memory

I dreamt that I was with a group of colleagues. I call them that because they were not really friends, but we all had something in common. We were part of a group of people with certain skills or talents. We were together that day to perform mental exercises and take tests. It didn't feel stressful, so I don't think the tests were to weed anyone out, but just to continue to stretch ourselves. We had been hanging out in a house of sorts, very open. There were snacks and things all over the room for us to "play" with. Our next test would be to remember how to put something together. It was a pile of metal objects, many looking almost identical, but with slight differences. We needed to know how to put them back in order. I had remembered a memory exercise from a book "Moonwalking with Einstein" so I used this for the first metal part. It had Dakane stamped on the metal. I imagined a rich young man by the name of Dak standing at the front door of the house I grew up in and he was holding a tube of ointment (something ending in -ane). I guess it worked. I felt like I was a little behind everyone else.. or that I hadn't worked as hard. There was a blond fellow there that looked like a young Leonardo Di Caprio .. he seemed very serious and was putting his all into it.  I felt as though maybe I was being lazy and not working hard enough, but I also knew that I never had to... I was just able to do it naturally. 

soda bags

First I dreamt about work and our web sites. We were to create videos for each site and I was managing them. I asked each one of the stakeholders to look at each piece of content on our site and to ask themselves... would this make you interested in our service? If not, it needed to go.

Then I dreamt I was in a village. It was like going back in time a bit, a simpler time, but also a bit futuristic. The streets were dirt and a bit dusty. There was an old town store. An old man was outside with a cart cutting up chickens. It was almost as if it was half real and half for show. I wasn't sure. I purchased a pop but instead of being in a bottle, it was in a baggy that was shaped like a bottle. You would tear the top off and drink it that way and then the bag was biodegradable. I was sipping my pop and sitting behind the man. I didn't want to see the chickens getting chopped. He made me feel uncomfortable so I left. Then I went into a building. A man was there that was giving massages. He was really nice and handsome. He was my friend's masseuse and he was offering me a free massage. I accepted and he sat me in a chair and then he would use these dials on the side to move this table like thing in front of me. It was like a school desk. The idea was to get it to right under your armpits so that your arms would not hang at all and then he would massage your arms and shoulders from the front while they were immobilized by the desk type thing. Before he completed he asked if I wanted chips. I said sure.. (as if he was asking if I needed some water first). He was gone a while and my friend came in. I wasn't sure if she liked the fact that I was going to her masseuse. I said "he sure is taking his time getting the chips." She gave me a hard time because she said.. well he has to go to the store first to get them. He came back and finished securing my arms. 

on the move

I was driving down the highway and a friend of mine was behind me. I saw this antique love seat/chair on the side of the road, then another, then another... I decided to pull over and my friend followed. It was a queen anne styled love seat that had white legs and wood work and a light blue velvet cushion. You could see the paint had chipped a few times and the white had been painted over it without them sanding the chips smooth. I thought they were nice and that we should pick them up. We looked further down the road and it seemed there was some sort of outdoor bazaar going on. We thought antique show?  I was excited to see more unique furniture, but when we arrived we saw many antique chairs on highway.... stopping to see
roadside antique show? Instead of antiques, there seemed to be many sarcophagus from different times. They were not all Egyptian. Some were Celtic, some were newer and in a classical style, some were Victorian, some were lacking in good artisanship. Many were made of red marble mixed with a gray stone. I told my friend that I preferred the classical style ones. We were wondering why they were out there. It seemed they had been found a long time ago, but they lacked the funds for a museum, so put them out for the people to see.

Then I dreamt I was going to give a friend of mine (KS) something. She was on a vacation with her boyfriend and when I finally reached them, they were staying in a huge tent. It looked like a play tent for kids. It had an air filled bottom that was bouncy and it looked either like a fake castle or a carousel on the outside. I could seem them inside and they were having a nice time.

Then I dreamt I was in an office working. I had an office that was very private, and I didn't really see anyone all day. Normally this would be something I liked, autonomy, but I didn't. A coworker moved out of her office which was surrounded by windows and in the middle of where people walked in and out. I moved in there. I was looking forward to seeing people during the day and interacting. Although I knew it wouldn't be for long because I was planning on leaving the company. 

bad foundation

I dreamt my house was being redone. I looked under the house and it was wet with mud, a stream passing nearby and just bare timbers holding it up. Although it felt a mess, it did feel cleared enough for a new foundation to be put in. Some guys rode by in dirt bikes. They looked like trouble, but I knew they wouldn't bother me. At one time I would have been scared though.

