Time stopped

I just had a dream that time stopped. I had moved into a new city and had been there for a few months. I would walk a certain pathway to work every day. It was a busy area that wasn't a perfectly pretty one. There was small grocery and there was an olderish (50s) man, with black hair and a mustache who owned it. I had asked for a job when I had first moved to the city. I would usually say hello or give him a head nod every time I had walked by. His market was at the bottom of a building and was opened up to the outside. Right outside his store was a covered area, almost like under a city train, where there were vendors of cheap and novelty items. If you kept walking past that,  you started getting towards the touristy part of the city. It was almost like a vegas in that it was very flashy and lots of light, big streets and wide sidewalks. I had woken up that morning knowing that time had stopped. I woke up and got dressed like any day. I looked outside and everything seemed a bit still. Power/electricity must have been on an automatic system as well as cell phone, because it was all still working. I went outside and walked near the grocer. I went in to look for him. He looked a bit confident with underlying distress. I asked if I could work for him. I wouldn't need any money, I just needed some structure in some possible soon to be chaos. He apologized and said he was leaving the store. He had a place in the country. I asked if he was going to live off the land and he admitted it in an almost secret, sorry he was telling me way. I was sad he was leaving as he seemed to be my only solid thing in that city. I was looking at his store and it still looked in tact. I wanted to get some groceries, but I thought I would wait until he left town, it felt too weird. There wasn't much looting going on. I think people didn't know what to do with themselves. Some people took some large cost items, but for the most part people were walking through the city almost as if it was a nice sunny Sunday before the days of busyness and stress. But there was still a feeling of stress. I felt like something was just on the verge of happening that wasn't good, but wasn't sure what. I decided to walk back to my apartment and figure out what to do next. I had left my window open and some very large black crows had come in. It was as if they knew it was over for us humans. One was on my bed the others were all on the sill like they owned it. I went and yanked on my blanket to scare the one but he just hopped back on the bed. Then I finally scared most of them out and close the window on one. His feather stuck and he was cawing at me, so I lightly opened again to get him out. I figured I should call my brother. He had been off to the mountains camping with his wife and my dad and stepmom had gone to the coast. I wasn't sure if they knew about this. It was something that just happened, not something that was predicted. I called my brother and it rang threw. He was just coming back into town and new a bit of what was going on. We walked down the same street that the grocer was on and looked around again. Still same sleepy state people were in, with a few people randomly stealing high end items, but with no rush. No breaking of windows or burning buildings... just browsing, taking almost because they felt they should do something with this moment. My brother seemed a bit dead too. Didn't seem to care what was going on and wasn't reacting. I thought again about the grocery store and if I should buy something before it rots, and then what about when it does rot? and then?

airport flowers

I was heading somewhere. I think I had to go on two different planes. It was in the future and the airports were different. As soon as you headed off the plane your bags were sent through a screen before you could leave, but that was it. No other baggage claim area. There were three lines but most people didn't see the last one so I left the one line and popped over to the third. As I came up to the end, I realized I left my purse at the last one. So I ran back up the escalator and the woman was running my way too with my purse. Then I came back down in my lane. This guy behind me (an actor that was the old robocop, and just recently in Dexter), was making snide remarks about me being in front of him and making him wait etc... Not directly though. Then I was picked up. A group of us were going with a friend. It was this tiny blond. She was cute, active, lots of energy and I think a little famous. She brought me flowers at the airport. She said they were rare cuts etc. They looked like the purple flowers from a butterfly bush and orange lilies and a few others. In the car ride, they started turning brown. I had been handling them with care, it was just the heat or something. It felt like we were in Las Vegas, but for some reason it wasn't as dry. It felt more tropical. She drove to a place where she was going to look at an apartment and we waited outside. My mom was there too, but not sure she was my mom. She got out and started driving around in some electric cart. I was trying to stop her because we had to go.. then it was just weird.... messy...stress

Lost in another town

I was in some other town or country. I had been there before on a vacation with a friend, but this time I felt out of place and lost. I was trying to go back through the towns we had, in hopes of finding something familiar. I was riding a bike of sorts and wasn't quite in control of it. I had ridden under an old building that had been abandoned and was turning around. Another car was doing the same thing. It was a family on vacation and they looked as if they were from the 50s. They were asking me directions and I was trying to be helpful, although I ended up getting more information from them than they from me. I ended up finding a little town and walked along the front of the buildings. It was a tourist town and there were lots of little coffee shops, stores with treats and little odd n'ends to buy.

