woke up to this song in my head: Love is the Answer

"Love Is The Answer" - Todd Rundgren

Name your price
A ticket to paradise
I can't stay here any more
And I've looked high and low
I've been from shore to shore to shore
If there's a short cut I'd have found it
But there's no easy way around it

Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer

Who knows why
Someday we all must die
Were all homeless boys and girls
And we are never heard
It's such a lonely world
People turn their heads and walk on by
Tell me, is it worth just another try?

Tell me, are we alive, or just a dying planet?
What are the chances?
Ask the man in your heart for the answers

And when you feel afraid, love one another
When you've lost your way, love one another
When you're all alone, love one another
When you're far from home, love one another
When you're down and out, love one another
All your hopes run out, love one another
When you need a friend, love one another
When you're near the end, love one another
We got to love one another

Light of the world, you got to shine
Love will be a means, yeah, yeah
Shine on us all
Know that love can save the day
Just give it one more chance
Lord you just cant let it stop lord
Love is the answer
Got to be free to let love into your life
Let it shine

the edge

I dreamt that I was in a different place. I had to fly there. It seemed I flew there twice in my dreams, the second time bringing more luggage with vintage items. I was staying at a woman's house. I am not sure that I ever saw her or knew who she was. I did meet her daughter though, who was maybe in her late teens or almost twenty. She was a pretty girl on the verge of sexy but she didn't have that edge yet, still a girl. I liked meeting the "girl." She was wide-eyed, sweet and hopeful. I was meeting her just before she would change. She left to go to some event with friends, hair up in a pony tail, big smile and almost bouncy with happiness. I had the cases that were my grandmother's, filled with a treasure of old clothes from the 30's and 40's. I was looking forward to showing the girl.

She returned and I could tell it was happening. She was a bit thinner, and she almost had sharp edges to her now. Her skin was tan, and she had more of an edge. Some quickness that comes from experience defending and protecting. I felt less light about her, but showed her things anyway. She still had the girl inside, curious to see and the warmth that comes from sharing and kindness. As we went through the dresses, jewelry and old calling cards, she seemed to destroy everything she touched. The papers separated, the dress tore as she tried it on... I said we had to stop or it all would be ruined, making sure not to blame her... it was the frailty of the old items.

I started packing the things, and was going to be on my way. I wasn't sure how I would make it back with all of these cases. Maybe two trips...

the now

I dreamt that I was with an older blond lady. She seemed formal, came from money, with high standards, a bit snobbish and yet seemed open and caring. I went to go through the small town and she came along with me. I said that we, our family, had horse a while back and a part of me felt that I was trying to gain her acceptance a bit with these words. It was only for a second, but I still regretted not being one hundred percent authentic. She asked what my interests were and I could tell she was collecting information about me. Not to sum me up, but she actually cared about me and wanted to help me. I felt a warm feeling overcome me and it felt so nice to have someone in my life "watching over" me.

I walked down a street to check out the town to see if I was interested in it. I realized I had already seen this town. It was quaint. Did I like it? Was it enough? Then I decided to stop trying to figure it all out, to just enjoy what I enjoyed while I enjoyed it, moment by moment.

reveal

I dreamt that a friend of mine was going to a speaking engagement regarding Carl Jung's philosophies. I had forgotten that I used to attend those and said I wanted to go to. It was in an old dark church. It cost $12 and I think I had forgotten my money, but got in anyway. A friend of mine from Italy happened to be there with friends. After the speaker was done, we sat around on the floor in the lobby. I was wearing a sweater over some old fashioned black corset. I took of the sweater because I guess I liked what was underneath so much. My Italian friend made a slight sneer. I could tell he didn't like overly obvious. I question myself for a moment, but realized.. I wasn't trying to be overly sexy.. just liked the top and felt better. Although it did make me think. 

squirrel

I dreamt that I was in a room of the house I grew up in. It had two stories though. I was on the second and a large squirrel came in the window. I put out my hand and it crawled up my arm and held on to me. It wasn't afraid, but I could feel that it knew that didn't belong there. I looked out the window and my mom was outside. I called out to her to see what to do about the squirrel.She said to go ahead and put it in its cage. She looked younger, she felt independant of me as if she had never been a mother. It was cold feeling, but also interesting. I could look at her as a free being, not someone with a built in role. I walked down the stairs to let the squirrel outside and felt good that the squirrel would feel in its proper place.

freckle face

I dreamt that I was with some people from high school. They were not people I hung out with or even shared classes with. I knew of them and they knew of me. In the dream we were all chummy. We went to a vet's/animal shelter. The group was familiar with the place and I felt as though I was seeing it for the first time, although in my dream I should have known the place. I walked around trying to make it look like I knew what I was doing. There was a reddish haired freckled guy there. We really connected. It felt amazing. We all jumped back in the truck and they dropped me off at BP's house (another kid but from junior high). In the dream he was married and was making moves on me. I felt like part of my personality was going along with it, as if that is what I would normally do, but the recent me wanted to leave immediately and go be with the freckled guy.

