letting go

I dreamt that I was the girlfriend of a very wealthy man, billionaire type.  It felt like a new relationship, but I felt very comfortable with him. I knew he loved me with everything and I him. It was kind of a different feeling for me to be with someone who would take care of everything. I have never had that feeling, well, since I was a child maybe... but even then, I knew decisions were based on limits of money, or rules and so on. This feeling... the world is my oyster feeling, was new. He had a large smile, dark hair that was long like a lion's mane, and somewhat weathered skin, but his energy was what you noticed. He was sure ... He wasn't a bouncy optimist, he had an edge to him, a focus. It was magnetic and repelling at the same time.

I was in his bedroom, which was more than just a bedroom. There was a huge entry room where his armoires and chests of drawers were, along with a sofa, lamps and so on. It was more of a living room with clothing. His assistant was there, a middle aged man that felt like more of his friend, confidant, but also servant. He would do anything he asked, and seemed to do it out of love and respect than for duty. Since I was the other half, he loved me too and was there to help me with anything, including how to best get along with this man.

He asked his assistant to paint two antiques black. He had just had them shipped to him and they were amazing to look at. They had inlaid wood and an amazing design on the interior. I pleaded for him not to paint this design. They were one of a kind pieces that he was going to basically destroy why they were so precious. The assistant smiled at me as if I was a child that was persisting that we leave cookies out for Santa. So naive ...  He seemed to love to experience someone learning about the oddities of his cherished master. In the end, he stained them a darker color. I thought it made me feel better because the design would still show through. But what really did it was just letting go.

lizard lake

I dreamt that I was in some odd indoor lake. It seemed natural, with dirt, rocks, plants and animals, but there were walls and a ceiling. You had to pay an entry fee as well. I was there with a girl friend, maybe a couple near my age, although we were all in our teens in the dream. She was a bit of a trouble maker. Doing inappropriate things, etc. She was just someone to hang out with, but there was always a feeling of unease around her that I don't understand why I was hanging out with her at all. She was just company I suppose. My mother was there too. She felt to me like sternness. No lightness, no fun. I was in the water and then noticed there were two large lizards across on the other beach. Large as in the size of a hippo. They were bright yellow with dark green markings and looked like they could eat any of us. I think one was the mother as the other one looked young. I wanted to leave, so we all got our towels and headed towards the turnstile.  Something felt off, I didn't want to be there, although part of me thought it was fun to be out, I didn't want to be who I was with, but part of me just wanted the company. I was split.

modern antique

I dreamt that I was talking with a gal who is writing a book (d). I asked her how it was going and she showed me a tiny beta/vhs type tape. It had the old clunkiness of a beta tape but it was about 2"x2"x1" and in that old computer beige color, but shiny. It was kind of cute, kind of handy, but I said I can't believe they are making these with the tape and the mechanical issues?? But they were the latest thing.

underwater flying

I dreamt that I was in a room that was under water, but I could be in the water just fine. It was pretty, freeing and a bit magical to be able to be there and float around. Then I was with some people in a room that was outside. There were 4 walls, grass on the ground and a tree and no ceiling. A man said to come with him, as he was going to show me something. I felt privileged. He took me to what looked like a small plane, but really small... cartoon small. It was just enough room for me to sit and there were wings and two controls. At first I thought he was going to fly me around, but then he got in his own plane. I asked... "is someone else going to control this from the ground?"  He said no, I would control the plane, it was ok, I would learn. So I got in mine, he in his and we started flying. It was wonderful. I loved how small and agile it was. I was flying without effort. Then I started thinking... I was concerned. How do I turn left, right, slow down, stop?  I had been doing this without a thought, but as soon as I thought about it, the plane stopped and fell to the ground. I wasn't hurt, but I wasn't flying.

Then I dreamt that I was with my mother at her home. It felt bad. I felt controlled and disliked. I was packing up my things and was trying to find which clothes fit. Some beautiful wool pants were way too large... I decided to give them to her. Why had I kept them? They were too short with heels, a warm color that wasn't me... but I had kept them knowing they were appreciable I suppose... something worth something just not for me..