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Another dream I was working. Love those dreams. I was in a large building and dressed all businessy. I don't remember the specifics. I remember doing my job, running to different departments, being happy about my job although at times out of place.

victorian marriage, fights, werewolves...

Ok, first I was arguing with my mother. Not sure what about now, but I was fighting off me physically pushing her around.

Another night I had werewolves after me, but they looked like humansish... like in The Talented Mr. Fox.

Then it was the Victorian era and I was supposed to marry James McAvoy (although he was just some guy that was a son of someone my parents knew). We were in a bedroom together talking and kn;ew that something was off. Somehow it came out but it didn't that he wasn't into women, so we wanted to see how to end it. He felt trapped and like there was nothing he could do. He didn't want to displease his family. Then we heard someone walking down the hall. We were not supposed to be in a bedroom alone together, especially with the doors closed. I told him to quickly jump under the covers and play like he was sick and I would read a book to him. She came in and the situation was accepted. I then told her I couldn't marry him and would be leaving for my parents' home soon. The mother was actually happy, because she didn't care too much for me in the first place.

Then I had another physical fighting dream. Me trying to get away from something.

Then I had a dream that I was going to a carnival or circus with a friend of mine and his niece. He saw some girl that was flirting with him, so went on his way. The Niece and I decided to walk around the carnival. We got some food, looked at things etc. Then we were walking to leave because we couldn't find him and he saw us and was panicked because he thought we were leaving him.

Then I was still at a carnival but a different dream. I was supposed to ride a ferris wheel, but do acrobatics on it. It was part of some workshop or test that I had to go through. It moved fast, and as I came to the top, I had to twirl around a bar, but then I flew off of it and down into.. well almost one of those ponds you see in a golf course, but it was dark and kind of swampy. I was being coached by someone on the ferris wheel and then he came down to find me. He was helping me and not upset about my results. The important part was that I tried and kept moving forward. My job was not to judge or assess my choices or actions, past/present or future. He then took me to a room. I think we were going to be close. I don't mean sexual, I think just "be" together. It was a nice feeling.

Then I was at some northern coastal town. The cold, gray sandy kind where it is rainy and stormy. I was walking down the boardwalk, through old coffee shops, dark wooden restaurants etc., then through this retreat center. I had accidentally walked into some yoga? meditation class. They looked at me like I was supposed to be part of it. I said no, I am just walking through. They said..., but you should join, this is good. I said... sorry, can't afford it and kept walking through. Then I was in the locker room with lots of ladies. It was part spa and part bathroom. There were stalls, some big with whirlpools, foot massagers etc. and some that were just a toilet. I kind of wanted to use the large one just to see what was in there, but there was too much hustle and bustle and I had to leave. Then I was outside and needing to make a cake with a friend for a work thing. The cake didn't turn out quite right so we thought of mixing it with something to make it dense, shaping it and then frosting it.... We were working on it in a grocery store parking lot. She was kind of taking over the cake shaping and all of it really. I was just trying to give ideas at that point.

walking in the snow...

I had a dream I got a job. I was walking down a highway in the snow. The cars were all stopped either due to snow or traffic and I knew they were looking at me like I was crazy. It was a long road and no exits, so they knew I had been walking a long time. I think they felt that this walk was difficult and miserable and how horrible that this poor girl is walking so far in the cold. What they didn't realize is that I love snow, and I enjoyed the walk and the sound and the feel of the air and I felt luck to be outside walking in the snow.

dreams of plays and tension

I had a dream with my family. I don't remember the story of the dream but the feelings were that of rejection, not being ok as is, not being good enough and so on.

