family

I dreamt that I was with my high school boyfriend. We both looked a bit like we did back then and seemed as though we were still in love. It was different this time though. We were not needy for each other. We didn't have that intense desire... what we had was much better, a kind of nice comfort that was lighthearted and playful. We were on the floor snuggling a bit and then a boy tumbled on us... he was ours... or they were. There was a boy of about 5 or 6 and a toddler still in diapers. It was a nice family and a nice feeling.

excuse

I dreamt that I was living in a small village. TB and had both planned on eating healthier... meaning no sugars, breads, pastas etc. I went to the mailbox that was under a tree and found many packages were delivered for both of us. They were cards, treats and chocolates for Valentines Day. We both decided that maybe we should wait a day or two for our healthy eating as it would be sad to waste the presents we had just received.

At that point my step mom came by. It started snowing and she needed to run a few errands in town. We walked and walked in the snow, which was shaped into a kind of raised street. Then we started sliding, which was a bit like driving, but with less control. .

...

elevator

I dreamt that I was in a building. I worked there. I was up in the IT department and needed to take elevator. I walked back to the server room which was a bit cramped with wires strewn all over and found the elevator. It was a two seater. I thought maybe that it was a secret work elevator or a special  private executive elevator that took you to the top floors.

I got in to see if it would take me to where I needed to go. It moved, but not up. It went sideways then up then at an angle and then out of the building. I ended up a few blocks from the building out on a street.  A friend of mine was there and we started walking back to the building, but then we were on a tram. It went by a new coffee shop near our building called Canby Cafe. I was criticizing the name as it seemed kind of cheap sounding. A Russian man owned it and I figured he didn't know that Canby wasn't impressive in this city. M kind of got after me and then I felt a bit bad for being over critical.

When we returned to the building, the lobby was remodeled. It was nice enough before, but now it was futuristic, lots of metal and bright colors. It looked kind of flashy like a Vegas hotel. We continued walking and saw a man that was cooking. It seems he had a cafe in the lobby and we had a longstanding relationship with him from working in this building so long. I saw a whole chicken coated in wax and remembered that he had told us a story about some old recipe where you stuff sliced smoked meat into a chicken, then you dip the chicken in wax, coat it and then fry it.

M started talking about his husband. He said that when he and P would think the same thought, it would happen, whatever the thought. They were practicing controlling their thoughts to bring about change that they wanted.

Woke up to this song in my head "In the Shape of a Heart"

"In The Shape Of A Heart"

It was a ruby that she wore
On a chain around her neck
In the shape of a heart
In the shape of a heart
It was a time I won't forget
For the sorrow and regret
And the shape of a heart
And the shape of a heart
I guess I never knew
What she was talking about
I guess I never knew
What she was living without

People speak of love don't know what they're thinking of
Wait around for the one who fits just like a glove
Speak in terms of belief and belonging
Try to fit some name to their longing
People speak of love

There was a hole left in the wall
From some ancient fight
About the size of a fist
Or something thrown that had missed
And there were other holes as well
In the house where our nights fell
Far too many to repair
In the time that we were there

People speak of love don't know what they're thinking of
Reach out to each other though the push and shove
Speak in terms of a life and the learning
Try to think of a word for the burning

You keep it up
You try so hard
To keep a life from coming apart
And never know
What breaches and faults are concealed
In the shape of a heart

It was the ruby that she wore
On a stand beside the bed
In the hour before dawn
When I knew she was gone
And I held it in my hand
For a little while
And dropped it into the wall
Let it go, heard it fall

I guess I never knew
What she was talking about
I guess I never knew
What she was living without
People speak of love don't know what they're thinking of
Wait around for the one who fits just like a glove
Speak in terms of a life and the living
Try to find the word for forgiving

You keep it up
You try so hard
To keep a life from coming apart
And never know
The shallows and the unseen reefs
That are there from the start
In the shape of a heart

Woke up with this song in my head - Overkill

Men At Work

"Overkill"

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be all right
Perhaps it's just imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations that
I know will be all right
It's just overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away

my office

I dreamt that I was in an office. I'm not quite sure if I was moving into a new office or had been sharing one and someone else was moving out, but it was an improvement... more space, more freedom. The items of the other person were being put in boxes and I could see my future office clearing its way for me. I saw bare walls where I could put my art, desk tops and drawers where I could organize my things and create my own atmosphere.

other bus

I dreamt that I was on a bus.  I needed to get off of it because it was not going where I wanted to go. It was going some place I had been before. Once I headed towards the doors, I questioned myself.. Should I just stay on it as it is going forward, I don't know which bus to get on or where to catch one? But no.. this one wouldn't get me to where I wanted to go.