Then I was out at the coast on a trip with my dad, step-mom and brother. We were on our way when I saw an ex (JBDS). He was in the grocery store. He was older, heavier... I wanted to say hi. I had flowers in my hand and was on my way and I started doubting the idea. My step mom said.. you should go... as if.. this is your chance, this was not a fluke... go say hello.  I ran into the grocery store and caught up with him and was excited and nervous, knowing he could just brush me off. I said hi how are you and he just looked at me, kind of with disappointment on his face. I apologized and said I would go. He clarified and just was disappointed in our history, in the inevitability of our not being able to do anything about our now.. It was bitter sweet.

arches

I dreamt that I was hugging a guy from behind. It felt nice and cozy.

Then I noticed I had one foot that had an arch and the other was flat.  I realized before this moment, it was the other foot that had an arch and the other was flat.  I now had opposite issue.  For some reason it felt exciting because it was a new issue instead of the old one.

furniture and bunk mates

Last night I dreamt that I was living in a house with about 5 other people. Three women and three men. It was almost as if I was in college, we had something in common in that way. The house was painted red, sort of an older house with things finagled around to work. There was only one large bedroom where we all slept. The bunk bed were three stories high, men on one side, women on the other. Two closets to be shared by all. It seemed nice though as apposed to cramped. It was because we all liked and or "got" each other. I was going to go out with KW. He had asked and it sounded like fun. I was going to jump in the shower but then I heard he had a phone call. His best friend asked him to a movie at The Mission, so he was going to cancel. Then  girl walked in as if looking to move-in. I thought I would tell her all of the oddities... no sink in the bathroom, no private room, etc. etc. to see if she could fit easily there.

Then I dreamt I was outside somewhere. I saw a women with her two children moving a piece of furniture. She was driving a cube van. When first looked inside it was as if she had made it into a little mobile home. I thought I had seen cabinetry and countertops. When I looked again it was custom furniture. She was a furniture maker as well as would refurbish furniture. That sounded creative and fun to me and I told her so. She paused and then asked if I would be interested in learning the trade. I was so excited. I forgot how much I loved to work with my hands and it sounded like such a breath of fresh air in comparison to what I currently did. 

ex camping

going camping or on a trip

I was with m y ex's parents. They were happy and helping me and seeing if I needed anything. We were all going to meet up later.
I called MT, but accidentally got benoit, I hadn't spokent to him since college.It was nice and he asked if I wanted to talk to JBDS and I laughed and said no no.... then I was talking to Cendrine... all friends from that time. It was strange and nice.

midgets and easter eggs

I dreamt that I was living in a new place. I seemed to be roommates with a friend. She seemed like a newish friend. Someone I was an acquaintance with, but never knew really well. She was dating a guy, a very short and stout one ...and then there was this other guy, not as small but also very short. The two bedrooms faced each other with no real wall in between, although it still felt ok. I thought the other guy was someone's boyfriend, but I guess that was past tense. As started randomly making out. I'm not sure why... it was like.. well food is here, may as well eat it. I didn't feel horrible about it, but I didn't like that I was doing it either. The new roommate was now someone else, a good friend of mine, a bit more conservative friend. I thought I was going to have to watch myself, my behavior.. I couldn't make out with the random roommate guy in the house. Normally I wouldn't like someone cramping my style, but I liked this. I thought, it will make me think, plan, get more specific about what I really want instead of just being a tumbleweed and taking what is available. The girl roommate started going through a door (I didn't know the apartment too well), that seemed to go to the back. I expected to see a parking lot, but there was a large backyard. It was nicely manicured, beautiful soft green grass. I was so excited to have a place to be outside. I didn't realize how much I missed it.

Then I was in the store next door. I saw these east chocolates and realized I needed to get my mom something. She was there too and was looking at the same things to get for me. I stopped and asked if we could just let one cancel out the other. I really didn't want chocolate eggs, she didn't either... so let's just know the thought was there and call it a day.

skull pick

I dreamt there was a ton of treasures around. A family member died and/or there was some storage found by the family that was for us all. It had many neat odd and ends. All different kinds of things, from clothing, to dishes, to musical instruments and furniture. My mother was going to sell it all for money, which I frustrated me. I didn't need to keep everything but I wanted to spend time perusing and getting familiar with the objects and maybe the stories behind them. I started picking up random small things that no one would miss and putting them in my pockets. There was something that looked like a hard wood toothpick only larger. It was angular instead of round and had a carved skull at the end of ivory. I'm sure it wasn't a toothpick, but it wasn't long enough to be a hair stick. I just admired the craftsmanship and it met the requirements of concealability in my hand to my pocket. I found another ivory skull item and it had much more detail in its carving. This one wasn't a pick, but maybe a comb or? either way, it was beautiful and looked like it had been cared for.  Then I came across an odd musical instrument. It was taller than me, but kind of like a very large square pillar with an old fashioned cash register on top. The whole thing was made of burled wood, all smoothed and polished. I had never seen this before and wasn't sure what sort of sound might come out. Was it like a self playing piano? There were a few collectors circling and admiring it.