Then being part of a performance but not in it. I was around the edges being asked to do things last minute that I didn't know how to do. It made me uncomfortable, but even more uncomfortable when I was praised for things that I didn't intend to do.

got a job

I was hired at some big company. The big boss which at one point was a woman I worked with in a previous job and sometimes this sporty guy. She/he was showing me around the place and then was showing me some sports clothes and asked what I thought. I said nice and tres 90s. And she said good eye, and that was the new thing that was coming out this season. She picked out a handful of pieces and handed them to me and yelled to a person at a desk to put them on the account. They were welcome tokens for me to the company. Then we continued to walk around and they were showing me some of my duties and that even though some of them seemed scary or dangerous, I would get used to them. One was getting on my line and sliding across and down some equipment to check it and see if it is ok. The guy was showing me how to do this. I was partly excited to be working, to be working for such an exciting company and to be treated so well by the people, like was now the company. We took care of each other.

rewards

I had a dream I was at a crowded restaurant. I couldn't really turn around well, but could see people. I saw a friend from college and another fellow student and waved. They were both in their 60s.

Then my mind was spinning with ideas and I was stressing then the idea "Reward is my motivation" came into my head. And reward in my dream meant hmm... enlightenment/love. And it made all bad feelings go away and it was like it revved my internal "engine." Then all of these ideas popped in my head, designs of clothes, travel, pictures, all felt good, all happy all felt enlightened. Then I could grasp the idea of not having a body but just having that enlightenment feeling. In reality the idea of giving up humanness kind of disturbs me, but in this dream it felt ok and I was ready for it.

race track

I dreamed I was at some film location. They were in the midst of filming a scene. I didn't quite feel like I belonged there or that maybe I was supposed to be doing a job I didn't like so was skirting my duties. There was an open empty building, sheets or fabric hanging from the ceiling. Not sure if this was to make small rooms to work in or if it was part of the scene. I walked by the snack bar, the makeup station,etc. etc. I started talking to one of the stars. He was kind of a big guy, chubby and tall, with a nice face. He was chatting to me for a bit. I had a feeling of neat and then... he doesn't know who I am not... as in not really with the film. I thought if he knew, he wouldn't be chatting to me. Then I remember a bus or...??? Then I was at a track (as in track and field). I was dressed up in a cheerleader uniform, but not a cute one. It was wide and made out of unattractive fabric. I saw a reflection of us. There were three of us walking around the track doing our cheer. I looked horrible. They were cute and thin and I just looked big. I wanted to hide but then I thought... everyone has been seeing you like this. Just because it was a shock to you doesn't mean it is to everyone else. So I kept to my duty and cheered.

weight loss program, blue robots, and a tree house

I was in a room with a bunch of girls from highschool. The naturally thin, perfectly cute ones etc......
At first I thought I was just hanging out with them then I realized that I was being paid for a study to see if a product would work on me so I wouldn't be so fat and could look more like them (I'm not fat, but I think I always thought they were perfect at the time and because I wasn't thin... etc. etc.). They were the "control" in the study who would eat the same way I ate. I had to live with them etc. :P  They were all in bikinis looking perfect and I hadn't seen a real perfect body up that close before etc. I was just thinking...wow.. how nice to not have extra slabs of skin etc. A friend of mine was there, he was kind of like their Charlie (Charlie's Angels), and he was kind of shaking his head at me. He was saying ... yeah... she might be able to lose the weight, but she still won't be like you guys.... she'll still look big and he was taking his hands and blocking out my shoulders from his vision to see what I might look like if i wasn't so big. J Lo was the manager of the project.