Then I went into the basement. It was a daylight basement with windows. The window panes were made of wood and not sealed well. It looked like they were lightly brushed with black paint, but you could still see the wood grain and it would soak up water easily. There were clear tarps hanging from the ceiling here and there. It was hard to see across the room, but it was light from the outside.

The upstairs was more done. Although it didn't feel right. It wasn't my style really. I guess I had left it that was because it was there..  A neighbor man came by saying good night. I felt uncomfortable about how the interaction felt and I ran upstairs and saw him trying to break in from the top window. I yelled at him and rand towards the window to shut it and he left.

Then I was just waiting for people to get home... I was making food, but really didn't have any food there that I could eat. I seemed to be allergic to it all.

sleeping arrangements

I dreamt that I was at some convention of sorts. There were two Frenchmen that were stylists. One was trying to sell me a curling iron. It was very large in diameter and had air that would blow through it. I was kind of excited that it existed and was about to buy it when the other man showed me their gadget which looked like two black bristled broom heads that faced each other and you would brush your hair straight somehow. It looked too awkward, and not what I needed...

Then I dreamt I was walking up to this bungalo near the ocean. It was up a hill that was peppered with sea grass. There were women in the house. I almost felt like I was sneaking. Like I was going to borrow the house for a bit if it had been empty.

Then I was sleeping on the floor with some friends. Each of us had a different sleeping arrangement. One on a pad which was on top of a folded blanket, I was on just a pad, another straight on the floor with no pillow and so on. I was happy that each of us had a different arrangement because we would all be able to share a different experience with each other and learn which was best. When we woke, I talked to my friend who was sleeping on the floor. He wanted to talk to me about some things I had said. I didn't know what he was talking about..... I guess in my sleep I had said some bad things to him. I felt horrible and out of control. Not at that moment, but that my ?? body would do things against my will.

square steak

I was in an area near the river. It was populated but felt dark. I dream of this area often although I don't know it.

Then I dreamt of the president of the company where I work. He was talking about his son and what he should do for a living. I was remembering about myself, while he was talking, that I thought it would be the perfect balance for half of my day to be physical and the other half being mental. Why had I forgotten that?
While the conversations were going, I was cooking myself a steak. The steak was a perfect square about 12" x 12" and about 2 inches or more thick. I noticed on the side that it had the cross section of an organ in it. It was moving as though it was breathing. I asked my coworker (SB) if she thought it was an organ as well. She said yes. I was thinking it wasn't so good for me to eat. I hung the steak up on a clothes line with clothes pins and the organ was still breathing. Then a hole opened and it was black inside and it was pushing air in and out through that hole. It didn't scare me but I was very curious and wanted to figure out what it meant. Then I was distracted by what else was cooking. She was cooking fish and we had too much. Some white fish, some salmon and we figured we should freeze some of it. The white fish which was sort of ready to eat, wasn't cooked all the way.

Then I was waiting for a friend (TB) and her kids. She was taking so long and I was hungry, so I started looking through a menu. I saw pasta and so took a fork and was basically eating it from the menu. I hadn't had pasta in a long time and was looking forward to it but it really didn't taste like much. I was disappointed.
She was finally ready to leave but I had just started eating, but I had to go...

Then I was in a bar with some friends (although I didnt' know any of them). The bar manager, a pretty woman in her 40s, that looked more like a stiff business woman, came over and clamped one of my friends arms. I say clamped because she had a large heavy duty plastic ... almost robotic sleeve/glove over her arm that made her strong as well as protected her arm. It allowed her to grip the girl strongly and protected her in case the woman defended herself. She was accusing my friend of stealing. I felt strange. I knew my friend hadn't stolen anything, I knew this woman was overreacting, I knew I could defend my friend and be successful, but I was neutral to it all. I wasn't stressed, I wasn't mad at the woman. It was as if I knew none of this was my business, my responsibility, and so on and it would work itself out. I didn't need to give my attention to it. It was kind of peaceful.

Then a large Samoan guy came over to me. I guess we were dating? He wanted to lovey dovey and I wasnt' interested. 

