth grade, I was sixth
When we came to be

Walking home every day over 
Barnegat Bridge and Bay
Till we grew into the me and you
Who went our separate ways

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far

Headed for city lights
Climbed the ladder up
to fortune and fame
I worked my fingers to the bone
Made myself a name

Funny, I seem to find that
no matter how the years unwind
Still I reminisce about the girl I miss
And the love I left behind

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far

All my life I will remember
How warm and tender
We were way back then
Though I'm feeling sad regrets
I know I won't ever forget
You, my childhood friend

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far

unsaid

I dreamt that I worked at a sort of fashion place. I felt like I was an account manager of sorts and we had clients that were designers or? something that dealt with fashion. I know that we had to keep track of the new seasons and not quite sure what else, but we had to please them in one way or another. I liked the product but not the pleasing part. I didn't like the idea that I had to read minds... I did like the current lines I was working with though. A new fella was starting, a tall blond guy, with an odd haircut and straight bangs... almost a bob. He wanted my clients and I had to hand them over. I wasn't happy at first, but I just decided to accept it. What is is ... I moved to another desk and started handing over some of my paperwork. It started to feel better, to feel good that something new would be coming to me. Then I went over to explain who he would be dealing with and he turned into someone else... someone I liked. WW. We laid on the ground and started going over things. At one point I had to reach in front of him and his face brushed my ear and he whispered I love you. It felt so nice, and I loved him too but I didn't say it. I held my breath. I was worried... if I said it what would happen next... would we have to act on it... was it right... was it a mistake

duck tiger

I dreamt that  I was on a boat... I think I lived on it. There was a window at one end and I opened it. I was living on a river and I noticed a tiger swimming under water and a duck was standing on its back as it swam. I thought how crazy and cool and where am I that there are tigers in the river?? Then one tiger noticed my open window. It came close and at first I thought neat... but then it seemed like it was going to crawl through and I thought not so neat. I tried to shooo it away and it wasn't scared. I finally tried closing the window and it must of worked. Definitely a feeling of curiosity followed by fear.

Then I noticed the boat moving... someone had detached it from the dock. I wasn't sure how to operate it yet. I was floating down the river to who knows where. Then I thought it must have a motor or some sort of way to control the movement. I found the motor in the back and started steering. Then it was open and free of the house part. It was better and I felt better. 

dionysus

I dreamt I was holding a baby. Was it mine? someone else's? not sure. But I though it was beautiful and I was proud. Then the baby was a young man.  He had curly hair. I told him, "We need to find a name for you."   He liked ships and pirates so we started looking in old sailing books and then just old books. He looked on a page and said "Dionysus, I like that name." So he became Dionysus.

We were on a boat planning on a destination. It was too a big city or village that I had known would offer him variety and potential. We were sailing along enjoying ourselves when the watery path came to a fork. The boats were in two now and he was heading down one way, an unknown path to me and my boat was still at the head of the fork. I looked at him and with concern as if to ask.. should I be going with you?"

He looked back at me with a face that said.... I'm excited ... it is ok.

woke up to this son in my head - Shenandoah

alec and andrew

I dreamt that I had two new bosses. Alec Baldwin was the head of the company. He seemed even keel and professional. He looked out for his employees as well as his pocketbook. His next man in command was an Andrew Dice Clay type. Not someone you would trust with your daughter, but at the same time, he would look out for anyone he was connected with. I had mixed feelings around him for this reason. I knew he would take care of me... it was almost a warm feeling. But I also know he would take advantage of me if he got the chance.

farm

I dreamt I was with RC. He lived in empty vacant houses.  We were cozy together. Another girl tried to get his attention, but he wasn't interested. He really wasn't interested in being with anyone, but I didn't require anything.

Then I dreamt of GV, great feeling of friendship.

Then I dreamt of RB. I saw him and said.. "you've moved back!" I was happy to see him. He asked if I would like to buy a winery or farm with him. I was about to tell him of some property I was thinking of buying... but then realized, he hadn't really moved back, but he was going to move somewhere new. I liked the idea and decided to go with him.  We stayed at an inbetween place before getting to the farm. It had the feel of an old western town, simple. He, myself and his niece all slept in the same room. It was nice and peaceful. It was wonderful.

fat seal

I dreamt that I was at a bar with FE. There were picnic tables, a goat, people smoking. C&SK showed up. Then JS showed up. A group of guys needed chairs. They seemed like they were from some local sports team. The place was filled with bar flies.  One older crack lady was showing me her bruises. She had wet her pants.  The roof of the place started leaking.. it seemed it was more of a shed than an actual building. One of guys asked who I was. I introduced myself and FE.  Realizing SK already knew him. JS saw a puppet on a wall and went after it.

I asked a red head if he knew MM, he didn't but I said that he would look.  First looked at his phone because he had to do some buddy exercise. One was called mosquito where you clicked heels together. He had to tape what he did to send back to his buddy.  It looked like a difficult move and funny. Then a video came up of MM. He was bearded and D, his best friend. They were playing hockey? No, maybe it was luge, and with the red head. So he did know him. 

Later I woke up with a guy. I was worried, but then realized that I was fully dressed.  We were at a luge track. A drone was above taking a video of it. It was grassy and muddy. I saw MM and said "oh this is an Oregon luge."  

I walked the old crack lady to her home.  She asked some man for a writing piece. I guess she helped addicts. The man had taken his last pay and bought drugs. She asked him "Where is my article?!" He said it was coming and she went on about how she could pay someone else for this instead, trying to give him tough love. She asked what he did with his last pay and he lied. She kicked him out and he was on the corner between a building and a dumpster. His eyes got wide. He was going through withdrawal and needed a fix, sweating and fidgety. Then his eyes got bigger. Was he high? No, more like that he was in some trance. Like he was now under control of this thing. As his eyes became larger, they turned black. He dropped to the ground, his body bloated, arms shrunk and he flopped down. Looking like a fat seal. Noticing the feel of cement, that there was a puddle near by he wanted to roll in to feel. And to just sit and experience. It was sad but not. He was helpless to the drug, but not as miserable as it would appear to an outsider. 

Woke up to this song in my head - Welcome Back

Welcome back
Your dreams were your ticket out
Welcome back
To that same old place that you laughed about

Well the names have all changed since you hung around
But those dreams have remained and they've turned around
Who'd have thought they'd lead ya
(Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Back here where we need ya
(Back here where we need ya)

Yeah. we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot
Welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back

Welcome back
We always could spot a friend
Welcome back
And I smile when I think how you must have been

And I know what a scene you were learning in
Was there something that made you come back again
And what could ever lead ya
(What could ever lead ya)
Back here where we need ya
(Back here where we need ya)

Yeah, we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot
Welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back

And I know what a scene you were learning in
Was there something that made you come back again
And what could ever lead ya
(What could ever lead ya)
Back here where we need ya
(Back here where we need ya)

Yeah. we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot
Welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back

Yeah. we tease him a lot
Welcome back, welcome back
'Cause we got him on the spot
Welcome back, welcome back

Yeah. we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot
Welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back