focus on the ...

I dreamt I was in a house, I lived in it with my boyfriend.  A mix of his ex girlfriends showed up as one person, walking around the house as if she owned it. I felt threatened and upset and that was turning to anger so I approached her to see what she wanted. It first it was defense vs defense, but then it turned into her explaining how she was miserable in the relationship due to this and that. We commiserated and all of the negative emotion melted away.

The bf showed up and I was sitting in the bathtub... clothed, but felt exposed or vulnerable. He was coming to say he was taking off to ski.

Then I was needing to get somewhere, almost to an office or work or an airport to get to work. I was running and it seemed I was running on a spiral of grass.... like a very very large structure of a path that spiraled up in the air and became wider as it went up. The path had stones, mossy stones, grass, streams, boulders and so on. I would start gaining speed and it would be fun, but then I would look down at the stones right in front of me and lose control of my footing and want to stop. I kept trying to run and it kept happening. I tried to remember what I was doing when it felt fun and good... I noticed I was not looking at where my feet were... but out in front of me at the next visual marker... a blade of grass, or a boulder, or.  I tried it again and it felt like I was flying.

Then I saw the ex girlfriend mix on the side with her father. All was ok with us and he seemed to help smooth it out even more. They had invited me to dinner as a peaceful gesture. I went from there to an airport. Sitting on a sofa with a towel, backpack and other items sprawled out. I saw two men looking for a place to sit near the gate, so I nodded to them and gathered my things so they could sit. This situation is a bit blurry. Some excitement for the trip, some unpreparedness feelings as well. Then a woman came out of the airplane entrance. She asked for some small favor from me and then handed me a free ticket that could be used to go anywhere. I was very appreciative. As she walked away, I had remembered that I had another ticket that was similar and was very excited thinking about my next trip.

Then I was at an office. An old exbf of mine was working there and had requested I visit. He looked well and was in a position he liked. I went to his office. It was quite the setup, nice lighting, furniture and a private bathroom. For some reason we both decided to stand in the bathtub. We looked each other in the eyes and it felt a bit comforting like coming home. We both could feel the exhale and embraced for a moment.

I left there and went to visit an old friend of mine and her mother. I was going to tell her about visiting my ex bf (JBDS). It was so nice to see both of them and then I mentioned to her mother about the father of the exgf. She was single so I mentioned that he seemed handsome and smart etc...

woke up with this song in my head - always look on the bright side of life

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...

...always look on the bright side
of life...
(Whistle)

Always look on the light side
of life...
(Whistle)

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle
- that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright
side of life...
(Whistle)

Come on.

Always look on the right side
of life...
(Whistle)

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain
with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the
audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance
anyhow.

So always look on the bright side
of death...
(Whistle)

a-Just before you draw your terminal breath...
(Whistle)

Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see its all a show, keep 'em laughin as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you

And...
Always look on the bright side
of life...
(Whistle)

Always look on the right side
of life...

C'mon Brian, cheer up

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Worse things happen at sea you know.

I mean - what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
- you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing.

Always look on the right side
(I mean) of life...

what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
- you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost?

Always (Nothing.) look on the right side of life...

Nothing will come from nothing ya know what they say?
Cheer up ya old bugga c'mon give us a grin!
There ya go, see!

Always look on the right side of life...
(Cheer up ya old bugga c'mon give us a grin! At same time)

There ya go, see!

Songwriters
ERIC IDLE

model shots

 I dreamt that I was in line with other models to get photo shots. It was dusk and we were all nude. I felt a bit odd in that my stomach was protruding like a balloon. I said they were taking shots as if I was pregnant. and let it go. I looked down and my stomach moved.. I saw feet and hands moving in my skin. I didn't know how it happened. I was half happy half not. I told someone passing that it could be aborted as if this wasn't meant to be. Then part of me was excited to have a little baby. 

Linen

I dreamt that TMB and I started a company. I'm not sure if it was fabrics or clothing, but it was a company based on work life balance. The building was surrounded by grounds and had a large park in the middle. People could go for walks on the paths to let their mind  have a break, or come with new ideas. There was a sense of play in the atmosphere, but also a sense that people cared about each other, the work and thriving as a whole. The people were all dressed in linen and I think that was the name of our company as well. It felt at one point like I was watching a small video about the company with employees laughing and splashing water at each other in the park. It was a bit cheesy as far as an advert goes, but the idea was nice. 

my lemon

I dreamt a a little baby girl was crying from just waking up. I went to pick her up hoping that I could do something to comfort her and she immediately giggled.

Then I'm with Gene Kelly. We are a couple and about to go to the museum, but he has to prepare first and shower.

