elevator

I dreamt that I was in a building. I worked there. I was up in the IT department and needed to take elevator. I walked back to the server room which was a bit cramped with wires strewn all over and found the elevator. It was a two seater. I thought maybe that it was a secret work elevator or a special  private executive elevator that took you to the top floors.

I got in to see if it would take me to where I needed to go. It moved, but not up. It went sideways then up then at an angle and then out of the building. I ended up a few blocks from the building out on a street.  A friend of mine was there and we started walking back to the building, but then we were on a tram. It went by a new coffee shop near our building called Canby Cafe. I was criticizing the name as it seemed kind of cheap sounding. A Russian man owned it and I figured he didn't know that Canby wasn't impressive in this city. M kind of got after me and then I felt a bit bad for being over critical.

When we returned to the building, the lobby was remodeled. It was nice enough before, but now it was futuristic, lots of metal and bright colors. It looked kind of flashy like a Vegas hotel. We continued walking and saw a man that was cooking. It seems he had a cafe in the lobby and we had a longstanding relationship with him from working in this building so long. I saw a whole chicken coated in wax and remembered that he had told us a story about some old recipe where you stuff sliced smoked meat into a chicken, then you dip the chicken in wax, coat it and then fry it.

M started talking about his husband. He said that when he and P would think the same thought, it would happen, whatever the thought. They were practicing controlling their thoughts to bring about change that they wanted.

Woke up to this song in my head "In the Shape of a Heart"

"In The Shape Of A Heart"

It was a ruby that she wore
On a chain around her neck
In the shape of a heart
In the shape of a heart
It was a time I won't forget
For the sorrow and regret
And the shape of a heart
And the shape of a heart
I guess I never knew
What she was talking about
I guess I never knew
What she was living without

People speak of love don't know what they're thinking of
Wait around for the one who fits just like a glove
Speak in terms of belief and belonging
Try to fit some name to their longing
People speak of love

There was a hole left in the wall
From some ancient fight
About the size of a fist
Or something thrown that had missed
And there were other holes as well
In the house where our nights fell
Far too many to repair
In the time that we were there

People speak of love don't know what they're thinking of
Reach out to each other though the push and shove
Speak in terms of a life and the learning
Try to think of a word for the burning

You keep it up
You try so hard
To keep a life from coming apart
And never know
What breaches and faults are concealed
In the shape of a heart

It was the ruby that she wore
On a stand beside the bed
In the hour before dawn
When I knew she was gone
And I held it in my hand
For a little while
And dropped it into the wall
Let it go, heard it fall

I guess I never knew
What she was talking about
I guess I never knew
What she was living without
People speak of love don't know what they're thinking of
Wait around for the one who fits just like a glove
Speak in terms of a life and the living
Try to find the word for forgiving

You keep it up
You try so hard
To keep a life from coming apart
And never know
The shallows and the unseen reefs
That are there from the start
In the shape of a heart

Woke up with this song in my head - Overkill

Men At Work

"Overkill"

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be all right
Perhaps it's just imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations that
I know will be all right
It's just overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away

my office

I dreamt that I was in an office. I'm not quite sure if I was moving into a new office or had been sharing one and someone else was moving out, but it was an improvement... more space, more freedom. The items of the other person were being put in boxes and I could see my future office clearing its way for me. I saw bare walls where I could put my art, desk tops and drawers where I could organize my things and create my own atmosphere.

other bus

I dreamt that I was on a bus.  I needed to get off of it because it was not going where I wanted to go. It was going some place I had been before. Once I headed towards the doors, I questioned myself.. Should I just stay on it as it is going forward, I don't know which bus to get on or where to catch one? But no.. this one wouldn't get me to where I wanted to go.

I stopped for second to think... last chance to stay on this bus leading to? or risk trying to get to my desired destination

I decided to get off the bus. I started walking on the side of a dirt road. There were trees on one side, but otherwise just dirt. There were others on the road... also heading in one way or another. Possibly knowing where they were going and possibly not.

survival

I dreamt that I was in a building, like an old plantation house. My dad, my brother and I were leaving and going to walk out the front door on to the porch. The porch was very large and surrounded the house and there were a wide set of steps leading down to a very large front yard about the size of a field. Many people were out there and there was much commotion. It seemed we were walking into a war of some kind. I noticed now that we all had a gun and so were prepared in a small way to engage. My dad and brother paused and sat on the steps, I standing behind them. My dad was holding my brother's hand as if to comfort him, both of them faced forward. I felt as though they must have a stronger link between them that I was unconscious of. It didn't feel bad, it just was.

