ok... what a weekend

Started Friday w/ a Tango concert which I thought was going to be part music part dance performance. Turned out to be alllllll tango music w/ a tango opera. Could have passed on the tango opera but the rest was pretty good.

Then I went w/ my friend Melissa to Higgins (local restaurant/bar)... ran into my exbf's parents (hid behind melissa most of the time) ... and we split a chocolate cake in olive oil drissle w/ olive jam... crazy sounding, but good.

oh... and I've not had my car now since last Tuesday (was supposed to go to nyc, but cancelled to save vacation days for a visitor in March/April - which now might also be cancelled)... so I put my car in the shop. It has been really nice going car free. I've been fortunate to have no rain though, so I'm sure when that comes, it won't be as fun to be bop around the city by foot and transit. It has been ok so far besides the riding home after the Tango thing. A guy sat behind me and kept pulling on my hair... grrrrr. But I did forget how much I like to go on long walks, very nice.

Went to a wedding Saturday night. Was very nice and not such a production as most (thank god). Was small and wonderful. Although I wish I had someone that I cared about there. Usually it is fun to be single at events like that but when you care about someone, it can feel a little empty.

Sunday was a zombie for a bit (champagne at the wedding)... then went for a nice cold brisk walk outside around the river. Saved the day.

Was hit on at the wedding by some??? well.. a nice enough guy but sheesh ... couldn't stop bragging about how much money he makes, his italian suits etc. and so on.. What a waste of a human life... hopefully he breaks out of it someday.

Oh! and on a anti my goals - note... I bought a headboard!!!!! Soooo excited. I haven't had a headboard since I was a kid. Just something about it that feels secure (besides not losing your pillows between the bed and wall from the hollywood bed frame rolling around). Also bought a chair for the livingroom. :-s I need to eat ramen now for the next few months.

2007 - Day 26 - dreams - empty brain stuff

ok.. dream about my dog I think?? my brother made these cartoon looking dogs, kind of big and would sit them outside and some old lady walked by and talked to it. Then I went out side and my dog (that I used to have) sophie ran up to me.. In my dream she was someone else's. She turned on her back and let me pet her belly and that was it.

-

ok.. mind dump

stressed

not sure which way to go next...

what is on my mind

card idea... have had it a while... brother sent me link of someone doing something similar, but not as good and not w/ the intended feelgood purpose.. do I do it? hmm

seniors getting shoved off to retirement homes/centers/small communities instead of being part of communities, we are losing history, learning, sharing, etc.. just doesn't feel right, how to fix...

design job.. wanted to do design (clothing) all my life... but then it felt not involved enough... like it is superficial.. found a job in w/ a company I like a lot that I qualify for even though I haven't been in the design world... will apply for.. but not sure it is right for me anymore...

anyone else reading this thinking this gal really thinks too much and maybe should just work.. eh? ;)

going to a wedding tomorrow night should be fun

found a headboard on sale... don't "have" to have it... but have always wanted one (haven't since I left home).. and it is on sale... :) and matches... like a GOOD sale.. hmmmm

can pay off car this week... would be smarter to put money on running crcardbill.. but I will always carry a balance on it.. so maybe just get rid of car debt.

ummm.... need to finish this book I've been reading for too long ;) good book.
but have more coming and don't want to get too behind and have guilt books looming over me ;)

arlighty...

someone just came by to say hi and I know he will cheer me up...

end of blog for today ;)

Day 25 - dreams - bridal shower

Day 24 dream
umm should have written this down yesterday...??
something in a house, my mother and father (who have been divorced since I was born) had been in a fight of sorts .. mom pushed his buttons and he had had it... ??

another part trying on clothes in a dept. store, but the dressing room shutter blinds wouldn't stay shut, nor would the door and there was a line of ladies right outside the door, then I looked for some solution and I went through another door w/ some other women. Some sales ladies walked in and moved some walls around and it turned into this beautiful room with dark wood collumns etc...

all I can recall a the moment

Day 25 dream
First I was dating some guy.. seemed to have it going on, but something seemed false. Like he was standing on not so steady ground. We were staying at some resort, fancy hotel, golfing, water, etc. He was leaving or? but some how I "broke-up" with him either by not going with him or leaving him. I was walking the resort grounds and ran into his friends (man & wife) and they told me it was a good thing I didn't go with him, he was an alcoholic and full of "it."
Then I'm walking with my dad and step mom and they want me to see this water feature at the resort. I guess it is amazing (mind you we've been walking through water tunnels etc. seeing neat underwater features). For this feature you either have to hold your breath under a tunnel while swimming for a long ways or scuba (I'm not licensed)... so I passed.