Then I was looking out on the patio... and someone created a mobile. It was two asian styled rectangle frame things, one inside the other and could spin independently, and a photo/drawing inside of a woman who had?? talents or powers. I thought it was pretty and I wanted one or to make one, but the woman there said she stole the photo so wasn't sure if it was ok for anyone to have. 

pregnant guest

I was in a mall with a friend shopping for something. I felt a little lost in the mall, annoyed by the situation, by my friend whom I felt like she was an interruption in my efficiency. I was still able to carry on, but felt a bit dragged down.
Then I was in an apartment building and moving. It was a strange place in that it felt somewhat like a hotel, somewhat like a dorm and somewhat like barracks. Residents items where in the hallway and this was normal. Everyone seemed to know and/or trust each other there and it was a very busy and social place with contant change. I seemed to be moving. My clothes were on a rack in the hallway. I think they were things I was going to get rid of and I was just needing to find someone or some place that would take them. While walking to my place, I saw an apartment open with a strange girl in there. She was very blond, pale and pregnant. I knew she was using the place without permission, but it didn't bother me. She wasn't hurting anything and the tenant wouldn't know she had been there. I was with a couple of girlfriends who were keeping me company during the move. I was telling them to check out the clothes to see if there was anything that fit them and giving back clothes to one of them who had recently lost weight.
I bumped into a green upholstered chair and remembered I needed to give it to a guy friend of mine (GH). who lived down the hall.

I was walking through my kitchen and there was a bathroom off of it. The door was half open and the pregnant blond girl was in there. She looked a bit nervous that I caught her. I told her not to worry. She could stay as long as she needed and if she needed some clothes, to help herself.

dress up

I was in a room at my friend's house. I was actually living there and she was in the other room getting ready. I sat on the floor and seemed like I was just waking up, but the room was rearranged. Had I done that? I wanted to explain to her what I had done, why I had done it and that I could change it back. I was just experimenting... but I didn't want it to make her feel uneasy or that I was trying to take over her space.  Then a friend came over. Someone in reality I don't know. She had short blond hair and I complimented her because I thought she looked so much better than.. before?  She was nice and happy. It was nice to be around her. My other friend was still in the next room, but playing dress up with Keira Knightley. She was in some 17th century getup and they were laughing and having fun. I said "see! costumes can be fun!" but my friend said.. still not for me.. just for other people. Then while sitting on the floor and the blond girl sitting in an orange upholstered chair, I through a pen to try and make it land inside an open cabinet door. Instead it stuck like a dart in the side of the chair. We both started laughing. I was slightly worried that some of the ink would stain the chair, but it somehow landed in a grommet that I hadn't noticed. Then my friend was about to leave for work and I was alone there but with her daughter (which she doesn't have). She was a mischievous little girl and I didn't like the idea of having to watch her. I also had to take a shower and was wondering if my things would be ok around her. I had journals and was quickly trying to remember if any of the content was inappropriate for her or something that I wanted to keep private.

rabbit suit

I dreamt of a rabbit suit... a person in it. It felt empty and nonsensical. Then the man inside took the head off and he was wearing a pin stripe business suit. Hair all coiffed perfectly, straight back... He felt a bit appropriate, but almost like all the energy in him was put into that suit or his shell. Then I saw a guy from work... he felt like he represented being in the "cool" group, the in crowd, the one who is "in" on things... Then they all felt like something like... a chip that you can crumble in one hand and turns to dust. So not real... they didn't carry any weight or life

apology

There are bits before in this dream that I don't remember. I'm driving along 101 on the coast line. It is a beautiful day, breezy and I'm looking out across the ocean. All of a sudden I see a guy riding a scooter? or a motorcycle , what ever it was, it seemed small and so was he. He had red hair, a red helmet and glasses. I could only see the back of the woman, who had long brown hair tied back in a low pony tail and she was riding in front of him on a bike. I hadn't hit them but they startled me and since I hadn't been aware of them, I thought I would roll down my window and say sorry in case I crossed in front of their path at all. The red headed man was from a workshop I attended recently who was having some challenges. When I apologized, he snapped back at me. I was a bit insulted, and frustrated that he reacted that way. I was being nice, let alone I hadn't really done anything to them. I tried again to explain, having to keep to his speed with my car, he softened.... and again... and finally a smile. I only felt better in that he felt better, but the effort for the response I'm not sure was worth it. Did I really need this stranger to smile or understand the situation if  I was ok with it?