We walked out into the array of boys and guns and they went one way and I was solo with my gun. As I looked at who I was fighting, they truly were boys. None of them more than 5 feet tall, with little uniforms and caps that looked like they were from the civil war. One boy tried to shoot me but I gained control of his arms and stole his gun. I thought I was good then, but he had another gun hidden in a pocket, which I wrestled from him as well. Finally I realized if I wanted to live, I had to shoot. I grabbed his musket, which had a long very skinny barrel of metal with no wood surrounding it and shot. The bullet left the barrel in slow motion, but kept straight to my target. I knew I could hit anything I pointed the gun at with accuracy. I exclaimed it out loud to anyone that was listening. I shot again and again, not to kill, but to live.

decision

I dreamt that I was going to mall with dad, He is grumpy, He needs to shop for something particular.. . I think a suitcase.  We walk in the mall and there are so many children rambling about freely... We comment this is unsafe as we heard of an article stating that there have been kidnappings etc. in this mall. Then all of the lights turn off... I see everyone is in pajamas... it is some special pajama night... I'm thinking ok.. from bad to worse?

We keep walking through the mall, dad is still frustrated. We find a shop that has luggage and go in. Dad is looking for his particular item that he wants and I meander. The shop keeper is very nice, and kind of cute. He notices my dad is irritable. He tries to get my attention and ask me out but doesn't want my dad to notice fearing how he might react. I look at him and try to continue the cloak and dagger. I take a pen and try to write my number down for him and mouth to him to text me what he would like to say, but the pen isn't writing. I try on another piece of paper... I try scribbling lightly... harder, shaking the pen and trying again... nothing is working. I look up at him... then a light goes off... My business card!  I look and look and sort through a hand full of business cars, but there are none left of mine, just a bunch of business cards from other associates. My dad wants to leave, he is done with the store. I go and walk to the door opening and he is out the door. I look back to the shopkeeper and say good bye and when I turn back to the door, the store is moving... like a locomotive. Or maybe the outside is moving like one. I look outside and it is dark and snowing and no longer the interior of the mall. I feel as though I can either follow my dad or stay with the shopkeeper, but the decision will be final. I find myself slipping, the entry is tilting as if I am on a mountainside. I grasp the edge of the entry with my fingertips tightly and try to pull myself to the shopkeeper, who is now on his stomach with his hand outreached for mine. The outside is moving faster, the choice needs to be made now. I grab the shopkeepers hand and pull myself to it and kiss it as if that is the seal to the deal, the exclamation of my decision. It feels nice and we pull each other closer and are together. Then the store is the moving train. My legs are still hanging outside and we are still holding tight to each other, to our decision not letting the movement, the snow or anything sway our grasp. Then the train stops at the entrance of a shabby tunnel. There is old garbage and this and that strewn about all in different layers of black and gray. We look at each other and kiss. From the corner of my eye, I see what looks to be an insect. It is about 6 inches long and looks to be made of red beads stacked in a line. It curls over itself and then a flower blooms from it. It felt beautiful and affirming.

Woke up to this song in my head - Crazy On You

"Crazy On You"

We may still have time
We might still get by
Every time I think about it I want to cry
With the bombs and the devils
And the kids keep coming
Nowhere to breathe easy...no time to be young
But I tell myself that I'm doing alright
There's nothing left to do tonight but go crazy on you

My love is the evening breeze touching your skin
The gentle sweet singing of leaves in the wind
The whisper that calls, after you in the night
And kisses your ear in the early light
You don't need to wonder, you're doing fine
And my love, the pleasure's mine
Let me go crazy on you

Wild man's world is crying in pain
What you gonna do when everybody's insane
So afraid of fortune, so afraid of you
What you gonna do?
Crazy on you, let me go crazy on you
I was willow last night in my dream
I bent down over a clear running stream
I sang you the song that i heard up above
And you keep me alive with your sweet flowing love
Crazy, crazy on you,
Let me go crazy, crazy on you

travel rooms

I dreamt that I was visiting some woman. She was an older lady and lived in a unique apartment downtown Amsterdam. She lived there with her husband. She was cordial and a good host, but at one point she said..."you know, you are really close to New York City... would be a shame if you didn't pop over there. I also have a friend there that has offered up her condo for free." I was thinking... did I over stay? Are they annoyed with me? I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew I was going to at least stay one more night. I called my friend MB to see if he would be interested in a trip to NYC, that it was a great deal with a free place to stay and so on. He said yes.

So we all of a sudden were there, but there now was some third world country. We wanted to go downtown, so we went to where you would catch a bus. While waiting we walked into an old building and into some shops. We were surprised at the high quality of items. The bus had arrived and we rant to jump on it. Everyone else had boarded and it was full, or so we thought. The driver was Turkish and said with almost a mean smile... "Grab onto the door, it will be fine."  I looked at my friend with a reassuring face like.. this must be normal so let's get on and not lose our ride. I held onto the door and the man sped off... the door swung out and my feet were dragging on the ground, although I did not seem to get injured. I yelled at the driver to stop and let us get on properly and I noticed there were actual seats on the bus, so he did.