Later dream - I was with a robot. It was a guy robot (had a man's voice/personality), all silver, basic human shape and lips that moved. It was acting more human than robot which kind of scared me so I pushed a button to turn it off. It shut down and then came back on 2 seconds later. I did it again.. same thing happened.. Then it talked to me and gave me the idea it liked me and it wanted a kiss. I'm thinking.. ok, what is the harm, it is metal, it will just be quick, etc... so then it kisses me and somehow can kiss good (who woulda thunk). and I pull back and am in shock. Then I close my eyes and open them and there is this huge blubbery guy in front of me... like.. man breasts, massive belly w/ no shape as to wear the waist line would have been. He had a full shirt tattoo that was brightly colored with green leaves and red flowers and petals and vines. It was 3D in a way in that the leaf would poke out on the edges like he had things inserted under his skin for the effect. :-s Then he started telling me that he had lost a lot of weight and he showed me a picture of his sister (who was a large girl, but w/ some shape). He said on the island they get treated better than at home (I'm assuming the u.s.). He said the island natives are generally large, so he doesn't feel so out of place here...
Then I woke up.

_____

Ok.... wedding shower last night for the fastest planned wedding. Was done in 2 weeks (flowers, decor, etc. still not done). I had purchased these beautiful glasses years back, just two. They were quite spendy, so my excuse was that if I ever got married, they would be our toasting glasses. Well, after one of my many move, the movers killed that idea and broke one. Sooooooo ... bride to be says .. "we are not going to do a unity candle, but someone told us the idea of pouring two glasses of wine into one and then drinking from the same glass... we just need to find a glass. Ta Da!!!! Anyhoo.. I'm glad it can be used for its somewhat original purpose. :)

2007 - day 23 - dream and stuff

Ok.. had some mixed up dreams...

There was about three that sort of linked together. In each of them, I was in or near buildings that were all natural wood color.. not fresh light pine, but dark wood, like one was inside a barn, another inside a house or?? and another I was at some school grounds and the buildings were all made of dark wood/stone/brick and lots of trees around and warm cloudy days.

The barn one I was looking at this barn that my dad and step mom were in. it had high ceilings, good light, unfinished etc. I told them if they ever wanted to sell it, to let me know because I would love it. She was hanging up fancy dresses, not sure what my dad was doing.

Another I was in this house or ?? buidling.. again unfinished wood inside. There was an older man there I think our teacher of sorts. Other people were there like three others and I'm not sure who they were. He had some treats on the counter.. fruit tarts, and.. old fashioned types of treats. He was teaching us something with a compass I think?? we were near water. Not sure

The last I was on some old campus grounds... the grounds's trails were hard dirt between grass and leaves. Lots of old trees, little buildings here and there. We were suposed to go on some trip on a bus and go buy or register for the tickets at the campus church.. which was this very old church. It all had a cozy feel, very nice. A guy I went to school with (like Jr. High through High School) was in my dream. He was one of those quiet guys, really nice, smart etc.. got lost in the social shuffle of popularity and nonpopularity. Anyhoo, I had a crush on him when I was about 12. So in my dream he walks up to me to see if I'm going to go buy my ticket. Kind of a checking in to see if we both are on track. It was a nice cozy feeling. The innoccent kind of just having a nice friend around.

:)

Ok.. back to reality of noncozy. I peeked at jobs and saw the lists occupations I'm perfect for (experience-wise) and it made me nauseous. I don't want to stay in what I'm doing. I don't think I have enough motivation left in me to fake it anymore.

