decision

I dreamt that I was going to mall with dad, He is grumpy, He needs to shop for something particular.. . I think a suitcase.  We walk in the mall and there are so many children rambling about freely... We comment this is unsafe as we heard of an article stating that there have been kidnappings etc. in this mall. Then all of the lights turn off... I see everyone is in pajamas... it is some special pajama night... I'm thinking ok.. from bad to worse?

We keep walking through the mall, dad is still frustrated. We find a shop that has luggage and go in. Dad is looking for his particular item that he wants and I meander. The shop keeper is very nice, and kind of cute. He notices my dad is irritable. He tries to get my attention and ask me out but doesn't want my dad to notice fearing how he might react. I look at him and try to continue the cloak and dagger. I take a pen and try to write my number down for him and mouth to him to text me what he would like to say, but the pen isn't writing. I try on another piece of paper... I try scribbling lightly... harder, shaking the pen and trying again... nothing is working. I look up at him... then a light goes off... My business card!  I look and look and sort through a hand full of business cars, but there are none left of mine, just a bunch of business cards from other associates. My dad wants to leave, he is done with the store. I go and walk to the door opening and he is out the door. I look back to the shopkeeper and say good bye and when I turn back to the door, the store is moving... like a locomotive. Or maybe the outside is moving like one. I look outside and it is dark and snowing and no longer the interior of the mall. I feel as though I can either follow my dad or stay with the shopkeeper, but the decision will be final. I find myself slipping, the entry is tilting as if I am on a mountainside. I grasp the edge of the entry with my fingertips tightly and try to pull myself to the shopkeeper, who is now on his stomach with his hand outreached for mine. The outside is moving faster, the choice needs to be made now. I grab the shopkeepers hand and pull myself to it and kiss it as if that is the seal to the deal, the exclamation of my decision. It feels nice and we pull each other closer and are together. Then the store is the moving train. My legs are still hanging outside and we are still holding tight to each other, to our decision not letting the movement, the snow or anything sway our grasp. Then the train stops at the entrance of a shabby tunnel. There is old garbage and this and that strewn about all in different layers of black and gray. We look at each other and kiss. From the corner of my eye, I see what looks to be an insect. It is about 6 inches long and looks to be made of red beads stacked in a line. It curls over itself and then a flower blooms from it. It felt beautiful and affirming.