Then we were in a hotel room. It was the room of the owner where I worked. We were getting ready and moving about, knowing we had to get out of there before he returned. I had accidentally pushed some button which auto-remade the bed. I quickly pushed the button several times to stop it from happening. I didn't want evidence of our presence in his room. The bed didn't completely come undone, but was ruffled. I was going to go retighten the sheets and blankets, but the owner showed up. 

missed opportunity

I dreamt that I was at a speaking event. The woman that was speaking "knew" things. She had the answers that you wanted. Only a few would be chosen from the audience to talk to her on stage. She was up on stage and talking to the audience, fussing with her hair a bit. I noticed she had braided the top of her hair to create some height. Then I noticed it was a hair piece. She continued talking and was pulling out different wigs, all different colors and styles. I wanted to see them on her as it can really change how someone appears. She just kept pulling them out and twirling them around on her hand and setting them back down. The session was at a break and many of the people left to use the bathroom, get a coffee or just stretch their legs. A few of us continued to sit in our chairs.

She stepped down off the stage and mingled with us, something she never does. She walked up to me and asked.. do you have any questions. This was a great opportunity... I had her all to myself and could ask anything... it was like her opening a giant wallet and saying... want some? take what you need.  I couldn't think of anything.. I immediately said.. "I'm fine, I don't have any questions." I thought to myself "What is wrong with you?!?!? You have the holy grail in front of you and you say no??"  I stopped her quickly and asked her about some problem that I already really knew the answer for ... and she gave me the answer that I already knew. She walked away and a woman in front of me turned and said that she had the same issue. She was a very large woman, with black hair all atop her head and bright clothing. She went on about how she was afraid to lose weight as her shape would morph into something less feminine than when she was heavy. I told her it was only a phase and that it would improve and that her health was more important that her worry of the phases. She looked at me and kissed me straight on the mouth. It wasn't romantic or meaning anything.. more of a thank you. It was odd to me, but nice in a sweet way like a squeeze on your shoulder or a hug. I looked at her and said, besides, you are pretty, luckier than most. Not sure why I said it.. I guess I wanted her to focus on the positive. 

Woke up to this song in my head - Only the Lonely

Roy Orbison – Only The Lonely Lyrics

(Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah, ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah)
(Oh, oh oh oh oh ooh-ah-ah, only the lonely, only the lonely)

Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know the way I feel tonight (Ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah)
Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know this feeling ain't right (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)

There goes my baby, there goes my heart
They're gone forever, so far apart
But only the lonely know wh-why-why I cry, only the lonely 
(Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah, ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah)
(Oh, oh oh oh oh ooh-ah-ah, only the lonely, only the lonely)

Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know the heartaches I've been through (Ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah
Only the lonely (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know I cry and cry for you (Dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)

Maybe tomorrow a new romance
No-o-o more sorrow, but that's the chance
You've got to take, if your lonely heart breaks
Only the lonely 

life and death

I dreamt that I was on a ship to somewhere... The ship was where I worked. I didn't do ship related work, but it was where our offices were. The coworker of mine was KM, AL and would morph back and forth between being other people in my life. I wasn't sure what my work was, but I was so happy to be on a ship, mobile, moving around instead of in an office. It was great. My coworker and I were on the bow of the ship and had a huge window. It was large enough to go a bit below sea level. The ship started rocking and moving... and then swirling in a large circle that started moving faster and faster. I looked outside and saw a whale shark. I said maybe he is nudging us??  They said no, this is something else. The boat started tossing and turning, the bow going completely under water and rising back up. Part of me thought I should be scared, but I wasn't. It was so exciting and thrilling. A ships man came to see how we were and said we must seal our door  to not flood our cabin. It was already halfway under water. I knew we could easily die, but this way of living was living and the old was in the office felt more like death.

camping

I dreamt that I was going camping with SaPa and JP (boss' son).  We were gathering beers for the trip. My friends KJ & HJ were going as well, but on a separate trip. They were checking out their tent and making sure it was ok. It was made of an almost sheer fabric that was easy to clean by just shaking it.

I had to use the bathroom and was sitting there when J walked in. Normally I would of eeked or screamed, but he treated it like nothing and asked me a few questions. I realized that it really is nothing and why are we all so freakish about our bodies being seen.

disconnect

I dreamt that I was at my brother's. They were going through their things and throwing away what they didn't need or want. I saw some velvet blue curtains I had given them recently. They were high quality and beautiful. They were ruined... stains, threads pulled, and son on. I was mortified. They were going to toss them... they said they were not worth anything... I was beside myself on how someone could treat something so poorly. I said "if you didn't want them, why didn't you give them back instead of treating them poor...."    Then there was a can on the ground. I showed it to my step mother. It was an antique. The label had a painting of a cartoonish cow on it. It was actually quite cute. So after the curtain talk, I thought I would lift my spirits by fixing up the can and observing it. I asked my step mom if she could hand me the can...
Her:  The van?
Me: The can
Her: It's tan?
Me: THE CAN
Her: The van?
Me: THE CAAAAANNN!!!