Soooo... hmmmm

2007 - day 20 - dream

Was in community kitchen…. Supposed to go back to room
They wanted me to throw a foam thing across into the main dining room (like a restaurant)
I’m staying at some boarding place. I’m new
They are nice and I am comfortable for the most part. I know I normally wouldn’t be w/out my privacy but some things like having meals cooked and people to say hello to is nice.
At one point I’m looking for a little black girl who I’m responsible for or is mine.. I ask someone behind a kiosk in another area.. asking if she has seen a mouse around dressed like mini… I find her.. I sit her down and tell her I have found her some lunch (my lunch that I didn't eat)… a burrito or a wrap of some sort and I wrap it in tissue and netting so she can hold it w/out it spilling everywhere.

- - - - -- - -
The sun looks super pretty this morning... reminds me of something, not sure what. Well.. the blue sky w/ the clouds. I'll have to get out of the house today. My shoulder is out so can barely move it, right side. Hmmm

Maybe a good day for a walk on Alberta, check out the new shops etc. I need to get away and figure out what to do next. I've got 6 months to plan and maybe figure something out... :-s

2007 - Day 15

ok.. I'll insert a dream I had then continue

I was in jail.. each inmate had one bag of posessions... one guy had a duffle of clothes, car keys etc. I was rooming w/ the blond guy from "thank you for not smoking." My mom came to visit and she mentioned that I should be watching my weight. In the dream she was pretty heavy herself and 6' tall (in reality she is 5'2"). Jail was comfortable, not like nice... but emotionally comfortable and I was seeing my cell mate who was quite a sweety.

Another part of the dream.. Allen (a guy that was a neighbor of a good friend of mine over a year ago, who I had a crush on pre-meeting, then found he was into renaissance fairs and 24/7 video gaming). He wanted to sell organic dog food, no fillers, made from real food etc. He was trying to raise money for it. I think I had to write several papers then I said that I would help him
ralley at dog parks to tell people about it to see if they were excited... they were.

____

Ok, on with day 15. It is Monday, after a semi-3-day weekend. I was told at 8:50 a.m. on day 12 that I was getting RIF'd (reduction in force). I would have done the same, I barely had enough to keep me busy. So I have 6 months to find something else (not bad really). I spent day 12-14 not thinking about it. I just let myself enjoy not stressing about what my boss might put on my plate when I was going to tell her (pre-rif-ing) that I needed more to do.

So that is it for now. Mind is open.. not sure what I'll do next... ;) First a trip to NYC that was already planned...

2007 day 5... dream... hiding, leaking burning house

ok.. so last night's dream

was in a bathroom stall.. cowering.. I had it locked.. feet up on the seat... clasping my purse.. someone was knocking at the door.. It was as if I just became conscious. Like I was drunk and out of it and now just realized where I was but not sure why. I then had a flash back of someone trying to get to me, me running to my car trying to get safe in time... then it not working and running to some public restroom and locking the outside door as well as the stall. When I came out of the restroom the man was there. He had broken into my car searching for something ... I ran.. ended up at some house. I'm not remembering much about this part. I know there were other people there, a female who owned the house.. it was "creative" in its decor... lots of missing walls, ceilings dripping.. etc.. the man was still after me/us (there was a guy there too, another - keep me safe - kind of guy) we set the house on fire so that some ? evidence wouldn't be there and so we could run out.. and tell the insurance adjuster... who just happened to be there as well... nice lady.

___

Still can't seem to wake up in the morning. I even came home last night and went straight to cleaning up my place (usually if my place is a mess, I don't want to "be" there so don't get up all perky). House feels better. but something still doesn't feel right. It is a .. need to break away from old habits, patterns, things, .. feel.. and move on to other things.. But maybe like getting rid of a tooth that is just hanging by a string.. you know you don't want it there.. but it hurts to pull it.

2007 - Day 4 - dream

Dream from last night...
Was on some sort of race, but through a town/village. A running race, in street clothes, had a purse over my shoulder, etc. I know I was ahead for the most part and doing well. At one point I stopped (can't remember why) and was slowed a bit.. I needed shoes or?? something. This young fella, blondish with a beard (kind of bohemian, NW outdoorsy) was helping me with supplies. He was very kind, looked down at me and said: "you know I'm am here for you anytime you need something." Was a nice feeling for a sec... then I went off running again and realized I took the wrong route that would set me back a bit and put me on the other side of a river from the race. I ran and hopped on this small wooden ferry and just made it. There were three blond women on there who were saying things to me that were very rude/hurtful etc. The seemed like rich girls, covered in nice clothes, blond streaks, machine tanned, eyeliner and bleached teeth. They were so mean and I felt they were going to create some sort of small hell for me so as I ran by, I pushed two of them in the river :-s and then ran past the next one.. then I woke up. I know there was more to it, but can't remember at the moment.