Then I was driving through a tunnel and a new friend of mine (RvB) was with me. It was a beautiful tunnel. It was rock that was carved out by nature and so when driving through it, windows of sea could be seen from one side and a river and trees on the other. I parked on the side. I told him... "see? it really is pretty here!" I don't feel like I convinced  him. He then asked if we could get to the beach from this spot. In my mind I was thinking not, but I wasn't sure. Before I could answer, a man that had been traveling behind us, was bouncing out across the sand through one of the windows of the tunnel. There was a dip in my feelings... I'm not sure if it was due to not knowing the answer?  or that I was just here to get my friend this far... and then he would go on his own to his next discoveries 

next to the ropes

I dreamt was at a pub initially with some friends, but then I was alone. The pub was a bit sparse, but people were there for an event and it was about to get crouded. It looked like an Irish pub, wood floors, a bit worn, cozy and lots of character. I had paid for a ticket I guess to watch a boxing match. My brother showed up and I told him what was going on. We were early enough that they hadn't tied off the area where the boxing would be (old school, no the floor in the middle of the bar). He said, I'll leave and go buy a ticket and I was trying to convince him to stay. If he left, he would lose a great spot next to the ropes and I knew it was fine with the owner.

easy chair

I dreamt that I was at my brother's house. It looked like the place in my previous dream. A bit of disarray, stressful feeling trying to be covered up by colorful decorations and antics. I wanted to get out, I wanted to feel better. My brother suggested that we all (there were a number of people there) get into the Jacuzzi. I looked over to this brown leather easy chair. The Jacuzzi was inside of it. It was kind of a new trend that you could keep your Jacuzzi in your house without it take up too much space. I flipped the seat cushion forward, snapped the arms out to the sides and the back outward and folded it in half and voila, there was the water. It was half full and kind of dirty. I told my brother he needed to clean it before anyone could get in. He flushed the water out and turned something on to fill it. The water that came out was dark, almost black. I looked and walked away knowing that I wouldn't enter.

- - -

Then a small dream that I was in a nice relationship with a guy. He looked at me and said.. " you do know you will have to lose this  ... " pointing to my sides etc. meaning I needed to lose weight ".... if we are going to stay together.



??

Focus

I was with some people in a room. I'm not sure if we lived together, but we were going to be there a while together. The room was kind of dark, kind of hodgepodge. An oriental rug here, a leather chair there, some modest decor. It didn't look well or feel well. It felt  strained, scattered, not focused. Something like someone was thinking about either being positive or being critical about something... but in not choosing, only critical cold win.   We were together for some ... reason, some purpose, some goal. I felt like we were putting our minds together to create some major world change. The change to be made would be experienced by all, but not made in a physical way. We seemed to be changing ourselves... and "strongly"  for lack of a better word. Changed so  much that it would affect the world in a ripple effect sort of way. 

I dreamt that a guy I know kept begging me for something... I think it was something like going to dinner or paying for something or ??. Something trivial. I was frustrated. Why couldn't he take no for an answer? Also, I could tell that it was all that he wanted from me.So that was extra annoying. Having someone consciously use you.

bird house

I was coming up to a small house. It was on a grassy hill, but still in the neighborhood. I think it looked like it was on a hill because the house was so small in comparison to the yard and it was raised up from the street. The house was yellow. At first I thought it was just a pretend house... something someone made for people to look at, but as I walked closer, you could see it was meant to live in. It was built like a bird house, an A frame roof that went out to the houses farthest point and then the walls of the house angled in a bit to the foundation. The bottom part of the house was painted a high gloss yellow and the upper half a matte yellow. At that point it turned from a curiosity to that I had an appointment to look at the house to purchase. I walked in and it was very tiny. The Kitchen and dining room made for one half of the house the bathroom and all purpose room for the rest. I thought how could they sell such a small house and why would they build such a thing? I took a second look and backed down from that idea. I thought I could live here actually, easily and simply. I was thinking back to how many square feet my first house was and this was supposed to be close, but I couldn't see how.  I looked at the fridge and saw a sheet of paper stuck on the freezer. As I walked closer I saw a few photos of some men. It was a warning that these men are in the neighborhood and have done and are capable of doing some bad things. It was a bit scary. I was wondering if this location was a good idea, but somehow I thought .. yes, it would be fine. I looked out the kitchen window to my car wondering if I had locked it. I knew I had a radio in the back seat and a new pair of boots... maybe a coat and possibly the rest of my life (documents, clothes and so on). I could see I probably hadn't while reassuring myself that it would be fine. As I walked out the front door, my car was gone. I could hear the engine sound trailing off down the street. There is no way I could have caught it. It felt horrible. Granted... I could live without these things, insurance would replace the car, but... I think I almost felt worse that it felt like my fault. Had I only not left it unlocked, had I only not left pricey items in view.... Had I only not been lazy...