I woke up to my heart beating and being frustrated.

woke up to this song in my head "My Eyes Adored You"

"My Eyes Adored You"

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far away

Carried your books from school
Playing make-believe you're married to me
You were fifth grade, I was sixth
When we came to be

Walking home every day over 
Barnegat Bridge and Bay
Till we grew into the me and you
Who went our separate ways

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far

Headed for city lights
Climbed the ladder up
to fortune and fame
I worked my fingers to the bone
Made myself a name

Funny, I seem to find that
no matter how the years unwind
Still I reminisce about the girl I miss
And the love I left behind

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far

All my life I will remember
How warm and tender
We were way back then
Though I'm feeling sad regrets
I know I won't ever forget
You, my childhood friend

My eyes adored you
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored you
Like a million miles away
From me you couldn't see
How I adored you
So close, so close
And yet so far

unsaid

I dreamt that I worked at a sort of fashion place. I felt like I was an account manager of sorts and we had clients that were designers or? something that dealt with fashion. I know that we had to keep track of the new seasons and not quite sure what else, but we had to please them in one way or another. I liked the product but not the pleasing part. I didn't like the idea that I had to read minds... I did like the current lines I was working with though. A new fella was starting, a tall blond guy, with an odd haircut and straight bangs... almost a bob. He wanted my clients and I had to hand them over. I wasn't happy at first, but I just decided to accept it. What is is ... I moved to another desk and started handing over some of my paperwork. It started to feel better, to feel good that something new would be coming to me. Then I went over to explain who he would be dealing with and he turned into someone else... someone I liked. WW. We laid on the ground and started going over things. At one point I had to reach in front of him and his face brushed my ear and he whispered I love you. It felt so nice, and I loved him too but I didn't say it. I held my breath. I was worried... if I said it what would happen next... would we have to act on it... was it right... was it a mistake

duck tiger

I dreamt that  I was on a boat... I think I lived on it. There was a window at one end and I opened it. I was living on a river and I noticed a tiger swimming under water and a duck was standing on its back as it swam. I thought how crazy and cool and where am I that there are tigers in the river?? Then one tiger noticed my open window. It came close and at first I thought neat... but then it seemed like it was going to crawl through and I thought not so neat. I tried to shooo it away and it wasn't scared. I finally tried closing the window and it must of worked. Definitely a feeling of curiosity followed by fear.

Then I noticed the boat moving... someone had detached it from the dock. I wasn't sure how to operate it yet. I was floating down the river to who knows where. Then I thought it must have a motor or some sort of way to control the movement. I found the motor in the back and started steering. Then it was open and free of the house part. It was better and I felt better. 

dionysus

I dreamt I was holding a baby. Was it mine? someone else's? not sure. But I though it was beautiful and I was proud. Then the baby was a young man.  He had curly hair. I told him, "We need to find a name for you."   He liked ships and pirates so we started looking in old sailing books and then just old books. He looked on a page and said "Dionysus, I like that name." So he became Dionysus.

We were on a boat planning on a destination. It was too a big city or village that I had known would offer him variety and potential. We were sailing along enjoying ourselves when the watery path came to a fork. The boats were in two now and he was heading down one way, an unknown path to me and my boat was still at the head of the fork. I looked at him and with concern as if to ask.. should I be going with you?"

He looked back at me with a face that said.... I'm excited ... it is ok.

woke up to this son in my head - Shenandoah

alec and andrew

I dreamt that I had two new bosses. Alec Baldwin was the head of the company. He seemed even keel and professional. He looked out for his employees as well as his pocketbook. His next man in command was an Andrew Dice Clay type. Not someone you would trust with your daughter, but at the same time, he would look out for anyone he was connected with. I had mixed feelings around him for this reason. I knew he would take care of me... it was almost a warm feeling. But I also know he would take advantage of me if he got the chance.

farm

I dreamt I was with RC. He lived in empty vacant houses.  We were cozy together. Another girl tried to get his attention, but he wasn't interested. He really wasn't interested in being with anyone, but I didn't require anything.

Then I dreamt of GV, great feeling of friendship.

Then I dreamt of RB. I saw him and said.. "you've moved back!" I was happy to see him. He asked if I would like to buy a winery or farm with him. I was about to tell him of some property I was thinking of buying... but then realized, he hadn't really moved back, but he was going to move somewhere new. I liked the idea and decided to go with him.  We stayed at an inbetween place before getting to the farm. It had the feel of an old western town, simple. He, myself and his niece all slept in the same room. It was nice and peaceful. It was wonderful.

fat seal

I dreamt that I was at a bar with FE. There were picnic tables, a goat, people smoking. C&SK showed up. Then JS showed up. A group of guys needed chairs. They seemed like they were from some local sports team. The place was filled with bar flies.  One older crack lady was showing me her bruises. She had wet her pants.  The roof of the place started leaking.. it seemed it was more of a shed than an actual building. One of guys asked who I was. I introduced myself and FE.  Realizing SK already knew him. JS saw a puppet on a wall and went after it.