___

I need to get myself sorted. I have been ping ponging, which usually means there is something I'm not taking care of. Car is working, taking care of health (exercise, nutrition, etc.), everything is done at work so I'm thinking it must be a planning thing, what do I do next with my life.. what do I want.. and so on.

Also.. part of me feels like getting rid of the old to make room for the new. IE... I have lots of "things" that have memories to them.. do I keep them? Sometimes I think I'd feel so free if I didn't have all that. Sometimes I feel like it is proof that I have been here or a representative of my life so far. Hmm not sure. Getting rid of this stuff isn't like cutting your hair ... the stuff won't grow back. I need a time capsule company that will hold all my items like that... just in case I ever get married, have kids, grandkids ... and they want to know about grandma. Maybe write a secret novel as well.. that they can only read after I'm gone. ;)

ok.. back to work I suppose...

Oh! signed up for a tap class - starts next week - updates on that later
and a speed reading class... was bored
and at some point can update on the trip to UK . I can't call it a vacation. It was a "trip" .... head trip, travel trip, etc.

2007 ... day 3

Day 3... got up at 4 a.m. , went back to bed, got up again.. had some strange dreams

first one - started w/ being at someone's house. lot of adult women, strong personalities. A little girl was there ... playing.. I was her sometimes, not her sometimes... a cat got caught in a tree but was wrapped up in spider webs/moth cocoon webs... no one wanted to get past all the gunk to save it..felt bad for it but that is it at one point. One of the adult woman was looking for a sock? or wrist band or something the little girl lost.. was looking for it and kind of expected me to have answers for her of its where abouts.. I looked for it too.. it was more to get the woman on her way and away from me and somewhat for recognition/approval. Found the wrist band and gave it to the woman.. no response/approval etc. Then the cat was the little girl... so she was stuck up in the web muck and couldn’t get out.. they interchanged a lot (cat to girl to cat).. but then something bad was coming for the cat.. like a tree alligator (remember, this is a dream) and the cat fought itself out.
Then a continued dream.. I was talking to this guy (who actually works in my building, never have spoken to him before or anything.. so not sure why he is in my dream). There were nice feelings there... we liked each other. He took me for a drive to go get something and I saw two guys I went to high school with (also guys I never had a class with or knew or spoke to)... they were in jeans, cowboy hats, moving hay stacks. They looked at us and said.. well look at the two (insert home town here)ians... . Felt sort of embarrassed like we had never left our hometown..
Then I was in a house.. my mom was trying to take me to some doctor... something was wrong with me.. or so she thought... he would say.. well you are feeling this way so we should do "abc" and I said.. no.. I'm not feeling that way. Doctor : "When you worked at Jones Farm didn't..." Me: "I never worked at Jones Farm." He was like some mental/experimental ?? something doc. He was trying to corner me into saying something that would allow him to either do something to me.. or give me drugs.. either of which would incapacitate me. He picked up a moth and placed it on the door jam which I was walking through (it was some sort of magical way of making me stop).. Didn't work, I didn't believe in his magic I guess. So that was that.. I remember some other female in the dream that was nice though.. kind of a feminine, nurturing type of person with long hair and a floral dress.
____
so... besides that.. sitting at work with not much to do.
____
2007 day 2
Umm was bored at work with not much to do, so I signed up for a speed reading class and a tap dancing class. Went to 2 aerobics classes and was kind of low energy.
____
2007 day 1
Was a good day. Went to a morning aerobics class that was hilarious. There was a short pigtailed redhead leading the class with a booming low voice and she parntered with a very tall, larger brunette with a bit of a lisp. They were sooo funny and what a great way to wake up.
Went shopping later, went to a fun grocery store and bought some fun juice (acai w/ cacao) and ostrich burger.
I rearranged my place - may have finally found "the" spot for my couch. Did some sketching.. which I might paint later. Watched a movie "Friends with Money." And read a bit.
____
2006 Last day
Hmmm went for a drink w/ a friend... was FREEZING outside. Went home, watched DaVinci Code... in bed before midnight. Was actually just right.