There was so much stuff. Much will be looked over or tossed. I walked by my mother and felt extreme anger and said something bad towards her. Something like I wished I could ?? do something physical to her. She looked at me and smiled a bit of an evil smile back. Thinking that my words had just redeemed her of any wrong doings because I had said something so horrible. I reminded her that she taught me...

Oy... horrible feeling to feel.

gray banana

I dreamt that I was in an office. The whole floor was beige, the lighting was fluorescent, and it was quiet. The management had offices on the perimeter of the building and the rest of the employees had beige fabric cubicles. They weren't horrible... just dull. There was a large beige formica table/desk and beige metal file cabinets. It all felt dead. My office didn't have much in it for decor, just the beige-ness and a bowl of candy that was left from the holidays. They were peanut butter cups of some sort. They were not quality... more like peanut flavored high blood pressure. I found myself eating them as though there were a task that needed to be completed. I felt good about completing something but felt horrible from what the sugar was doing to my system at the same time. But the need to complete and accomplish was stronger than my need to feel good. I opened one of the file drawers and saw there was an employees birthday cake in there from a while back. It was... or had been banana.

 Now it was as though it was liquid that could hold its shape. The banana slices in the center an ashy gray... I needed to discard it. My boss went into his office which was just enough offset of mine that I could see when he came or went, but still had my privacy. Ideal really. I needed a change so I started rearranging all of my beige furniture. Something about the new arrangement seemed pretty amazing and I knew everyone else would be wondering... why did she get this arrangement and not us? or start copying me.. I wanted neither, just my privacy and to enjoy the new layout. I left to toss the cake and when I came back my table top had been graffitied. Not so nice words were written in crayon all over it in all kinds of colors. I didn't feel singled out, as the rest of the office had been attacked too. 

swimming cats

I dreamt that I was in my apartment. It was one of those dreams where I felt conscious as though it wasn't a dream at all. I was up to get ready for work, but went downstairs first for some reason. I wanted to look out the window behind the sofa. I moved the sofa out a bit and something was in the way. I looked and I realized my christmas tree was still up. It was a real evergreen though... which I didn't have. Then I looked down where I had moved the sofa and the floor looked odd. It looked as though it was shiny. Maybe the weight of the sofa had made a dent in the carpet? but then I looked closer and it looked as though the leg had pulled up the carpet and it was the padding underneath. Then I touched it and it was soaked... like there was a foot of water under the carpet. who was I going to call to fix it? SK? JK? I don't think I did it.

I looked up out the large window and it was still dark out. I thought I saw a cat jump in the tree. Probably the neighbor cat in the tree out front, but then I thought.. the tree isn't that close to the window. I tried to focus through the darkness and it was definitely a cat in the air and it looked as though it was swimming and then another was next to it. It was creeping me out, but I couldn't seem to turn away because part of me wanted to clarify what I was seeing. I was getting scared now and decided to just get ready for work. I went back upstairs and into the bathroom. Where was the furniture that was in there? It looked as though I had moved it all out. Maybe I was going to clean the floors. I sat and looked at the room empty wondering if I liked it better. I guess I did? but not as much as I usually appreciate an empty room. I went to the sink, well, where a sink used to be and went to turn on the light with the foot switch. I was moving my foot over it and realized that was no longer there either. I turned to turn on the water for the shower and it was a different shower that seemed to take up one side of a much larger bathroom. It was tiled half way up and then glass midway to the ceiling and it was long and amazing. I thought how nice is this? Then I realized... oh.. this must be a dream.