I asked a red head if he knew MM, he didn't but I said that he would look.  First looked at his phone because he had to do some buddy exercise. One was called mosquito where you clicked heels together. He had to tape what he did to send back to his buddy.  It looked like a difficult move and funny. Then a video came up of MM. He was bearded and D, his best friend. They were playing hockey? No, maybe it was luge, and with the red head. So he did know him. 

Later I woke up with a guy. I was worried, but then realized that I was fully dressed.  We were at a luge track. A drone was above taking a video of it. It was grassy and muddy. I saw MM and said "oh this is an Oregon luge."  

I walked the old crack lady to her home.  She asked some man for a writing piece. I guess she helped addicts. The man had taken his last pay and bought drugs. She asked him "Where is my article?!" He said it was coming and she went on about how she could pay someone else for this instead, trying to give him tough love. She asked what he did with his last pay and he lied. She kicked him out and he was on the corner between a building and a dumpster. His eyes got wide. He was going through withdrawal and needed a fix, sweating and fidgety. Then his eyes got bigger. Was he high? No, more like that he was in some trance. Like he was now under control of this thing. As his eyes became larger, they turned black. He dropped to the ground, his body bloated, arms shrunk and he flopped down. Looking like a fat seal. Noticing the feel of cement, that there was a puddle near by he wanted to roll in to feel. And to just sit and experience. It was sad but not. He was helpless to the drug, but not as miserable as it would appear to an outsider. 

Woke up to this song in my head - Welcome Back

Welcome back
Your dreams were your ticket out
Welcome back
To that same old place that you laughed about

Well the names have all changed since you hung around
But those dreams have remained and they've turned around
Who'd have thought they'd lead ya
(Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Back here where we need ya
(Back here where we need ya)

Yeah. we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot
Welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back

Welcome back
We always could spot a friend
Welcome back
And I smile when I think how you must have been

And I know what a scene you were learning in
Was there something that made you come back again
And what could ever lead ya
(What could ever lead ya)
Back here where we need ya
(Back here where we need ya)

Yeah, we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot
Welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back

And I know what a scene you were learning in
Was there something that made you come back again
And what could ever lead ya
(What could ever lead ya)
Back here where we need ya
(Back here where we need ya)

Yeah. we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot
Welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back

Yeah. we tease him a lot
Welcome back, welcome back
'Cause we got him on the spot
Welcome back, welcome back

Yeah. we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot
Welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back

woke up to Roll Out The Barrel in my head

Roll Out The Barrel

(Beer Barrel Polka)

There's a garden, what a garden,
Only happy faces bloom there,
And there's never any room there,
For a worry or a gloom there
Oh there's music and there's dancing,
And a lot of sweet romancing
When they play the polka
They all get in the swing

Every time they hear that oom-pa-pa,
Everybody feels so tra-la-la
They want to throw their cares away,
They all go lah-de-ah-de-ay
Then they hear a rumble on the floor,
It's the big surprise they're waiting for
And all the couples form a ring,
For miles around you'll hear them sing...

Roll out the barrel,
We'll have a barrel of fun
Roll out the barrel,
We've got the blues on the run
Zing boom tararrel,
Ring out a song of good cheer
Now's the time to roll the barrel,
For the gang's all here

checkout

I dreamt that I was at the store buying odds n ends. I decided to go through the do it yourself checkout line. I was feeling bumbly and dropped something, then continued and was less than graceful about the whole thing. People in line were waiting, which made it a little more awkward. I then took out my card to pay but first I didn't recognize which card to use. Was I on something? I felt out of it and in control of not one part of my body or brain. I finally found the right card the first swipe didn't work. Then I noticed the screen went back to a home screen when my hand brushed it. Great, now I have to re-scan everything, I thought. But then I just tried my card again just in case and it went through, and it did. And I wanted to go right what ever was wrong with myself.

woke up to this song in my head Wish You Were Here

"Wish You Were Here"

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

meditation

I dreamt that I was meditating... there was music... a bit native american-esque. First I was irritated. I didn't like the music or the visions I was getting... I was on dry cracked dirt, dry crackling trees, dry grass.... then I started feeling it... I was in space or the stars or whatever you like to call that area where you can float around. I was slowly spinning in the sky. It was ok for a bit until I started thinking about what a star really was... a rock... and then I was on a rock in space and the fun ended. I tried again... then Robert Downy Jr. showed up.. he was trying to teach me how to float fly... to not effort... To not just float, but not try to fly. It was a pure letting go and just enjoying the experience without concerning myself with direction, goals, how am I doing this?  Then a friend showed up, DH. He floated to me and we were forehead to forehead. And zoom... I was beyond beyond. I felt high and amazing and like I was on some happy gas from the dentist's office. This lasted a while until he was gone and so was I. I just felt good.... no body.... just good.

dusk

I dreamt that I went outside at dusk. It was like I entered a world that humans normally don't get to see. There were a bunch of lilies growing and the flowers and the leaves were bio-luminescent. Then two white owls flew down on the grass to hang out for the evening and there were humming birds darting in and out of the trees singing.  It was beautiful.

bike

I dreamt that I was living closer to the activity in the city, but the hippy side. I rode my bike to get around and it was nice and freeing. I happened to have some things I wanted to drop by a gal that I had just met. It was early in the morning before work, so I threw on a skirt and tshirt, my hair still wet. I had cookies and ?? I guess something else she was interested in, as we had talked about opening a biz. I had realized I had thought about the same biz long ago and brought by my info. I met her roommate as well who was a gal I worked with years ago, K an editor. She was very nice and vaguely remembered me, but just enough to spark her memory.