Two nice older couples came up to me to see if I was alright. They saw what happened and wanted to help. They were asking if they could follow the car for me, help me look for it or drive me somewhere. I knew they had an agenda that day... it was sunny and a weekend. I told them thank you, that is nice, but I'll be fine.
One of the men was driving a cube van. It was white and the license said he was from the north, although my gut said he was from the south.

I walked down around the neighborhood hoping to find some clues. In some way or other I ended up being pulled somewhere by this couple. I think the old man or someone helpful was with me (maybe Josh Foer? author of the book I'm reading).  They were the couple who stole my car. They were both fair haired and looked like nice people, but they were threatening. They were asking for money in trade for my car. I felt trapped and didn't want to put up with it. I took the girl by the neck and forced her to the ground having some supposed handhold on her neck that was life threatening (although I had no plans to cause any harm). I told him to let us go or she would get hurt. He was beyond reasoning. He was anger, cement, a negative charge, spit and fire all rolled up into one. I wasn't sure any of it would work. I didn't want to scare the girl, but I knew I had to leave.

---

I was going to wash some dishes. There was no sink, so I went to wash them in the bath tub. A friend (LN) told me not to. He said when the tub was made, they didn't make them for this like they do now. Which now they advertise them like "even a man can wash things now"  in a bathtub.. I was trying to learn a foreign language at the same time.

children

I don't remember much of this dream but just the presence of children. Not doing anything in particular, but just there, being children, but sort of adult as well. The feeling was they were more mature and wise than adults under the guise of being playful. And adults were more immature and ran their life from their ego , under the guise of being serious.

ID, new way

I was trying to get home. I was supposed to meet up with a friend of mine (BM). I was to use his ID to return a rental boat or something. I was nervous that I didn't have my own ID and felt strange using his. I should have my own, I didn't want to follow in his footsteps and I wanted to make my own way. Although him helping me was a very nice feeling. I was worried but decided to just go and show up and see what happened.

----
There was a big car and a nice little car. My friend really liked the old big car and I said I liked both. In reality I liked the little car, but I appreciated why someone would like the big car, but I would never want it for myself.
-------------------
I had another dream where I met some friends in some cafe in Berlin. It was a casual meeting (I had thought) and was kind of late. They gave me gifts and I felt bad but then realized it was my birthday. One gave me a little gift bag that I would look through later and another gave me a small paper plate with a vegan meal on it, carrots and gravy that did not look appetizing.  I had put the plate on my left shoulder and walked to a movie theater. It was kind of like an art school and they were showing a movie that night. I fit in but didn't, mostly didn't. There were some chairs set up like a normal movie theater and then a flat open space right in front of the screen with a piano to the side. I decided to sit down there, so I found a chair and started putting my things down. I noticed the plate fell off of my shoulder, so I went to pick it up and to see if any gravy got on my clothes or my hair. I was glad it fell because I didn't want the meal, just felt like I should show appreciation for the gift. I felt there was someone there to be nice to me too... in the same manner or feeling of the dream with the boat, but I wasn't looking for them or not seeing them.