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had another dream ... there were these small blue computer type chips. I was kidnapped by this motorcycle type guy (but sporty, blue and white bike and he was clean and not kidnapper type). He was working with this women. They were agents of sorts and they wanted something from me. I was surprised though because they put me in a room where I could easily get out. They also walked in and out of the room and talked to me as if a peer. There was a bowl on the table that had tiny blue stones, some with wires. I realized they were little robot things that could get under your skin. Eek.... Then I saw a woman.. she was Mrs. Coulter from Golden Compass. She was riding away on a motorcycle with a swami. I was thinking to yell for her but didn't understand why she was with the swami (in my dream the bad guy). She was a good guy initially in my dream. Then the kidnappers where saying... Yeah... I knew it... there she goes. So in actuality, they were saving me from her.... not kidnapping me. 


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another dream.. some sort of giant tree house, family there, some formal function, but it was sort of ornate and ?? fantasy version. Preparing in a room or something....?? isn't clear. 

two songs

Woke up with just one line from some old country or 50s/60s song

"are are we two...."  Can't think of the singer

Then

Try a Little Tenderness (The Commitments version)

stealing money and beer

I dreamed I was in someone's home. Someone from my childhood. My brother was in there too and I think he was doing something bad. I was scared of him and didn't want to be a part of it. I also felt like if i tried to go, he would be mad. While he was busy doing what he was doing, I went in another room and found some money. There was a hologram video of sting much older. He wasn't peaceful Sting though, he was still with The Police, and they were an angry band. Wore leather, punked up hair and so on. I went ahead and picked up the coins I found in drawers trying to get only silver and large ones since I didn't have enough pockets for all of it. My brother saw me in the hall and I acted nonchalant. I asked if he wanted to take a break and get a beer. The fridge was at the edge of the kitchen, but the back opened up to a large industrial fridge/cooler. We couldn't find the right beers, so went in the back for one. There were also coke colas, but the label was green and yellow. It was supposed to be some "greener" version of coke. We went outside....

---

I was somewhere else, looking for a room or apartment or... I felt like a student starting new again.

Cameras and tattoos

Had a dream last night that I got a job. I arrived and it was a little high end camera shop. The owner was nice and showed me what I would be doing.... I would be selling this one particular camera. He gave me the manual and said study this and become an expert on it. I asked if it was a popular camera. He said no, this is the only one I have that I need to sell. I said... but you are hiring me as a full time person just to sell this camera?? He said yes. I said don't you think that is a waste of money? He mentioned that is what the last guy thought and quit. I went for a walk to think about it and ran into a friend. We stopped in an art gallery, had a glass of wine then walked into a tattoo booth. When they were done I had a 2 to 4 stranded "necklace" tattoo around my neck. The hooks in the back were large and red and didn't meet. When I looked down I had an ornate, very yellow and very large tattoo of an elephant god - Ganesh - covering my whole front torso. I was a bit panicked because I realized I didn't want a tattoo... what about my v-neck sweaters? Everyone agreed that the necklace tattoo should go, but Ganesh should stay.  


I left to find my way back home... I was barefoot but thought I had enough tickets to take the bus. Then a man came across the loud speaker saying the bus was now coming to the tracks and it would now go downtown (kind of cool actually, he was the bus driver, but when it came tot he tracks, he could jump off and it worked on auto pilot).


I arrived "home" and there were all of these people staying there. Not sure if it was an event, conference, etc.etc... it wasn't my house so I didn't care. I went upstairs to sleep where I had been sleeping, on a couch, but someone was under some covers there.. I went to find an empty spot on the floor, and a guy (someone I knew in the dream) popped out. Something in me was happy to see him because he was familiar, but also not happy... I didn't like him.


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I had another dream where I was in this house that I grew up in (although altered). There were lots of babies/toddlers there. I think first they were kittens and then they were kids. They were milling about and not allowed to go outside. I think the "house" was also selling candy... money was tucked here and there from the sales. A woman came over and I could feel she was wrong. I started grabbing the money to hide somewhere. I knew she either wanted to take the money, the kids or something...

conductor, church, wiener dogs

This all mixes together time-wise...