I had to get going as I still needed to get ready for work. I rode my bike down a grassy path and parents were biking their kids to school. I felt happily expectant of good things to come.

missed bus

I dreamt that I was with a crew of people. We were in the woods and near some caves that had been discovered and we would be some of the first people to see them. I was very excited as I loved this sort of thing. We were going to go on two separate buses at different times to not over crowd the area.   I was supposed to go on the first bus. I had been ready and everyone else was running around getting their things. I went to go use the bathroom which was kind of in a half open space on a vehicle. It was a little odd sitting while people, men and woman, could sit and chat with you and see your face. JLittle and JimmyK were talking to me, not meaning to be rude. I hinted that it was a little difficult to proceed with them there and they left me alone. I was done and popped outside as I saw my bus leave. I was upset and vocally so. The first bus was also going to perform some sort of ritual. It wasn't weird or crazy, but for those that didn't understand it, it seemed so. I was probably someone that was the most interested in this part and was going to miss this opportunity. The driver of the 2nd bus, JK (MT's stepdad). He was flippant about it and obviously was clueless, or I would have been mad at his reaction.  I got on the second bus and we were on our way. As we pulled up, I saw the first crew leave the cave and I sort of let it go. 

glowing

I dreamt that I was at some hotel or destination place. I was on some large patio/balcony and it was evening. I looked over the edge of the railing and there was a tiger, its cub and a golden lab pup. They looked as though they needed help and I tried to help them get onto the patio. It seemed to have worked but then I had others around me. They all had an opinion of if it was a good idea that I helped them, or how I helped them. I just threw up my hands... I did what I felt was best with what I knew at the moment. I walked away.

Then I was in a room with a man that was very blond, like naturally white blond and his skin was about the same color. He was almost glowing. His clothing was light as well. He seemed preoccupied with something. He was pacing back and forth seeming to do something while you could almost feel his mind working. It was a peaceful mind though. His desires were bringing about good feeling. It was smooth unfolding, not harried. Then I realized it was CG, a boy I had gone to school with. I think I had not noticed him and appreciated him until now.

Then I left because I had some things to do myself. I went out to a black truck and I guess I had to get it to another area of the building as and something else that I couldn't remember. I was in the backseat of the car and had to drive it from there backwards. It was awkward, but I had no doubts that I could do it... just might hit something here and there. 

carving life

I dreamt I was watching over kids of a family. It was a large home in the country. They all seemed different some how. They were all blond, very bonded, maybe I was different.  I went upstairs to check out the place. The family would carve the names of the children into the vaulted walls when they were born. It was very ornate and they carved decorations around them. It was kind of beautiful.  There were carvings all continuing around it denoting their life.  RVB showed up and I was showing him the carvings. He kissed me and we were starting to get intimate and then noticed all of the children had been hiding up there. We quickly got up and followed them to what we thought was their meal time, but then there were many many children and teens and young adults. They were all there at long tables outside. It felt more like a camp, a hidden camp. There were going to be some activities, like musical chairs and drawing contests. It seemed like a fun time for them, but I felt a bit confused. I walked by some chaos at the musical chairs and by then had lost RVB. I went to go get my art supplies case and decided to join in on the drawing contest. I couldn't find it. I looked and looked and then saw that someone had taken it all apart. They were willing to give it back to me, but I didn't want it now. Have of the pieces were broken and it was a mess. 

white cane

I dreamt that I was on the bus or train to the city. My friend JWM just happened to be there too. When he noticed me he came behind me and gave me a hug and a kiss and he was happy and on his way. I had a destination as well. I was walking with a can. It was modern looking white with silver and a wheel on the end. I didn't mind having it with me although I don't think I needed it. I was walking swiftly through the city, cool breeze on my face, down stairs and across streets. Then I realized I was going to be walking around a more hilly area and there was a new escalator, all white and clear parts. You would swing under this bar, slide down at an angle, almost standing and the thing would shoot down the hill and then tilt you back up at the bottom to easily walk forward. I think I had reached my destination. I was in a room with a large half circle sofa and others were showing up. Some felt like that took up more social space than I did. My aunt IV and other family types showed up and then I started looking at my things. I had my suitcase and the coat that had been thrown over my arm, but where was my cane? I hadn't remembered setting it down or letting go of it at all. It should be here. I panicked as I thought someone for sure would want it. I went back to the escalator and nothing was there and then I thought about backtracking. I saw that there was a container with other cane type things at the bottom of the escalator. Was that for people to use, or was that where we leave them and move on?