I stopped for second to think... last chance to stay on this bus leading to? or risk trying to get to my desired destination

I decided to get off the bus. I started walking on the side of a dirt road. There were trees on one side, but otherwise just dirt. There were others on the road... also heading in one way or another. Possibly knowing where they were going and possibly not.

survival

I dreamt that I was in a building, like an old plantation house. My dad, my brother and I were leaving and going to walk out the front door on to the porch. The porch was very large and surrounded the house and there were a wide set of steps leading down to a very large front yard about the size of a field. Many people were out there and there was much commotion. It seemed we were walking into a war of some kind. I noticed now that we all had a gun and so were prepared in a small way to engage. My dad and brother paused and sat on the steps, I standing behind them. My dad was holding my brother's hand as if to comfort him, both of them faced forward. I felt as though they must have a stronger link between them that I was unconscious of. It didn't feel bad, it just was.

We walked out into the array of boys and guns and they went one way and I was solo with my gun. As I looked at who I was fighting, they truly were boys. None of them more than 5 feet tall, with little uniforms and caps that looked like they were from the civil war. One boy tried to shoot me but I gained control of his arms and stole his gun. I thought I was good then, but he had another gun hidden in a pocket, which I wrestled from him as well. Finally I realized if I wanted to live, I had to shoot. I grabbed his musket, which had a long very skinny barrel of metal with no wood surrounding it and shot. The bullet left the barrel in slow motion, but kept straight to my target. I knew I could hit anything I pointed the gun at with accuracy. I exclaimed it out loud to anyone that was listening. I shot again and again, not to kill, but to live.

decision

I dreamt that I was going to mall with dad, He is grumpy, He needs to shop for something particular.. . I think a suitcase.  We walk in the mall and there are so many children rambling about freely... We comment this is unsafe as we heard of an article stating that there have been kidnappings etc. in this mall. Then all of the lights turn off... I see everyone is in pajamas... it is some special pajama night... I'm thinking ok.. from bad to worse?

We keep walking through the mall, dad is still frustrated. We find a shop that has luggage and go in. Dad is looking for his particular item that he wants and I meander. The shop keeper is very nice, and kind of cute. He notices my dad is irritable. He tries to get my attention and ask me out but doesn't want my dad to notice fearing how he might react. I look at him and try to continue the cloak and dagger. I take a pen and try to write my number down for him and mouth to him to text me what he would like to say, but the pen isn't writing. I try on another piece of paper... I try scribbling lightly... harder, shaking the pen and trying again... nothing is working. I look up at him... then a light goes off... My business card!  I look and look and sort through a hand full of business cars, but there are none left of mine, just a bunch of business cards from other associates. My dad wants to leave, he is done with the store. I go and walk to the door opening and he is out the door. I look back to the shopkeeper and say good bye and when I turn back to the door, the store is moving... like a locomotive. Or maybe the outside is moving like one. I look outside and it is dark and snowing and no longer the interior of the mall. I feel as though I can either follow my dad or stay with the shopkeeper, but the decision will be final. I find myself slipping, the entry is tilting as if I am on a mountainside. I grasp the edge of the entry with my fingertips tightly and try to pull myself to the shopkeeper, who is now on his stomach with his hand outreached for mine. The outside is moving faster, the choice needs to be made now. I grab the shopkeepers hand and pull myself to it and kiss it as if that is the seal to the deal, the exclamation of my decision. It feels nice and we pull each other closer and are together. Then the store is the moving train. My legs are still hanging outside and we are still holding tight to each other, to our decision not letting the movement, the snow or anything sway our grasp. Then the train stops at the entrance of a shabby tunnel. There is old garbage and this and that strewn about all in different layers of black and gray. We look at each other and kiss. From the corner of my eye, I see what looks to be an insect. It is about 6 inches long and looks to be made of red beads stacked in a line. It curls over itself and then a flower blooms from it. It felt beautiful and affirming.

Woke up to this song in my head - Crazy On You

"Crazy On You"

We may still have time
We might still get by
Every time I think about it I want to cry
With the bombs and the devils
And the kids keep coming
Nowhere to breathe easy...no time to be young
But I tell myself that I'm doing alright
There's nothing left to do tonight but go crazy on you

My love is the evening breeze touching your skin
The gentle sweet singing of leaves in the wind
The whisper that calls, after you in the night
And kisses your ear in the early light
You don't need to wonder, you're doing fine
And my love, the pleasure's mine
Let me go crazy on you

Wild man's world is crying in pain
What you gonna do when everybody's insane
So afraid of fortune, so afraid of you
What you gonna do?
Crazy on you, let me go crazy on you
I was willow last night in my dream
I bent down over a clear running stream
I sang you the song that i heard up above
And you keep me alive with your sweet flowing love
Crazy, crazy on you,
Let me go crazy, crazy on you

travel rooms

I dreamt that I was visiting some woman. She was an older lady and lived in a unique apartment downtown Amsterdam. She lived there with her husband. She was cordial and a good host, but at one point she said..."you know, you are really close to New York City... would be a shame if you didn't pop over there. I also have a friend there that has offered up her condo for free." I was thinking... did I over stay? Are they annoyed with me? I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew I was going to at least stay one more night. I called my friend MB to see if he would be interested in a trip to NYC, that it was a great deal with a free place to stay and so on. He said yes.