The school of House Guest

the house guest

Although he was quite a handful and lots of drama... I did learn a lot from this experience. Not just to not take in a random stranger who is down on his luck... but I learned things from observing him... and traits that I was critical of him on I could see in myself in a milder sense... but they were still there.... pot/kettle/black (pkb)...

Some great things about him ... he is a fun loving person.. not meaning his drinking and partying. He is a very enthusiastic person, wants to share experiences, his enthusiasm, his excitment. He knows how to just have fun, be goofy and let go (something I could use improvement on).

He also has a good heart... just does't always use it.

He is a smart guy... if he would just put a little effort into himself, his life.. he could really do something... but he doesn't.. He is into the instant gratification bit. This is where I learned something about myself. I may do ok for myself at a level I have considered "comfortable"... but ... I'm am smart and talented ... if I pushed myself more.. and didn't settle for just comfortable, I might be able to do something more with my life as well. pkb

dreams, dear-ness and drama

dream
ok... night before last I had another naked dream. what is up w/ that?
I was in another nice home (architecturally) w/ lots of bare wood, windows, high peaks, vaulted ceilings etc... in the woods or something and there was another home just up a hill from me that could basically look right in to mine. People came over for a dinner or something, all nude again, and my exbf (in the dream) lived up in the other house and was watching. :-s

dear-ness
We have some mentally challenged folks that work in my building. They work in the basement (they stuff envelopes next to the mailroom... we don't keep them in the basement under lock and key or anything). On my way to lunch, a couple of the guys and a girl were on the elevator w/ me yesterday. The one fella (late thirtiesish) said to the other.. "you know Tom....? you are my bessst friend." The other one replied... "I know.. you are mine too... I thought about you yesterday." It was the sweetest thing. I was all warm and fuzzy inside all of lunch. Just being open and nice... no ego, no fear .. anyhoo.. was sweet.

drama
alcohol... mixed with house guest... such bad news. I'm moving him out today at lunch. He got very?? well.. yelling, fighting (verbally) and then physical. I kept feeling like I was just watching a movie, like "I can't be part of this.. this isn't real right?" I should have put my foot down a while ago.. but I have zero tolerance for the physical bit. Soooo.. :) will have my place back this weekend. :)... get my rugs Tuesday, get my life back before my trip. :)

All-in-all... a good experience really.. seeing how someone can blame their circumstances... and never get past it.. not see what they do have... and just throw it away day by day... Good lesson.

Quit ur bi$%#*'n

Ok... I think I have used up my license to bitch on here.. and frankly it is getting me down. Let alone that is not the only thing that is going on in my head...

Last night (and this is going to sound like bitching.. but just listen)... the "guest" came home after drinking 5 drinks (10 shots). Then continued to drink about 10 more shots. I decided to just let go and watch. I don't know if you have ever drank before to where you do something stupid, get the blues .. or some other negative thing happens that makes you say.. "never again, I'm not touching alcohol." Well, I have, but it usually comes from feelings of guilt, embarrassment, etc. and when you do go to that next event and choose not to drink.. there (at least for me) have been times where there is some remorse, feelings of being left out, boredom and maybe even a dash of self pity for not being able (even though it was my choice) to join in on the "fun."

Last night I wasn't part of the drinking.. I was just an observer. He wanted to keep drinking so I just watched.. had to do a little babysitting here and there (drunk loud person, quiet neighbors, new white couch), but otherwise I just watched. I have never felt so good as I did last night about not drinking. He was so... out of it, emotional, smelly, animalistic in his behaviors (bodily functions, movements, etc.)... it actually made my stomach turn. It was really sad and sickening to watch. I was looking at a person who has/had potential.. and was throwing it away shot by shot. An amazingly good looking guy who was anything but attractive. Anyhoo.. that was the glass half full version of having the house guest.