------

I had another dream that I was helping to manage a stage theater. A band was there waiting to set up. They asked me which way the stage was. I was about to give them this long description knowing they would get lost with it, so I paused. It was a way I had always went but it was long, with many turns and seemed awkward. The main reason I took it was because it was a way I knew and the door was close. Just about 10 feet away was another door that some how took you straight to the stage by walking down a hallway, no turns and no way to get lost. I was thinking... why don't I take that way? Just because the door isn't in front of me? Because i'm not used to it?  I told them the new way.

shortcuts

I was in a foreign country. I think Germany maybe?  I was talking to some friends there that were from that country. They were commenting on "Americans" this and "Americans" that.... basically stereotyping all the thing that supposedly all Americans do or are like. I was listening to them partially agreeing with the tinges of truth with little bits of defensiveness,knowing it was more work than it was worth to explain the intricacies of such a large country.  I had to go meet some people and so I decided to take a short cut through a shopping mall. It was quite the shortcut as I realized that it took much longer by underground and walking than by going through a few stores. It felt nice to go through the mall. Something about it felt familiar and so less stressful to navigate.

Reminds me of the hiking dream.

beach detective

I dreamt I was at the coast. I had been staying in a cottage for some function a friend was holding and then needed to go to the next location. I could actually get home in one day, but for some reason thought it would be nice to stay another night in a town farther down the coast that was on the way home. I checked into another little cottage, more of a motel really. It was simple and old, but warm and dry. I left to go to some diner. I was in the lobbyesque area where there are two glass doors at opposite ends before you reach the main entry. There was a man that I was meeting that was there to help me. I hadn't sought him out, but somehow he knew that I was up to something and knew that I would be in danger and needed help.  I had and was looking for information. This information would reveal something about someone. I felt like I had to hide what I knew at the same time look and ask for it. The man I met was more wise in the area of hunting down information, snooping and staying out of sight than I was. I was glad to have him around. He made me feel safe but at the same time held my activities to high standards. If I couldn't keep pace, he wasn't going to be dragged down by me.

club, 2 paths, fishing

I dreamt I was in a car with a guy. I know I didn't like him, that he wasn't my type (he was flashy, into money and showing off), that I didn't want to spend time with him, but I was still with him. We were headed to a late night club to meet a couple of my friends, who were not really my friends, who I was seeing to have someone to spend time with. It was late and the building was curved so you could park in a half circle around it. I saw close parking spots, but he kept going around to the back. I just wanted to get in and get out and actually not be seen.

 - - -

I had been on a hike with some friends and I think my brother. We left from a farm which felt like my grandparent's farm. It had a feeling of comfort, ease, and security. We packed up and went for a long hike through which seemed like red rock, the kind you might see in monument valley but smoother, and the path  was all next to a river. There were trees along the way, I remember eating cherries at one tree. It was a nice hike and I felt like I knew where I was going. We spent the night at one location and everyone had gone ahead. I knew this and or had agreed to it. It didn't feel bad or wrong. I was packing up my things but having a hard time concentrating. I would start packing, then clean up one section, then wonder if I should go to the bathroom, or if I should eat something, basically not getting any one thing done. It didn't feel good to be scattered. I also didn't know where I was going although I knew of some paths I could take. At one point I had a bird's eye view of the paths. One path was along the river and I could see it would take much longer. It wound back and forth and had water and trees which I like. The other path was very straight and through the canyon. It would be quick and direct to the destination. I wasn't sure which way to go.Although I knew I would enjoy the water, part of me liked the idea of speeding through. I didn't know which way to go.
- - - - - -
I dreamt that some friends were fishing. I really wasn't interested in fishing but felt like I was being a poor sport for not. I decided to go along with them, but not fish. We all went into an above ground pool and the guys had their gear on (wading boot/overalls) and my one friend brought his daughter with him and was going to teach her how to fish. They went into the pool and were casting their lines out into the grass. I didn't understand why they were doing this. This wasn't fishing. They daughter tried to cast, but the line would get caught at the edge of the pool or in the grass. I went to go help her untangle the line but I felt that there was no point. It was going to continue on being a mess and there was no opportunity to actually fish.

triplets

Hmm had another dream regarding names. It is foggy, but there were three men in suits with Beatles haircuts. They looked identical and there was something important about their names regarding who they were, would be and how it represented them. 

last name

I dreamt of a guy that looked sort of like Johnny Depp, sort of like a friend of mine from NY. He had the feel of both of them... kind of adventurous, artsy, following their gut. He was telling me his name (which I don't remember now). I said it really didn't suit him. His original last name was McKenzie or McKinnan and that seemed to work well with him and his career. But then his mother remarried and he adopted his step dad's last name which was Tattoo. He didn't like it either. It didn't fit with who he was becoming. 

bad shoes and barbie head

My dream started off with me having a birthday dinner with my family. For some reason it landed on Easter and so they took me out for an Easter brunch. It was my mom, her boyfriend, grandmother, brother, his wife and a German guy I met once in an Irish pub. We were sitting at a wooden table outside on the deck. I looked over to another table full of older ladies. One of them looked like an friend of mine's mother that I hadn't seen in years. I wanted to make sure then I could tell she was trying to figure out the same thing about me. So I waved, which as soon as I did, I realized it wasn't her and she didn't understand why I was waving. Another woman at the table kept looking at me too, but in kind of a ?? hmm... She wanted my attention.