clear bandaids

I dreamt that I was in a house of a very wealthy family or someone that owned it was wealthy and everyone under the roof was used to having and not wanting. I was possibly visiting or living there. I wasn't "part" of it all, but I felt comfortable there. I was straightening and doing things and seemed to have cut my finger. The tip was sliced all the way through, but as if there was another smaller finger about 2 cm in. I found two clear bandages to hold it together best I could, although I really needed stitches. A friend there, asked if I was ok. I showed him how nicely the bandages were working, although it didn't seem like my skin wanted to go back. I told him that it didn't really hurt, and oddly enough it didn't hurt at all. He pulled out a needle and thread as if to say I should do it myself. I told him I wasn't that brave and had no intention of being so, and I would make an appointment that day to take care of it. I didn't need pain if I could avoid it. There was a little girl there, without her parents. She lived in the house and had a cute little bedroom made to her size. She had every toy and piece of clothing possible it seemed, although I think she just wanted someone to play with. The rest of the house seemed to think she was hard to deal with, didn't want to get dressed and so on. I went in to see her and we played for a bit and she got dressed no problem. I didn't like something about this house, this place or the little girl. I liked my friend ok...

under priviledge

I dreamt that I was at a concert. It wasn't outside, but the seating was more like an outdoor concert where you find spots on the ground, or group around a table etc. I was in a good spot and was about to go get a drink. A girl asked if I could get her one too as she was underage. I did it without a thought and brought it back. I then was sitting and waiting for the concert with a friend. A group of youngish folks sat down next to us. They looked a bit privileged. The girl asked me if I could go get her a drink as well since she was underaged. My friend had just told me that I could be put in jail for this. So I told the girl no and gave her the reason, although I don't think it was the reason. I could feel her manipulative spirit and it rubbed me the wrong way. I know she would get her drink. 

cue welt

I dreamt I had a welt of sorts, the size of half of a cue ball. It was behind my ear and quite a bit disgusting. I didn't want to look at it but I didn't want it there. I decided to just let go ... there was nothing I could do about it and I immediately felt better.

all day funeral

I dreamt I was going to a funeral for my grandfather... although he wasn't really any relation and all of mine have already passed. My mother had asked me to go and my brother and his wife was there. It ended up including a nature walk near the river, with dogs and a puppy. It took most of the day. I was a little panicked as my office thought I would be out for an hour or two. My mother acted like she didn't know... I was frustrated and was hoping this would be the last funeral.

orchard run

I dreamt that I was on a farm, out in the country. I was sitting at a table and across from me was my captor (who was Ben Kingsley). It was a slow evening, almost torturous. He wasn't doing anything mean, besides being there and me knowing that I was going to be hurt or find my end at some point that evening. We were having dinner maybe? I was in a long red gown and looked like Natalie Portman. A bit skinny, a bit frail. It seemed we were having a battle of wits that was getting us nowhere, but escalating the fear, the control and the hatred of the situation. I knew I was going to get no where with him. At one point I just decided to get up and run. I rather be killed quickly if it was going to happen that to let it draw out. I ran into the orchard half being me .. half watching from afar as if it was a movie. I could see her/me run along the orchard. I thought ... she could make it if she would quit running in the moonlight. She needed to get between the trees, even if it seemed it would take her longer to get to her destination, at least he wouldn't be able to see her. She threw a large hard clod of dirt in the air and it hit him in the head. It didn't slow him. Then she threw a branch and I could see blood, but it just angered him  more. Then he threw a large clod of dirt and hit her directly in the back of the head and she fell.  Then they were sitting in the orchard like nothing had ever happened, both laughing. Like this whole thing had been a game. He said he hoped they hadn't made so much racheous that the neighbors could hear... they might have thought they were serious.   

river testers

I dreamt that I was in front of a house. It was the house I grew up in, but not in the dream. There were jets flying over very fast. I thought it was odd. It wasn't the air show practice was it? I didn't think so. They were a different kind of jet, and they seemed to be flying with a purpose. They flew south of the house and then turned and flew back north of the house. They flew so low that the brushed the tops of trees. I was worried that they would catch on fire. Then they flew above the house and were hovering in the hair nose down. It felt a little threatening like they were in our business. There was also a woman that seemed to be wearing a contraption that made her fly. She had to have her arms and legs out, but she had a footing and places to put her hands. The contraption was a circle with her in the middle... kind of like da Vinci's drawing, but the harness, uniform etc. was black. Her son got out of the jet and started checking my house. He had a baseball cap on that said something about fish and rivers. They were testing places for drainage I think. 

parenting pink hair

I dreamt that I was with some girlfriends talking about kids. These are women that don't ever want them, but in my dream they had them. I said I don't think I would let my daughter dye her hair pink (I don't have a daughter). I said I didn't want her to feel like she had impress people or get attention by doing something to herself. The other friends rolled their eyes. Although they did say no way to tattoos.