- - - - - -
Last night's dream ( I need to start writing these again so I remember them):

We (friends curtis, emily, lil, sean, ken) were all at some ??? retreat/library/?? some building w/ different rooms, books, nice architecture etc... lots of windows, wood, corridors w/ trees. My mom was there for some reason but for work... She just popped in the dream at the beginning and was gone. Then I was in a room w/ red couches, cushions (all warm colors) etc.. and wood walls and Ken came over because he wanted to see this cartoon dragon video game. He thought the dragons were cute and they made him laugh. Then I went to where the rest of them were.... and they were kind of having a ?? cocktail party - old school, mod hanging lamps, shag carpet, abstract art on the paneled walls, emily was picking out records to listen to and everyone was nude... but it was "normal" in the dream (as in no gasping or covering of the body parts going on). Anyhoo... not sure what it all meant, but a cozy dream all-n-all. It was nice "seeing" them all again. ;)

He is moving!!!!

Wow do I feel better. I actually was concerned about him being homeless. Yahoo!
Happy dance city!!! :D

20 days

20 days until house "guest" leaves
20 days until I leave for UK

I've learned some more stuff re: ... "helping" people...
some things I knew.. but maybe didn't practice all of the time, like...
* if you give... expect nothing in return... not appreciation, respect, nothing... or you will be frustrated.
* only give what you really know you can handle giving... or again... you will be frustrated
* if you give... do not expect change... do not expect the help to have "worked," do not expect it to really "help" ... or .. you get it. ;)

and a biggie.. don't give to someone who is a slacker/feels the world owes them ... mind you, you will not always know this ahead of time, but try and figure that out if at all possible. ;)

And just because you may see some good in someone ... doesn't mean that they will be.

Oy...oy oy

So if I can get through the next 20 days w/out having a heart attack.. I will be a happy camper.

This trip hopefully will be a breather of sorts, although I'll be running all over the place... we'll see. I think I'll only get a couple of 1/2 days solo. I really need some time to myself, but hopefully I will get that when I get back... and if I can successfully avoid the "guest"... then I can breath easy. Then off to my next adventure.. whatever that is.

Ok.. I get it...

I think the universe is throwing me all its got to teach me a lesson.

Lesson being... don't bend over backwards for people... there is never a need to do that. We are all adults... can take care of ourselves and can be responsible. I wouldn't ask anyone to bend over backwards for me... and if they did.. I surely would be greatful, respectful and find a way to thank them that they would appreciate.

I have had the double whammy of helping out my ex-roommate.. to where he wanted even more.. and criticized the help he did get.

And the neighbor who I am helping only because of the foibles my exroommate created.. and now he is whining.

I want my life back. He is a bull in a china cabinet. My life happens to be the china cabinet right now. He spends all his money on cigarettes and having a "good time" ... hasn't started looking for another place to live... doesn't even have money for food etc.. oy oy oy. Helping that kind of person isnt' helping him. Just prolongs his behavior which will probably never change. He is the grasshopper in aesop's fable. :-s... ok.. I need to work.

Got the keys!!! :D

Ok.. keys in hand.. just counting the minutes to quitting time so I can start moving some stuff.

Had a great workout this morning. I think it helped that the snorer spent the night somewhere else last night. I got a full nights sleep in my own bed. :)

I've been shopping for area rugs. We have to cover 70% of the floors w/ rugs to protect the wood. Man.. tough job. Spending that much on something that you really don't think about. I don't want a boring rug.. although it would be practical.. Just they are sooooooo yawn. I don't want to go to crazy either.. then it will get dated and what a waste of dough. And I don't want to go oriental/persian.... oy.

So neighbor boy has fallen off the face of the earth today. He offered to help me to move since he'll be staying at my place... hmmm... wonder if he is still going to help. Might have to hire people last minute or something. :-s The plus of that is.. I will keep the king size futon I bought for him as a thank you for helping me move. :) and.. that would also mean he found a new place to stay (I hope, I hope, I hope). :D

1 hr 5 minutes...

changing room mirrors...

oy... I just went bra shopping. I need to instal mirrors in my place so I can see myself at a different angle more often. I think if I did.. I would be much more motivated to say... never touch a baked good again. Egads!!! I need to lose weight and quickly..