alien ship

I dreamt that I was outside in the evening in what seemed like a perfectly groomed yard. Life felt sort of perfect... I was lack of any worry. I looked up and had to blink twice. There was a massive space ship moving across the sky. It was flat with many lines and squares in patterns all over its underbelly. I was glad it was passing quietly. I thought... my friend SK sure would like to be here. I looked back up at it and concentrated on it thinking I could get its attention. Then a warm beam of light came and locked on me and I slowly lifted up in the air. I was oddly calm, as this is the last thing I would normally want to happen.  Once inside I was greeted by normal young women. They were all polite and sweet, almost naive seeming. They had all once been on earth or some other planet like myself and were eager to get to know me and make me feel at home. I was in a sort of holding room that until certain things were attended to and I would be welcome in the rest of the ship. They girls seemed a bit stepford-wifey. Their innocence and naivete seeming selves were more like they were knowledgeable but with neutrality. Like they were cleansed of something of themselves so that what was left was just facts and curiosity.

rocky tread

I dreamt that I was getting on to a treadmill, but it was quite large. It was about the width of a lane of traffic and tilted up into darkness. Basically a small structure was built around it and you couldn't see the ceiling of it or the end of the treadmill... or what was coming next. When it was on, it started out like a normal treadmill, smooth black that you walk or jog on. Then a gray cube was on one side, then another on the left, spaced out and easily avoided, but as it went, the tread became more of an obstacle course and you had to jump, leap and climb around the objects coming towards you. I was worried that if I fell, I would get scraped up, but I found that the "rocks" were a dark charcoal foam that although sturdy, had some give. I was moving along doing well, then two guys from high school were behind me. They were very athletic and very tall. At first I was concerned, but they were both there to guide me and help me improve my agility and strength. It was enjoyable and I was looking forward to what might be next.

focus

I dreamt that a man tossed me a chocolate. It hit the floor and slid past me and hit a wall, then another wall and then out the door to the lobby..  I followed it with a knowing that I'm supposed to be out there for some reason., fate or something.  I went out to pick it up and I ran into some salty haired guy going on about acting, his acting ,his voice, etc. etc.

I come back into the room, wanting to roll my eyes, telling my com padres about how actors can be so .... and make a face. Then I immediately feel bad. It wasn't a nice thing to say, and besides, why think of something I don't like and start noticing more of it... Then I went to the sofa in the room we were in. There were windows to a hallway that led to conference rooms. A line of actors were inline waiting for a workshop. I let go a bit and took a deep breath.. look how quickly that worked... I thought of actors and there were 20 more. Focusing it into reality... I'm feeling lucky, good... Now let's focus on something fun, I thought.

nose

I dreamt that a man was walking to a shop, a little old fashioned shop.  It almost seemed like an older time as well.  This man had a long nose, well more like it would grow, like Pinocchio, but then it would shrink back to normal. I thought maybe he was thinking untruthful thoughts and when he stopped, his nose would return to normal, but then his nose grew out into the shape of a fish... then back, then a bulb, then back. He certainly had a problem.

He walked into the shop and headed straight for the counter where there was a small stand holding a card and a basket of more cards in front of it. The card had a a blue line drawing of a basket and if you pulled on a paper tag it would move as if something was going to fall in it, abundance, something good ...

The man had heard of another man that had used this card and his wish came true. He wanted to make a wish. The story went that you would definitely get something from the card, but you wouldn't be guaranteed your wish, so it was a risk. This man was full of anxiety and fear as he chose his card. It was another white card but this time it had a black shiny figure on it who also had a long nose with a bulb at the end. He eagerly pulled the tab ... and nothing happened. Mind you his nose wasn't in some odd shape, but he didn't feel any different. Then out popped a life size version of the black shiny figure with the long nose. The man fell back and was startled and then realized he needed to run. The black figure was after him, batting at him with his nose as he ran.

joke store

I dreamt that I went to a place for meditation.  There was a lady that was leading us and she was looking at me as though the message was mainly for me.  I could tell many were newbies at this. She had us all lay on the ground, then we had to move towards the back of the room and together for some reason. That put me on the floor under someone in a bunk. I was going to just make do, but instead I asked everyone to move and the woman looked at everyone like they must...again that this was for me. She had us watch an old film of someone meditating to show us how it was done and had been done for years. The person on the film was laying on a bed. We could only see the legs and feet through a doorway. The room was dark and there was a soft blue glow of light reflection of the person's white clothing. We couldn't hear anything, but then we saw the body levitate.