blunt sandwich

I dreamt I went to a bar with a coworker DA. I think we were leaving an obligatory event and wantd to do something fun afterwards. It was kind of a dive bar, but one of those ones that has been there forever, near a good location (like near a body of water) and everyone goes to anyway in the nice weather. There was outside seating, but we were sitting inside initially. We both ordered a drink and some sandwiches. Something with bacon, peanut butter and dill pickles, another called a ??Blunt? or?? it was turkey, canned cranberry sauce, cream cheese?? and another sort of sandwich with dill pickle and bacon. We were hungry and looking forward to the sandwiches, although we had planned on sharing them with anyone who wanted a wedge. She ran into some old guy she knew and they had started talking. She liked the conversation so followed him outside to a table with an umbrella. I stayed inside with a friend. A young fella with dark brown curly hair. He and I were having a good time, chatting and joking. We clicked... were good friends, and maybe a little chemistry although he was too young for me. We joked about the age thing, although he didn't think it was a big deal. He was talking about this and that and brought up something called a ?? something teller. I didn't know what it was. He explained... you know those machines that outside of a building. They are low to the ground, you push a button of what you wanted to order, put in your money and it comes out. You order before you get there... when the item has arrived, you are alerted and that is where you pick up your package. I was thinking and then remembered .. ooh.. yes, I think a friend of mine used one of those once. When the sandwiches arrived, we went outside with them. Then it started raining and my hair started going curly and he was making fun of me.

broken milk glass

I dreamt that I was in a new apartment. I felt a little discombobulated in the place. Where were the rooms? Where was North? What street did the back door face? Who was in my place right now and celebrating my new place?

I was in the kitchen. As the room came into focus, I got a little excited about it. I liked how it looked, the glass in the cupboard doors, the light in the room, the glass door leading into another room. I could hear people in the living room as if the party was near its end. I looked at the dishes in the washer. It seemed people were cleaning up for me. There were some beautiful seagreen milk glass dishes and glasses in there. They had been a housewarming gift. I picked them up to get a closer look and a dish was broken, I picked up to of the cordial glasses and they were broken too. I shrugged my shoulders and thought ... nice thought at least, they were pretty for a bit.

A girl was there and pointed to the back door that was at the end of the kitchen. She was showing me the parking. I looked outside to black asphalt and white lines with a number in each space. Her car was parked there and she said she would be there today (she didn't use her car much), but as soon as she moved, that would be my parking spot. I wanted to ask... how do you find the parking entry way, but figured I would find it on my own. I wondered was it my designated spot? or would I need to be lucky and get it?

I went back inside and into the living area. People were still  there chatting. MG was there and being helpful.
Then it was partly a going away party for a coworker EM. She was leaving to another office and there were hugs and tears. People were still crowding the space, but I started to feel alone. Everyone would be leaving and this would be my space in this new area away.

debits and credits

I dreamt that I was with a group of guys. Friends?  We were all together for a short amount of time... like a school year or term. All there for a purpose, living together, hanging out together etc. A test was coming up and I was all of a sudden frantic. It was tomorrow and I wasn't ready. Part of me was thinking... but I always do well on tests. I had done well in this class the whole time, had I not? What was I worried about... let alone I was excellent at cramming. But I was still stressed. I knew the guys hadn't studied. They had spent most of their time partying and drinking. Why were they so calm?  One, MG was trying to ease my stress. Telling me it was just on this and that, you have the notes and so on.  We had a dog or a cat in the house.. it felt like just looking at it for a second made me feel more calm. Then back to thoughts on the test... What was it on anyway?? I had to think hard. I was picturing a bluegreen tray that had bottles and boxes in it. Did I need to know what those were? Then I thought... am I supposed to know which one is a debit and which a credit?  I felt calmer. I could easily cram for this.

brunch

I dreamt that I was at some fancy hotel/restaurant. I was meeting my extended step family for a brunch. I think it was something like Easter. Everyone was dressed nicely, nice music in the background, nice food... It felt nice. I seemed to keep walking around, not quite getting to the food. I liked being in the hotel, around people that might be traveling, around people that had something to do. I didn't feel like sitting and eating. I decided to walk down a hallway. I kept going and it turned into a home of a friend (DF). It was a very modern new home. Very open, light, glass... he seemed a bit cool and collected, in a James Bond sort of way. He showed me around a bit. We were very familiar. He seemed happy. I left to go back to the brunch and everyone was leaving. I was glad to have missed the sit down part. 