Then I was at a carnival. My parents were there as well. There were free items laying around that would be gone soon if I didn't choose something. Some were piles of new baby clothes. I was thinking I could get something for my nephew, but then it was too late. Then there were old license plates on the ground. They had a metal plate that was part of the design that swung to the side to reveal a hole where you would put gas in the car. I had never seen anything like this, but in the dream it had recalled a memory that they used to exist and it brought back good feelings.

Then there was a box that was given to my dad. It was maybe 2 feet tall by a foot wide. It had tons of little compartments to put ties, jewelry and so on. It was very inventive and I was fascinated with it.

kayak sled

I dreamt that I was in a new restaurant with friend who cared about me. She seemed like a grandma or godmother. Then I left to go somewhere downtown. I was in an inflatable kayak and I maneuvered down the streets by leaning from side to side as if I was sledding. It was fun.

cat fur

I dreamt of a cat. It seemed to be wise, smart, had presence... something to be aware of. Not sure if it was to be feared or just noticed. I jumped through the door to the outside and its fur came off in one piece. It seemed like a normal thing for the cat. I wondered how hard it would be to put it back on.

body language

I dreamt that I had been creek walking with a friend (SA). It was as if there was an upper and lower creek and our paths would cross from time to time. Sometimes he was ahead of me, sometimes I was ahead of him. We ended up in a small town, dirt streets. We both wanted something to eat. He ordered and I got a seat. There were a few patrons already in the place that were midway through their meals.  My friend scooted in next to me in the half circle booth. His hand moved near mind and I flinched away knee-jerkedly, but he held it. He leaned in and kissed me. It felt so nice. Why hadn't I been interested in kissing him before? I realized then I had been unknowingly putting off signals that I wasn't interested, and his vibes responded to mine.. hence no past interest. It was nice to be aware that I had been messing it up all along.

massacre

I dreamt that I was in a mall type building, but it was filled with offices. I was in my office and left for a bit. I came back to see that everyone had been killed and there was blood everywhere. I knew that I needed to go in and get my laptop. I ran in and out and men where running down the open area randomly shooting. I think they were police, but they were not stopping to see who it might be and shot first. I dove to the floor and was luckily missed by the bullet. I felt good. I had escaped, I had my information, I was going to get beyond this.

I sat at a counter and looked up info on my laptop to make sure that I had the right info. I did and I snapped it shut. I knew I had to get out of there before more shooting occurred. I also didn't want to be involved in the mess post shooting, questions and so on. I ran down a dark hall. It was the back entrance to some companies. One was a bar and there were wires and black boxes stacked outside. I looked down and there were guitar picks that were unique. Some had rhinestones or other gizmos attached. I bent down to pick a couple up for my dad. I thought for a second if this was stealing, but decided it wasn't. It was on the ground with other garbage and obviously no one was caring if it was being stepped on.

camaraderie

I dreamt that I arrived on a bus. I was with a group of people working on a project. Were we building an orphanage in south america? creating a creative landscape? I'm not quite sure, but it felt like both.
We were all in grubby clothes ready to work. It was a fun atmosphere, although plenty of physical labor was ahead of us. I put down my things and looked around to see which project I could go offer my services to. I went over to where a friend was. He was a shorter fella with dark shiny hair, on the longer side with a bit of wave. His team was building an arch. I looked up and it was made of several pieces of wood put together in layers. It looked o k .. a bit on the fragile side. I noticed there was no base on either side of the arch, more of just a post, which made it look odd and incongruent. I offered a simple solution with what materials we had left. We could put two large wooden planter boxes around each post and build it up and/or grow a vine up it so that it wouldn't look like a skinned leg bone. They looked at me with pained faces. Not because they didn't like the idea, but because they were exhausted and thought they were done for the day. I told them to not worry about it. I could handle it myself.