I left from there with a group I came with. The instructor led us to a bar. We tasted wine and she instructed again on what foods to try and so on. Again it seemed like she was focused and helping me, observing and making sure my needs were being met. The place became crowded like the meditation studio and I wanted to space, so I walked over to bar seating. It was an odd sitting arrangement, but there was more space and I was right next to some food and wine.

The group left this place and we walked over to a joke store and walked in. I walked around looking and the odd items. It seems I was on a sort of bachelorette night now. Three of us decided to fill out applications for clerk positions at the store. I think we did it as a ruse, as we were there on vacation.

We left the store to go find the rest of the group at the bar,

I turned and went back into the joke store for something, Maybe to do something?
I walked around and had a conversation in my head as if I was in there with a religious conservative man from other country.

Man - "What is this store?"

Me - "Just an adult joke store."

Man - "An adult store?"  horrified of the thought that it was a sex store.

Me - "Nooo, a joke store that is just adult in nature."

Man - "But I think I saw an adult "toy.""

Me - "Sure, there may be some adult toys here, but it isn't that kind of store..."

[End of conversation in my head.]

I walked to the exit and the clerk looked at me as if I was there to steal something. I told him that my friends and I had just been in here and applied for jobs. Then a larger lesbian lady behind the counter said, "Oh you forgot your phone number on the application."  I think that she was just trying to get my number. I quickly wrote my number down as I felt is was my ticket to innocence. I accidentally, but thankfully transposed my numbers.

I went out to join the rest of the girls. It seems the guest of honor, the bride to be, was a blond gal. She and a few others were in line to get into this popular club. The line went down stone stairs and around the block. The bride said "Ya know.. I don't really want to go to this club."  She looked a bit tired and wanted to just relax.  I was relieved as I had been dressed in khaki shorts and a big t shirt. I felt like I was in man clothes and wanted to change. I said "Sounds great, How about we go somewhere smaller, get appetizers, since we each haven't eaten yet. I just wanted to buy time to go get changed. 

woke up to this song in my head - From Eden

"From Eden"

Babe, there's something tragic about you
Something so magic about you
Don't you agree?

Babe, there's something lonesome about you
Something so wholesome about you
Get closer to me

No tired sighs, no rolling eyes, no irony
No 'who cares', no vacant stares, no time for me

Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago
Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword
Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

Babe, there's something wretched about this
Something so precious about this

[Live version inclusion:
Where to begin

Babe, there's something broken about this
But I might be hoping about this.]

Oh, what a sin

To the strand a picnic plan for you and me
A rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree

Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago
Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword
Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago
Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword
Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know
I slithered here from Eden just to hide outside your door

underwater fate

I dreamt that I was being "condemned."  In parenthesis because I'm not sure if it was condemnation from something I had done or it was something that just was inevitable  ...

An old weathered man in a gown was holding a staff spitting out words of my fate.  I would have to jump off the cliff that to my back. The part of the cliff I was standing on had red and ice blue posts that would light up with either fire or beams of cold. I couldn't walk left or right, just forward between the posts or I might get burned or frozen, although one of those options was going to be my end either way.  I didn't look for an escape because it had to be and I knew it.

Was I to jump into boiling water of fire or the frozen option?  It looks like it would be freezing to death, I could handle that I thought, not the worst way to go.  I looked over the edge and there was a mermaid emerging out of the water... I looked at her face and she seemed to be beckoning me with a pleasant welcoming look. I thought I had better just do this, so I jumped and plunged beneath the water... I could feel the icy cold and see a bit through the greenish water. I saw my hand and wanted to see how it would freeze.  I noticed I wasn't floating up to the top and I heard the mermaid say to breath in. Was I to die by drowning instead of being frozen solid? I breathed in and found that I could breath the water, I was swimming and not freezing.  But I still wasn't coming to the top, this was my world now.

woke up to this song in my head - Happy Talk

Happy Talk

Happy talk, keep talkin' happy talk,
Talk about things you'd like to do.
You got to have a dream,
If you don't have a dream,
How you gonna have a dream come true?

Talk about the moon floatin' in the sky
Lookin' at a lily on the lake;
Talk about a bird learnin' how to fly.
Makin' all the music he can make.

Happy talk, keep talkin' happy talk,
Talk about things you'd like to do.
You got to have a dream,
If you don't have a dream,
How you gonna have a dream come true?

Talk about the sparrow lookin' like a toy
Pickin' through the broaches of a tree;
Talk about the girl, talk about the boy
Countin' all the ripples on the sea.

Happy talk, keep talkin' happy talk,
Talk about things you'd like to do.
You got to have a dream,
If you don't have a dream
How you gonna have a dream come true?

Talk about the boy sayin' to the girl:
"Golly, baby, I'm a lucky cause."
Talk about the girl sayin' to the boy:
"You an' me is lucky to be us!"

Happy talk, keep talkin' happy talk,
Talk about things you'd like to do.
You got to have a dream,
If you don't have a dream
How you gonna have a dream come true?

If you don't talk happy,
And you never have dream,
Then you'll never have a dream come true!