Partly a conductor died. He was a black man and had conducted orchestras in the 40s and 50s until a few years back. (not a real person)  He had passed away and it was a great loss to the city. Many people loved this man, not only for his talents but I guess he was a wonderful person. Many people had donated money for his memorial. A life sized statue was created to go in some great hall (in a greater city) to memorialize him. The statue was painted and kind of shiny... something like how you see some Mary/Jesus statues where it is colorful, a bit realistic (like a mannequin) and shiny. They had his statue created to look like him in the 40s or 50s. He was looking up with a large grin. The memorial was in the evening and I was attending school. Highschool? College? extended studies?  I walked over to one of my classrooms which was empty. I think it was a science class. I saw some of my notebooks on the floor and my stomach sank. One of them had writings of my dreams (like this blog) and my dreams of what I wanted in life... and other things. I could see the top cover had been curled back, so I know someone read them. I could just imagine what they might think. I opened it up to see if they left any commentary.Someone, I am assuming a guy, had drawn doodles where I had... I think he was meaning to relate to me... or almost communicated.... like "yeah, me too..."

I picked up my things and moved over to a wall and sat down on the floor. I saw there was a magazine... it was from the NYT and it was cover to cover photos and writings on the conductor that just died. I was sitting next to the ? old bench (really a radiator) for the room where old magazine were put and tossed it up there for their collection. I thought that might be a nice surprise for someone. Then I looked out and it was raining. I was in a covered spot, but there were stacks of chairs and tables right in front of me that were getting rained on. Two little things moved under the chairs. I could see they were trying not to get wet. I called them out and two little wiener dogs came peeking out. Old ones.... a little chubby and gray around the eyes. They came hobbling out and I pet and scratched them. They had old collars around them made of metal and vintage glass beads. I loved the sound because it tinkled like rain on glass. I knew the owner of the dog was a rich older black lady. I knew she would be by for the dogs sooner or later.

Then I was with an exboyfriend. We were going to the beach and we were enjoying each other's company.... or I thought we were. I realized we were just both finally relaxing around each other. Walking along the water, getting in the water, paying attention to each other and so on. He went to go get or do something and then a feeling hit my stomach like a pebble in water and rippled out to the rest of me. I realized I was about to do it again. I was about to stay with something because it was nice-ish and there, and what seemed to take little effort. In actuality it took much effort, but just on the inside. Instead of going for what I wanted and having the "effort" be on the outside.... yet really wouldn't be effort because it would excite me to do.
. . .
A friend of mine (ex boss, friend, schoolmate) was living in the West Hills... He was talking about that he went to this little church downtown. I thought that odd, interesting and nice at the same time. The West Hills meant he had succeeded (financially at least).. and the church and family felt like he had found a happy place. I was happy for him.

lots of dreams ... same theme

ok.. will not write them all, but just lots of dreams about leaving security ... with symbols of mother, mother type friend, home town, house I grew up in ... and so on.... taking off into uncertainty.

guy with short legs, another dimension

I had a dream I just met a guy for the first time that I had only ever contact via the internet. He was tall, really nice etc. We were getting deep into conversation when he jumped out of his pants and went trotting down the hall. My mouth about fell to the floor because I didn't realize he had fake legs. His legs were only about the length of what his thigh should have been. I didn't know what to do. I thought... ok.. he still is who he is... just because he has short legs and flippers and runs on all fours doesn't mean I shouldn't still like him.