It was time to get back on the bus. We grabbed our things. It was a productive day with good people. It felt great.

freedom

I dreamt I was in bed with the actor Ben Daniels from "The Paradise." We were not romantic, just both in the same bed. He was all twisted up in white sheets and asleep. It was just morning. I was thinking about him, his personality. For some reason I had a gut feeling about him. I said aloud, "you seem a bit feminine." He turned over and sighed with great relief. He was gay. It was as if the weight of the world came off of his shoulders.  He could be himself.

face the werewolf

I dreamt that I was at a cocktail bar in a u-shaped booth. The lights were dim, the place was pleasant. I saw a coworker and she was doing her thing and I couldn't stop myself. I told her she was the biggest b ever and as it was happening.. doom was leering in my head of how this was going to play out in my work life... not good.  My mind said.. I don't care, this feels too good. This feels too free. I am out of my shell to be myself and bring it on.

The next scene I remember is I was walking up to a house on farmland. I went in to see a friend, a guy, and he was frantic. A werewolf was near. My friend had a shotgun but only two shots. He tried but I knew he didn't hit the target. I ran out the back to see where we could hide. I found a well. It was the only place the werewolf wouldn't smell us or go. I looked at it. It was stagnant and swampy. I didn't want to get in, although I knew I would if I had to survive. I waited for my friend. I was not going to go in unless we both had to. I heard another shot. We were safe..

reciprocal wings

I dreamt that I was doing makeup in the outdoors for a movie that was being filmed. I was just putting finishing touches on the actors. A young woman and a couple of men. They all needed just a touch of blush so they looked flush as they were about to shoot an outdoor scene. I first put color on the girl and then the guys. The one fellow was tall and young with dark longish hair. He closed his eyes and smiled as I put just I dusted his cheeks lightly with a big fluffy brush. I think he liked the feeling of it. Just then, the director was walking up. He had a warm and calming presence. He was The Dude... or Jeff Bridges. His hair was wild and gray and he had a long lumbering walk. I wasn't completely confident in what I was doing, it was a new job. I wasn't going to win any awards, but I was sufficient. He walked up to me and asked how I was doing and if I liked my job. I said it was ok, although it was just an inbetween. I had another job, but that for sure wasn't what I wanted to do. We talked a bit more and I felt hugged by his presence. I could tell he appreciated the conversation. He said that after talking to me, he felt like crying, in a good release of emotions sort of way.

He asked me to come along with him. It felt nice, like I was being taken under someone's wing, but it was reciprocal. I found myself in a canoe, paddling along in a lake to the place of the next shoot. The actors were with me, but not The Dude. The girl was frantic. She was witnessing one of the guys and was acting as if he was about to do something drastic, like take his life. I looked over and he was fine. He may have been horsing around in the boat, but that is it. I felt they created more drama around them than need be and I wasn't sure if I should or could do anything about it. Then The Dude paddled up and with him his calming presence and I felt I really didn't need to think about any of it. 

floating

I dreamt that I was floating on an inner tube that was being pulled around by a boat. I had fallen asleep, and the inner tube had detached from boat. I looked around and I couldn't see it anywhere. I was out amongst other boats and it felt a little dangerous. I didn't want my friends to be upset, I almost fell like it was my fault for falling asleep.

I paddled to shore and when I arrived, I started walking along the shore. I had a swimsuit bottom on with skirt. The place was not just smooth sand. There were little sandy beaches, lots of people, platforms and stairs. I looked around for my friends but decided to go back to our cabin.

I walked up the hill on an unpaved road. There was a truck blocking the way, so I moved it. I hung my inner tube on it hoping that my friends would see it and know I was ok.

A man came up and was in a sort of food cart. I thought he was going to be upset that I was messing with things, but he wasn't. He went inside and he was showing my items he sold... prophetic trinkets and he seemed to know what I I was going to say before I said it. He took a photo of me and created a sign to say here she is... again, for my friends.

Another girl came up and he started to focus on her. He seemed to like her. I felt a bit disappointed and moved on.

Then the path turned into a paved walkway in front of a building. I went up some stairs, I was in a very nice building now, dressed for work. The stairs are large and marble white. I seem to be in a good mood, dressed nice, going to a good job, being treated nicely. A very tall older gentleman is behind me. He is in good humor and seems to be enjoying watching how I do what I do. My hands are full of items and I get to a step... do I have a clock? The step is very high.. comes to my hips. I decided I can't do this step gracefully with all of these things in my hands. I put them down and then have to climb up the stairs with my knees. The man chuckles and says something funny. I wished I could have done this better, but really.. this was the only way. I start to pick up my things and it seems impossible now that I ever carried it all. I might have to make a couple of trips. He looks at me and says... C.. it is time for you to take something on. It felt good and right. It was time for me to do something and quit floating.

treasure

I dreamt that I was on a journey. It seemed that I was in the desert, or at least a place that was dry and dusty... maybe deserted. The towns seemed empty.