So we all of a sudden were there, but there now was some third world country. We wanted to go downtown, so we went to where you would catch a bus. While waiting we walked into an old building and into some shops. We were surprised at the high quality of items. The bus had arrived and we rant to jump on it. Everyone else had boarded and it was full, or so we thought. The driver was Turkish and said with almost a mean smile... "Grab onto the door, it will be fine."  I looked at my friend with a reassuring face like.. this must be normal so let's get on and not lose our ride. I held onto the door and the man sped off... the door swung out and my feet were dragging on the ground, although I did not seem to get injured. I yelled at the driver to stop and let us get on properly and I noticed there were actual seats on the bus, so he did.

Then we were in a hotel room. It was the room of the owner where I worked. We were getting ready and moving about, knowing we had to get out of there before he returned. I had accidentally pushed some button which auto-remade the bed. I quickly pushed the button several times to stop it from happening. I didn't want evidence of our presence in his room. The bed didn't completely come undone, but was ruffled. I was going to go retighten the sheets and blankets, but the owner showed up. 

missed opportunity

I dreamt that I was at a speaking event. The woman that was speaking "knew" things. She had the answers that you wanted. Only a few would be chosen from the audience to talk to her on stage. She was up on stage and talking to the audience, fussing with her hair a bit. I noticed she had braided the top of her hair to create some height. Then I noticed it was a hair piece. She continued talking and was pulling out different wigs, all different colors and styles. I wanted to see them on her as it can really change how someone appears. She just kept pulling them out and twirling them around on her hand and setting them back down. The session was at a break and many of the people left to use the bathroom, get a coffee or just stretch their legs. A few of us continued to sit in our chairs.

She stepped down off the stage and mingled with us, something she never does. She walked up to me and asked.. do you have any questions. This was a great opportunity... I had her all to myself and could ask anything... it was like her opening a giant wallet and saying... want some? take what you need.  I couldn't think of anything.. I immediately said.. "I'm fine, I don't have any questions." I thought to myself "What is wrong with you?!?!? You have the holy grail in front of you and you say no??"  I stopped her quickly and asked her about some problem that I already really knew the answer for ... and she gave me the answer that I already knew. She walked away and a woman in front of me turned and said that she had the same issue. She was a very large woman, with black hair all atop her head and bright clothing. She went on about how she was afraid to lose weight as her shape would morph into something less feminine than when she was heavy. I told her it was only a phase and that it would improve and that her health was more important that her worry of the phases. She looked at me and kissed me straight on the mouth. It wasn't romantic or meaning anything.. more of a thank you. It was odd to me, but nice in a sweet way like a squeeze on your shoulder or a hug. I looked at her and said, besides, you are pretty, luckier than most. Not sure why I said it.. I guess I wanted her to focus on the positive. 

Woke up to this song in my head - Only the Lonely

Roy Orbison – Only The Lonely Lyrics

(Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah, ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah)
(Oh, oh oh oh oh ooh-ah-ah, only the lonely, only the lonely)

Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know the way I feel tonight (Ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah)
Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know this feeling ain't right (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)

There goes my baby, there goes my heart
They're gone forever, so far apart
But only the lonely know wh-why-why I cry, only the lonely 
(Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah, ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah)
(Oh, oh oh oh oh ooh-ah-ah, only the lonely, only the lonely)

Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know the heartaches I've been through (Ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah
Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know I cry and cry for you (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)

Maybe tomorrow a new romance
No-o-o more sorrow, but that's the chance
You've got to take, if your lonely heart breaks
Only the lonely 

life and death

I dreamt that I was on a ship to somewhere... The ship was where I worked. I didn't do ship related work, but it was where our offices were. The coworker of mine was KM, AL and would morph back and forth between being other people in my life. I wasn't sure what my work was, but I was so happy to be on a ship, mobile, moving around instead of in an office. It was great. My coworker and I were on the bow of the ship and had a huge window. It was large enough to go a bit below sea level. The ship started rocking and moving... and then swirling in a large circle that started moving faster and faster. I looked outside and saw a whale shark. I said maybe he is nudging us??  They said no, this is something else. The boat started tossing and turning, the bow going completely under water and rising back up. Part of me thought I should be scared, but I wasn't. It was so exciting and thrilling. A ships man came to see how we were and said we must seal our door  to not flood our cabin. It was already halfway under water. I knew we could easily die, but this way of living was living and the old was in the office felt more like death.

camping

I dreamt that I was going camping with SaPa and JP (boss' son).  We were gathering beers for the trip. My friends KJ & HJ were going as well, but on a separate trip. They were checking out their tent and making sure it was ok. It was made of an almost sheer fabric that was easy to clean by just shaking it.