We are in the living room, light yellowy marble on the floor, white furniture, and across there room there is a small hallway with a woman looking at herself in a mirror. In the living area before her, there is a painting on an easel. Gene looks to me and with a sparkle in his eye, he says watch and nods in the direction of the painting and the woman.   A piece of abstract art, like a person made of brown, black, gold and white polygons peels off the painting and start walking towards the woman. Gene watches in anticipation for her reaction of surprise.  It reaches out a line of an arm and taps her on the shoulder. She exclaims and laughs and turns to look at us. I'm waiting to see her face, but as she turns her face is polygons as well. But I am her and he is the polygon and we are both the humans and the abstract.. I think how fun to be both and play before the museum.

Then I see a classic painting or a bowl of mussels and clams, very large and beautiful blue and white shells. I start to prepare them and go to pick them up and the shells are soft like painted on canvas. I tell him how nice they are and start putting them on plate. He says.. but I like my lemon. I half ignore because it is easy enough and he can get the lemon. I continue to say how nice ...and he says but ...and I follow.. "I like my lemon." I turn to see he has it cut already and I have little forks. I turn back to the shell and say "I guess i'll have to get my own lemon," and I turn and he has just finished putting lemon on both of ours... we kiss.

blackberry candy

I dreamt that I was in a hummer type car. We were trying to get away from some people.
A Ferrari and two vans. Oddly the hummer seemed like a tight fit in the back where I was to sit and buckle up. I told them no way was I going to sit back there.  They let me move to the front and take the driver's seat which was much roomier. The crew I was with were all fun, adventurous and nice people.  There was a kitchen under the back part of the hummer, kind of like the space of a tank. One of the fellas had just cooked up some blackberry candy. He brought up a cutting board with some broken chunks of lavender and offered it up to me. I normally wouldn't eat the sugar, but I said ok to bond.

woke up with this song in my head - Just Remember I Love You

When it all goes crazy and the thrill is gone
The days get rainy and the nights get long
When you get that feeling you were born to lose
Staring at your ceiling thinking of your blues

When there's so much trouble that you wanna cry
The world has crumbled and you don't know why
When your hopes are fading and they can't be found
Dreams have left you waiting, friends have let you down

Just remember I love you and it'll be all right
Just remember I love you more than I can say
Maybe then your blues will fade away

When you need a lover and you're down so low
Start to wonder, but you never know
When it feels like sorrow is your only friend
Knowing that tomorrow you'll feel this way again

When the blues come calling at the break of dawn
Rain keeps falling, but the rainbow's gone
When you feel like crying but the tears won't come
When your dreams are dying, when you're on the run

Just remember I love you and it'll be all right
Just remember I love you more than I can say
Just remember I love you and it'll be all right
It'll be alright, it'll be alright, it'll be alright, well it'll be all right

play practice

I dreamt that I was with some people that were practicing for a play. I'm not sure if I was part of it, costumes/props/acting... but I knew I was supposed to be there as I didn't feel out of place. Although, I did feel like an observer.  I was watching people milling about below the stage and the sides working on things. The lead actor and actress were chatting and laughing. She was an actress from a while back, now in her late 60s or early 70s. She was still attractive, dark haired (well most likely with the help of a salon) and kept her petite figure. As I was watching, a tv screen kept bopping in and out of my vision. It was showing a clip of actors who had passed, one image fading into another with the year of 2009 fading in and out like a watermark. It would show a few male actors and then I would be watching play practice again. I wanted to see the total list. I was watching the actors again. There was a prop that was a boat. They were to sit in it and it was mechanized to tilt forward and backward as if floating over waves. He went to sit in the back... again the tv screen turned up.. showing the same list of actors that had passed with the year 2009.  I was back watching the actors and he was all situated in the boat on the back bench. She then got in to sit on the bench in front of him and they practiced with the movement ... and water, getting splashed with it.  I was thinking crazy these days all of the contraptions and props they use in plays and pondering whether simpler was better for a stage. I refocused on the actress and was a bit concerned due to her age... the movements of the boat were not gentle, and although she was in good shape, she still had the bones of an older woman. At one point she held her arms straight up and slid off the back of the bench to lean back on his, smiling the whole time. She seemed just fine,

I looked up 2009 ... and she did look a bit like this:
http://www.oldpasadena.org/blog/wp-content//2009/12/jenniferjones.jpg

Jennifer Jones - Actress (1919 - 2009)

rhino pup

I dreamt I received a new puppy. I say received because I did remember wanting one, looking for one, or purchasing one. I was walking down the sidewalk with two little dogs on leashes trailing behind. It seems I already had a dog.  I looked back to see what looked like a little white puff ball and a little gray puff ball bouncing along. They were not any breed that exists. I didn't get a good look at my original dog, which was the white one, but I did stop to look at the new pup. It looked like a baby rhino about the size of a cantaloupe. It's fur made it look sound and it was fuzzy and soft. It's little head which was rhino like had a small difference. It didn't have a horn on the tip of its snout, but instead it was on top of its head more like a unicorn. It was pretty adorable.  