I kept walking and I started noticing a pattern of how the towns were designed.. at least on our path, they seemed like duplicate copies in different states of evolution... being built, completion or torn down...

Our little dog was out ahead of us. I was concerned it first, it so small an so far ahead I couldn't defend it if need be, but it looked back with its sure little face and energy and I knew it was fine. We hadn't seen people for miles.

My friend or boyfriend's parents were out behind us a ways. There was a feeling that we should wait and let them catch up and another that said we should lose them. We had been walking for miles. I wanted to check but realized our electronics were down. We would be able to figure it out later, but I knew we were in the hundreds.

I saw a tall dark opening to a building. I think this is what we were looking for. We walked in and I joked about finding treasure. Then in the dark I saw a silhouette of a dark box on the ground out ahead about 100 feet. I ran towards it and sure enough, it was an old trunk. I turned round to see where my friend was. He had found something on the ground. It looked like a huge futuristic gun of sorts. I wanted to show him the treasure. We both were not thieve types, but very interested in the story behind things. We didn't want to take the treasure, but we didn't want someone else taking it either. We decided to focus on the gun thing and also who it may have belonged to that may still be here.

We walked farther down the dark tunnel and saw a light in a another opening down the hall. We walked in and saw many tables as if this was a room that knights or high political figures would meet to dine. I started playing with the gun more. It had screens, and gadgets that made me think it wasn't a gun at all, more of an information gatherer and tool. There was a video recording device and other screens and it kept humming. I could hear noises from outside and we both dropped and both wanted this gun to be quiet.

In came a group of people. The first was a stocky man with a beard. He seemed to be the leader, a bit aggressive seaming and barky. They saw us and immediately made us feel at ease. It may have been also that they had children with them. They started questioning us, who we were, how many of is and how did we find the place. I felt like saying it just revealed itself really, but I didn't share it. I didn't want them to feel that it was hard for them and easy for us... or that maybe we knew something they did not. We told them that only two more were coming. My bf's father and his gf (which was an ex's mother).   

antique toys

I dreamt that I was looking at an old toy room. In its hayday it was something new and magnificent. Now it was old and worn and nothing in comparison to today's electronic world. There were full on minature worlds made out of wood, something in every corner and on every surface to study and marvel at. We were walking through the room and remarking on memories of the treasures. I thought it could be revived and people would be interested.

Then I was walking outside, near water and then under water. I could breath there and...

embrace

I dreamt that I was embraced by someone, a man. It was almost as if he fell into me, but without the weight.. just melted into me. It wasn't a feeling of need and it wasn't a feeling of supporting, but it was not separate from me. 

Fassbender

I dreamt that I was starting a business with my friend SA and Michael Fassbender. Michael was kind of an ass, but I knew he was sharp on what our business was about, so I was glad to have him. We were meeting at some giant McDonalds type place. It had a library, a coffee shop and a business center. We chose to sit on some sofas around a wooden coffee table. SA had some website setup for our company, but it was overly complicated. I suggested we just do a free site where they have the handy software to put it together and PayPal if we needed it. Michael said we didn't need it really. He was curt, but again I didn't mind. I liked getting straight to the point and moving forward. He was excited as well as he could tell I was a go getter.

wedding cake

I dreamt that I was at a wedding. The guests sat conference style, with long tables facing the front. I was sitting next to a woman. A server came by with cakes. Instead of just one large wedding cakes, they had several different kinds, like chocolates. She wanted carrot, I looked and saw that they had it so I gave her that piece and was glad that she was happy with it.  I chose a chocolate piece, but I wasn't thrilled about my choice. Then I saw that there was tiramisu and I liked that choice better. I think I just didn't care about cake. It was just a tradition and I needed to leave the wedding.

I left and was in a car going to another hotel. I was out of gas. There was a large heavy plastic bag and I fell asleep on it and fuel was all over. I guess it was meant for carrying fuel and I was going to use it to fill up my car. I didn't know how to work it and asked my brother for help. He gave me very little information and then left. I had carried it most of the way and I was worried if it had holes in it.