So, the brunch was ending and my family paid. I felt bad for them paying but then realized it was for my birthday. I looked at the gift I was given. It was a pair of .. not so pretty shoes. They were very flat, very wide, very shapeless. I thought, well... I'm sure they are comfortable.. I should give them a try (or turn them in for something else). I  and my German friend were looking for the bathroom. I pointed them out to him and headed in the same direction. Then it went to me being in the upstairs of the building. It was almost like a youth hostel... casual, worn furniture, a pool table. I was sitting on the floor. My friend was there but then he was gone, so I continued to wait. Then I had my head in my hands... like detached from my body (although I was seeing out of the normal placement of my head and eyes). It was interesting to see my head from an outsider's perspective turning it this way and that. As I turned it around I realized I was trying to avoid looking at the eyes. It felt scary. I put the head down for a second and the eyes opened, clear and blue looking blankly at me. I quickly picked it up and turned it around to put it back on.

wedding exposure

At the beginning of the dream, I was helping set up for a wedding. It was for my step mom. When I was young, I always felt she was the bell of the ball, and she was here too. She seemed younger and everyone was doing this for her. I was all in raggy clothing after having been working on the set up. Her extended family was showing up in nice cars and clothing and I was needing to leave. They asked why and I was telling them I needed to dress nice too. Part of me felt less than, part of me felt out of place or not like the rest of them. As I was walking away, I walked by a blondish guy. He resembled a guy I had a crush on in first grade.... Patrick. Kind of a quiet guy that seemed thoughtful. He also seemed like a mix of another fellow I had a crush on when I was 18 and a mix of different blond characters that were always somewhat quiet, inwardly strong and I respected. Walking by him made me feel good.

Then it seemed the wedding was over, and I was in bed in a house I was sharing with some other wedding goers. I was getting flashbacks of the night before. Everyone was pretty drunk and silly, but for whatever reason, it was ok for them (in my mind) but not me. I felt exposed, stupid and so on. I realized I wasn't alone in bed. The guy I like had just walked in the house and I was panicked that him seeing that I was in bed with this other fellow would ruin things (although we had both been just sleeping because it was a place to sleep). When my friend showed up, a few people did cause a bit of a hubbub and the guy in bed left and others left. They fellow I liked just continued to do what he was doing, and asked if I was hungry and if anyone wanted to head over to subway to get something. I was a bit relieved. I knew that what we had was stronger than one experience blowing away what we had. As we were walking to the subway, people were asking each other what they would get. I had something in mind with pickles and turkey. Someone said... people who get that are ??? somethings. I think I was defensive at first and then it was ok to be a ??? something I decided.. it was what I was.

Then I was in some hotel. I was walking up the stairs to my room. We were all scantily clad and I was feeling exposed. It was a similar situation in that... although we were all in the same situation, I felt more out of place or in the wrong than the others. I walked to the very top of the stairs hoping to avoid being seen. I would peek out a bit here and there to see the others. Then for whatever reason I thought... guess what.. you have to do abc.. you need to get these things done for yourself, exposed or not. Go... (live)... and so I walked down through them and I felt relieved. 

two ships

I was in a friend's parents' boat in the front of their house. It needed some fixing inside, but I was going to be living in it for a while. They were kind and nice seeming. I had woken and was kind of in my own world regarding time and what I would be doing that day. He (kaz) went from the house down the stairs to another boat parked along the street. He called or texted me to come over. I said I can't, I need to take a shower and and and.... which was always my story with him. He was frustrated, but expected it and so didn't stop asking.

new language

I had an intense dream, although I am missing the details. I know I was speaking another language and working with a foreign government. A blond stern looking man was barking orders of what needed to happen. It wasn't a bad thing though. It felt exciting and like I was part of something.