freedom

I dreamt that I had two boys, 2 and 4 years old.  I had a partner that I wanted nothing to do with... It actually felt worse than a prison, because I had made the choice to begin it all.  I felt obligated to my choice. But I felt like I would rather have death than be in that relationship. The person wasn't so horrible, but I couldn't be there anymore. Then there were the children... I initially felt like he  couldn't take them.. they should be mine.  I didn't want to live without them, I loved them so much. But I didn't want his influence on them ...  Then I recognized the life I would have, visitation, decisions, coordinating and I felt angst and trapped. I didn't want this life. I didn't want to have to be tied to him, to schedules, to ...   My mother had me over to talk about things... I knew where it was going... a list of everything I "should" do... I didn't want any of it. It was a nightmare.