Yes, I'm exercising etc.. but maybe I need to do more. I can do the 5:30 workouts in the morning and then distance jogging at night or?? (for calf demasculinity purposes). I could do sprints/jump rope too but that will just do the calf thing again..

then the food... I was doing great.. rice protien, vegies, fruits and salmon.. then I packed my stuff.. and... hung out w/ my beer drinking neighbor (vice)...

so ... only water as a liquid, vegies, fruits, fish, quinoa, rice protien. :-s This must be fixed. ;)

day 13 of bootcamp and 3 more days until I move!

A lot has happened in the last few days.. I've worked out a ton... doesn't show on the scale but does in my shape and what I can fit into (and the pain in my muscles). ;)

My roommate has been possessed by a demon.

My neighbor seems to think we should be a couple and live together...

And due to having my plate full (I think...) I really don't have any pull in any direction.

So.... bootcamp... been fun.. but my calves are threatening masculinity... If I don't stop, they may not fit in my boots. Other parts of me are definitely changing for the better though and getting stronger. :) I'm liking the early morning workouts under the stars too. I might go for one more month of this.. then I might need to switch to a pilates trainer or something.. can't do big calves.

Roommate... I think either out of being stressed on his new home purchase.. or that his purchase sealed the deal w/ a new found bf... but he has gone over the top. I tried to help him and a neighbor by linking the two... (matt didn't want to pay the rest of his lease.. plus his new house payment... neighbor wanted our apartment)... Quite the perfect match, don't ya think? The only risk.. I.. (not my roommate or neighbor).. had to risk staying on the lease (so be on two leases) so that the neighbor could get the apartment... and Matt could get some rent. So what is so bad about that?? My roommate thought I must be getting something out of this.. squeazing money out of somewhere.. and away from him. I wouldn't be doing this just to be nice or anything... So since this thought of his.. there have been name calling, accusations, threats, flying coffee cups... all from him to me. Even going to the neighbors as well as the apartment manager and spreading the evil news about myself.. as well as bringing down the neighbor.. boy.. I could go on.. but.. why? Bottom line I move this weekend. :) Unfortunately due to roomie's words re: the neighbor.. he had decided not to move in (which is good since I don't have to be on two leases now).. but is bad because now he is homeless for Oct. and I STUPIDLY offered him a place to stay. Why stupid?? why not just nice and thoughtful?? Well.. he is kind of a handful.. nice guy sure... just never has money, food, etc... is very loud (including late night snoring.. that pierces through walls, floors and ear plugs). I haven't had a good night sleep for 3 nights.. and won't until the 29th of Oct. unless he finds a place soon. Cross your fingers for me.

So.. the no pull in any direction... normally I hate my job so much that I can't stand it.. but for now.. for lately... I've just detached. I workout, work, go home.. see friends... zzzzzz Mind you I have been focussed on paying off debts, selling things, packing, finding a place to live, dealing with roommate, working w/ neighbor... and so on... so I've been busy.. let alone I'm in a zombie state lately due to lacking zzz's ... so maybe that is it.

Trip is a little more planned out now (gasp)... I actually know-ish where I will be on what days and even have things like ferry tickets purchased.. Quite a change from the usual for me.

So.. on the horizon.. move, settle, find new workout thang, travel, pay off travel as well as rest of old debts... sell car?? :-s... or.. and then see what is next.. not sure. :) I'll do some wishful/hopeful thinking.

bootcamp - Day 2

Ok.. I realize I missed day one.. (on here)..

so day one - got there on time... some jogging, pushups, etc. etc...

day 2 - sprints, jump rope, lunges, backward bends, plank position, etc..

totally energized after class and then was a zombie by afternoon.. but found out via some blood tests I'm low in iron - which is why the lethargy... so once that is fixed up... should be good.

Really feeling the shoulders and waist. Not much in the legs (but I've been doing the stairs for a while now).

----

other stuff:

moving now at the end of sept. :D... the neighbor guy might take over our lease so... that worked out well.

excited....

Have lots of changes I think...


bootcamp... +
think I figured out what turns my crank.. and what might be a good career for me ++++++
moving... ++
paying off debts +++
dad and I had a good talk (nice) ++
told mom some scary news and she was supportive and not all me me dramaesque +
find out results of test re: scary news soon +++
hair is brown (good for a change) +
got some GREAT boots + (shallow but hey...)
plans got more settled for me trip.. which isn't so bad for a change +
and boy oh boy can't wait to move... :D +++