- - - - -
I was living with other people in a nice home. We were all adults, but had just chosen to live together. One of them came to me asking if I had seen what is to come. I hadn't. He showed me a video of people coming in through a pantry wall. They were coming from another dimension and had finally learned how to escape the old world. I said thanks and filed it in my head. I was busy working on looking for a name for a little girl. I am assuming for a daughter I was to have soon, although I wasn't pregnant. I was looking up the names and the meanings and so on. Then I went back to my room down the hall and saw that one man from the old world had made it in. He was frantic and I told him to be calm, I would explain what just happened and show him around and that we would help him. One of the household saw the new guy and I could tell it didn't make him happy. I said... we were all new once too and we were helped. He will be fine. And he calmed down.

surfing on news paper

I had a dream two nights ago about being in a cafe when it was closing. I seemed to have known the cafe owners and some other people... mostly gay men and a couple of women from my past. One was someone I worked with and never really clicked with. Another was a best friend that we parted (11 years ago) and just recently began being on speaking terms again. We were all spending the night in a big pile on on of the upholstered red bench seats. The ex coworker had ordered a bed time snack. it was a triangular piece of toast (crusts cut off) with some sort of meat and a slice of a soft boiled egg. Nice presentation and looked good. Then I was in a library, it was closing and I found an article I really wanted to read. I thought... I could spend the night no problem and just finish this article. I knew if I left... I wouldn't come back to read it.

...

I was going to work on a bus, but it was a school bus. I had friends with me that were going to work or school as well. People were talking about their progress and so on. I was keeping an eye out of when I should jump out. I finally did and I was excited because I could ?? cement surf on a section of a news paper. I laid it out and realized the one I had was ripped, so I got the comics section and got on and surfed down. I saw a man watering his lawn and was surfing between bicyclists. It was pretty fun. ;)

lots of dreams..... haven't been writing

Ok.. I've had a ton of dreams... and I just haven't been writing them. Lots of anxiety stuff....

I'll get back to it.

I know last nights was something about being in a war.. We were one group of people against another. Pretty confident in our abilities and just needing to get the job done. Was odd...

Also had a couple of songs in my head yesterday first thing. hmmmm:

Chiquitita - ABBA

Chiquitita, tell me what’s wrong
You’re enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that you’re oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, tell me the truth
I’m a shoulder you can cry on
Your best friend, I’m the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see you’ve broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they’re leaving
You’ll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita

So the walls came tumbling down
And your love’s a blown out candle
All is gone and it seems too hard to handle
Chiquitita, tell me the truth
There is no way you can deny it
I see that you’re oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they’re leaving
You’ll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita 

Then this was the song while at the sink:

"What You Need" - INXS

Hey, here is the story
Forget about the trouble in life
Don't you know, it's not easy
When you gotta walk upon that line

That's why - You need
That's why - This is what you need
I'll give you what you need

Don't you get sad and lonely
You need a change from
What you do all day
Ain't no sense in all your crying
Just pick it up and throw it into shape

Hey you, won't you listen
This is not the end of it all
Don't you see there is a rhythm
I'll take you where you
Really need to be 

salad and house fix up

I dreamt I was making a salad. It was a basic romaine and then the dressing was a sharp almost horseradish-y mustard mixed with olive oil, parsley, honey, and salt/pepper?? not sure what else. But for some reason it was really good. My exboyfriend's mom and step dad were eating the salad and kept wanting more. She was sick and couldn't believe she was getting her appetite back and wanted the recipe. The book was propped open in the fridge, so the stepdad's best friend Phil held it open while I read her the ingredients. Then she gave me a hug and said good bye... like a good bye for good.

...

Then I was at a friend's house. They were redoing everything. Like they had a wall that they decided to make a double door entry with an amazing clear stained-glass (sounds not right) window that was in the door as well as the wall. I was so happy they made it the entry because it looked so open and fit the size of the house better.

flight and this guy or that

I was on a flight with a group of women. It was pretty nice. I saw on my ticket that I had first class on the way, which included a full mattress to stretch out on and a shower on the flight. We were part of some group or team, not sure for what. It was morning and I was trying to get myself together and find the shower. There was some hustle bustle going on ...

in this dream or another... I was living two lives at once... as in watching my life in one direction... and watching it if it had gone another. One was on the casual side of things... the other was the high life... but in both lives I met the same guy... it felt like it doesn't matter how you chose to live, certain things will still happen in your life..... it was relieving a bit, like there are no mistakes... but also then I felt... so why not choose the high life.