I had to use the bathroom and was sitting there when J walked in. Normally I would of eeked or screamed, but he treated it like nothing and asked me a few questions. I realized that it really is nothing and why are we all so freakish about our bodies being seen.

disconnect

I dreamt that I was at my brother's. They were going through their things and throwing away what they didn't need or want. I saw some velvet blue curtains I had given them recently. They were high quality and beautiful. They were ruined... stains, threads pulled, and son on. I was mortified. They were going to toss them... they said they were not worth anything... I was beside myself on how someone could treat something so poorly. I said "if you didn't want them, why didn't you give them back instead of treating them poor...."    Then there was a can on the ground. I showed it to my step mother. It was an antique. The label had a painting of a cartoonish cow on it. It was actually quite cute. So after the curtain talk, I thought I would lift my spirits by fixing up the can and observing it. I asked my step mom if she could hand me the can...
Her:  The van?
Me: The can
Her: It's tan?
Me: THE CAN
Her: The van?
Me: THE CAAAAANNN!!!

I woke up to my heart beating and being frustrated.

woke up to this song in my head "My Eyes Adored You"

"My Eyes Adored You"

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far away

Carried your books from school
Playing make-believe you're married to me
You were fifth grade, I was sixth
When we came to be

Walking home every day over 
Barnegat Bridge and Bay
Till we grew into the me and you
Who went our separate ways

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far

Headed for city lights
Climbed the ladder up
to fortune and fame
I worked my fingers to the bone
Made myself a name

Funny, I seem to find that
no matter how the years unwind
Still I reminisce about the girl I miss
And the love I left behind

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far

All my life I will remember
How warm and tender
We were way back then
Though I'm feeling sad regrets
I know I won't ever forget
You, my childhood friend

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far

unsaid

I dreamt that I worked at a sort of fashion place. I felt like I was an account manager of sorts and we had clients that were designers or? something that dealt with fashion. I know that we had to keep track of the new seasons and not quite sure what else, but we had to please them in one way or another. I liked the product but not the pleasing part. I didn't like the idea that I had to read minds... I did like the current lines I was working with though. A new fella was starting, a tall blond guy, with an odd haircut and straight bangs... almost a bob. He wanted my clients and I had to hand them over. I wasn't happy at first, but I just decided to accept it. What is is ... I moved to another desk and started handing over some of my paperwork. It started to feel better, to feel good that something new would be coming to me. Then I went over to explain who he would be dealing with and he turned into someone else... someone I liked. WW. We laid on the ground and started going over things. At one point I had to reach in front of him and his face brushed my ear and he whispered I love you. It felt so nice, and I loved him too but I didn't say it. I held my breath. I was worried... if I said it what would happen next... would we have to act on it... was it right... was it a mistake

duck tiger

I dreamt that  I was on a boat... I think I lived on it. There was a window at one end and I opened it. I was living on a river and I noticed a tiger swimming under water and a duck was standing on its back as it swam. I thought how crazy and cool and where am I that there are tigers in the river?? Then one tiger noticed my open window. It came close and at first I thought neat... but then it seemed like it was going to crawl through and I thought not so neat. I tried to shooo it away and it wasn't scared. I finally tried closing the window and it must of worked. Definitely a feeling of curiosity followed by fear.

Then I noticed the boat moving... someone had detached it from the dock. I wasn't sure how to operate it yet. I was floating down the river to who knows where. Then I thought it must have a motor or some sort of way to control the movement. I found the motor in the back and started steering. Then it was open and free of the house part. It was better and I felt better. 

dionysus

I dreamt I was holding a baby. Was it mine? someone else's? not sure. But I though it was beautiful and I was proud. Then the baby was a young man.  He had curly hair. I told him, "We need to find a name for you."   He liked ships and pirates so we started looking in old sailing books and then just old books. He looked on a page and said "Dionysus, I like that name." So he became Dionysus.

We were on a boat planning on a destination. It was too a big city or village that I had known would offer him variety and potential. We were sailing along enjoying ourselves when the watery path came to a fork. The boats were in two now and he was heading down one way, an unknown path to me and my boat was still at the head of the fork. I looked at him and with concern as if to ask.. should I be going with you?"

He looked back at me with a face that said.... I'm excited ... it is ok.