little italy

I dreamt that I was in a place like Venice, but it was southern Italy. It was a busy small city with lots going on .. business, tourism, and some seedy bits with mafia and drugs. I hopped on a boat that was heading to my destination. I think that I was supposed to be attending a class. There were benches in the boat with small windows to see outside, with half of the boat exposed to open air. There were some men on there asking where to go out. They thought I must know of some places but I didn't. They kept pushing for information as if I was holding back.  Another girl mentioned to watch out and to be careful as they all could get into trouble if they entered the wrong club.

There was another boat attached to the back of this one, so I decided to jump to that one. It had no one on it and just a large white tarp covering most of it. I tapped it to see if I could walk on the tarp, but it was not taught. I decided to look under it and there were more people. No tourists... just the locals. I looked surprised and said oops! and they all laughed.

At some point we docked and I went on to my class.  I think I was a bit late and was looking for where to go. The building seemed small at first but then I saw that around the corner were escalators and stairs and many floors, almost like a large mall. I went to the escalator which then turned to a moving sidewalk that you had to jump off of to get to other escalators. It was kind of fun and I wanted to explore more.

it all turns out ok

I dreamt I was with my friend MB. He was driving and was preoccupied by something else. We were headed straight for a store that had its doors open. Like straight for it and about to hit it. I said "M!!! Stop! Look up!! We are about to run into this store!!" It was too late, he drove right in as he noticed what was happening, Somehow we made it in the store without hitting anything and he started backing out of it. We stopped to assess if anything happened to the car. When we got out to look at the hood, it was an old metal car for little kids to scoot around in. We looked for the car thinking we somehow got turned around and there were more little cars for children, paint worn off at different degrees.

Then it was evening. I was still in the store or around it. There was a warehouse type thing and??  I woke up snuggled up next to someone. I thought it was someone I wanted to be snuggled up to, but when I opened my eyes, through a haze I saw some other man. He wasn't someone bad, but I didn't like that I didn't know how I got there. I opened them again and it was a horrible man. I was wanting to run, but realized I didn't have the energy. Ugh... how did I do this to myself? He said "by the way, you were arrested last night etc."  I yelled no..... and started crying. But then I woke up and that was a dream in a dream. I was fine and everything would be ok. My life was ok. 

eventual path

I dreamt that I was on a train or tram on my way to a specific location. It was in Germany, Austria or Belgium, .. and knew I would pass by cute villages, rivers and flowers as it was spring. I had a specific place to go, but had never been there and the description was vague. I was to see a bridge, I envisioned with baskets of flowers hanging from it. Then once across the bridge, there would be a path to the left and an house at the end of that path.

I felt like I was on the train with others I knew... or at least was talking to. Or maybe I was just talking to myself, but I saw places that seemed like the right bridge or path, but they just didn't feel right.  I thought, what if that was the one... and I missed it, but I comforted myself in knowing that there would be another opportunity.

I got off at a stop finally and funnily, I saw no bridge or path, but it just felt right. I walked down along the road towards the town and met nice people, and there it was. The bridge and I could see the path to the left right across from it.

Then I was with TMB and SG from work. They were walking along looking at little food stands. We were all chatting. SG said... "so the other day, I gathered up a list of news stations, web sites, reporters and so on.. You know my brother went missing a month ago.  So I sent the list to my family letting them know I would contact them soon and see which ones would be willing to air the story. I cc:'d my brother on it just in case anyone was checking his email."  He paused and was expressionless, in a dry sort of way. He continued, "I got a response back... it was from my missing brother. He wrote, "I think it would have taken me more than a month to create that list." It turns out when I dropped him at the airport, I had sent him with his baggage, but his passport was in my briefcase. He has been stuck at an airport for a month and they didn't allow him to contact anyone."

petrified 3

I dreamt that I was laying on my side. I was awoken by what felt like my hair falling against my neck. I stopped to focus, to check for more movement. I felt more movement. It felt like scurrying.... was a mouse or a rat in my hair? I focused some more, then it felt like fingers scratching the back of my neck. I was petrified and couldn't move. 

petrified 2

I dreamt that I was sitting on a sofa near these very large windows. A friend of mine TMB and I were watching a storm. The clouds were swirling around. It was amazing to watch. At one point the cloud seemed form shapes and come towards the window. I was excited to see it, but then it turned into a hand shape that came from behind to get me. I couldn't move to escape it.

petrified 1

I dreamt that I was sleeping on my side, then felt something or someone pressed up against my back... I couldn't move.

conversations

I dreamt that I was at a movie theater. It seemed to be a nice one. The chairs were nice and had wooden arms and lots of space. I was sitting next to Bill Murray... although I'm not sure he was really him... the actor. More him had he not been the actor. I was in a fluffy white robe, which didn't seem strange and he was dressed normal. We both had a beverage and he had a cigar he was puffing on. I'm pretty sure we were on a date, because I had the feeling he had asked me, and that he had liked me, but as soon as we sat down, he seemed to ignore me. He would respond to questions... but wouldn't turn in my direction what so ever. I relaxed my arm for a moment and it touched his leg. I liked the feeling for a moment, but was now self conscious... I didn't want him to think I was hitting on him so I put it back on my lap.

I decided to get up and move to a table. I didn't need to sit through an awkward night. An older guy was there telling me about a car his uncle was going to give him. He was very excited as it was new, seemed to be able to drive on its own and self charge. It was smaller and seemed to be a bit of an economy car, but still nice.  Then there was another fella that started talking. He was K, a guy I work with. He was explaining something about work and then started drawing plans on the table. I quickly got a napkin and water to see if it would come off ok and it did, so I let him continue drawing.

The older guy started talking again. This time he won a new car and it was a luxury one. I'm thinking... but you just got a new car... what are you going to do with two? but just shrugged my shoulders.

instructor

I dreamt that I was in high school. I went to empty my locker. I had more than two file boxes worth of items to go through. How had I accumulated so much? It felt like I had been there for years and years, as I was looking through my things as if I hadn't seen them in a decade or more.  I found a pile of pee chees, each labeled by subject. I guess I had forgotten that I had organized things that way. Did I still need all of this or could I dump it. It felt heavy in weight and mind and I decided on the latter.

 It was the last day of school and I still had to take the final test before I could move on with my life. We all had to take a verbal test in front of the class. It felt a bit voluntary, either you spoke up or you didn't. Although I didn't feel like anyone would miss out on their chance. I saw a bunch of math equations on the board. I felt confident as I was very good at maths. The instructor sat in the back and observed. He was Alan Rickman.  Well, my instructor, not the actor. I took my shot and I guess I did well, although I felt as though it was a bit half-assed. I went to my seat in the back near him and he spoke to me. He went into my character, my talents, who he thought I was. It was moving to have someone understand you so well, flaws and all, and still appreciate you. We were connected.

He reached out for my hand and held it and asked if we could meet. It was as if the situation had taken over and I was no longer in charge of my body or voice. Of course it was yes. I went home and started to straighten everything. Scotch - check, port - I think check... glasses clean - check.  I was 18, my life was starting. I felt very prepared and very excited.

Then it seemed we were going to go on a bit of an outing. I was in the south of Europe some where, a bit hot, a bit serene. We walked over a hill to find a lake. One I had never heard of as if it was almost unknown to most. It thought of who I should share this with and decided maybe it was best kept a secret. There were some Italians there, some I knew. The water was beautiful, he was beautiful. 

easy life

I dreamt that I was in jail.  It seemed less like a jail and more like a like a ordained community.  We were still treated like people of society, but we had rules to follow and we all seemed to follow them to a T.  We had classes to take, times to be here and there. I heard some people talking. Bill Murry was in jail too with us. I guess he would get in trouble by choice because he wanted to return. He found life easier in jail, less to think about.  His jail mates would do his laundry, get him food, treated him like a god.

freedom

I dreamt that I had two boys, 2 and 4 years old.  I had a partner that I wanted nothing to do with... It actually felt worse than a prison, because I had made the choice to begin it all.  I felt obligated to my choice. But I felt like I would rather have death than be in that relationship. The person wasn't so horrible, but I couldn't be there anymore. Then there were the children... I initially felt like he  couldn't take them.. they should be mine.  I didn't want to live without them, I loved them so much. But I didn't want his influence on them ...  Then I recognized the life I would have, visitation, decisions, coordinating and I felt angst and trapped. I didn't want this life. I didn't want to have to be tied to him, to schedules, to ...   My mother had me over to talk about things... I knew where it was going... a list of everything I "should" do... I didn't want any of it. It was a nightmare. 

discomfort

I dreamt that a older fella was laying in my bed in a suit. He seemed regal, mustache, overcoat, cain.  It was a studio apartment, so the bed was more like a piece of furniture. That part wasn't odd. I noticed blood coming from his ear. It was about to go all over my white duvet. I felt a moment of tension, then let it go. It could be cleaned or replaced. What this man was going through was more... I think he was at the end and knew it. I could feel his mind running through his memories and letting go.