smoke and ashes

I dreamt I was with my high school ex JK. He was back to his thin self. I was trying to snuggle like we used to, but he wanted to be side to side. Then we both walked over to a fireplace that needed to be fixed. The bricks were falling off, but most of it was still good and intact. I was thinking how are we going to find old bricks that match perfectly?  Or maybe a hearth could be built over the whole thing?  It would look nicer? or would it? I liked old brick too, it felt warmer.  He was sitting in the fireplace in the ashes looking at the fire while I was saying my thoughts out loud. The smoke was coming in the house. I thought the flue was open but then I pulled it again and more smoke came in. I wasn't sure. 

uninvited guest

I dreamt that I went to see RVB. I was in the UK and was popping over to surprise him. He was staying with his folks. They seemed very sweet and happy to have a guest, someone new to talk to. They provided me with where everything was, how to use the house and so on. He seemed somewhat happy to seem, but also somewhat distanced. He had talked about wanting to see me, but when I was there, he showed me his room... more to tell me where he would be, as he had an office in there. He then walked me back out to a side room off the front room. There was a small sofa there and he said if I wanted I could sleep there. He wouldn't have much time for me... he had work to do, some colleagues to meet, and the kids...  That I should get myself something to eat if I liked. That he hoped I would enjoy my stay. All was with a friendly outside, friendly words, but controlled on the inside, and cool.

orange cat

I dreamt that I was in a college of sorts.. I felt part of it, needed, interested, supported, cared for, known, loved.

I was walking along some stairs and people recognized me and said they wanted my ideas on something they were working on.

I walked back outside. There was a farm as part of the school. My stepgrandma needed something. A group of us headed out to help on the farm. It felt fun, like a team.

One of the old men driving a truck had a cat on his lap. It looked like a leopard, but it was bright orange... sweet. 

repopulation

I dreamt that I was on earth with what was left of it. It didn't seem like we had to tip toe around chemical or nuclear hazard or anything, it just seemed like there were not many people left. I'm not sure why. The group of us hung together, took care of each other for the most part and seemed friendly. Maybe there just were not resources. I didn't feel like there was an internet, any manufacturing whatsoever, production or farming.  So we were hunter gatherers again but with maybe less options and no one else to interact with. We were making sure we had everyone before we moved on from our current location, which seemed to be a watery area. It wasn't a lake, it wasn't a river, it wasn't a swamp, ... nothing green really growing in it. It was actually clear... as if nothing could grow in it.  One girl was missing so we each walked around yelling her name looking for her, all knowing not to go too far from our location. It felt pretty out, it was night, I could see the stars, the air smelled fresh... and I looked up and then felt myself floating up. I wasn't especially scared, because I didn't know what to think of what was happening, until I started reaching the edge of earth's atmosphere at a a rapid pace. I started thinking... so in space do you explode or implode? would it hurt? I just hoped it would be fast because it seemed that I had no choice.

Poof... I was in space.... but then it seemed like I turned upside down and I was right side up. I was coming down to land on another planet, softly.... oddly enough. The planet looked a bit barren, sandy beige dirt that looked hard and dry with some structures on it. The structures were long and tube like. More like a somewhat flattened tube that took the shape of an oval. The whole structure was supported by legs, so none of the buildings touched the ground. Should I hide? Should I be here? I saw a mobile structure come towards me. It was a large vehicle that was much larger than a car or semi... it was more like its own almost two story building, the same color and material as the other structures. It was coming to pick me up... more as if it knew I was coming than if I was something to go investigate. There were normal people on board, but they seemed different than me. They were clear, knew what was going on, on a mission... not friendly and human like on earth. Once in the building they seemed set on making sure I had supplies, clothing, felt comfortable. A man showed up soon after me, looked a little more disheveled like myself. He looked like he had come from some place that had real dirt, plants, moisture... I was introduced to him. He looked disappointed. He said... "This is not what I asked for. I said I wanted a woman that was sturdy, a bit roundy." As he was saying this a vision appeared and was forming as he was describing. "...And brown, ethnic. If we are going to do this again, we need to mix it up. We can't have straight races."  I saw the completed image of the girl that he had described. It was the same one our group was looking for on Earth. I was having an uneasy feeling... the kind you feel when you lie. I could tell them that I know her and where to find her. But then what would they do with me? Obviously they were choosing certain people to repopulate ... this new planet?  I was older than I looked as well. I thought I had just better keep my mouth shut and keep myself from being exported back into space.

cheerleader wars

I dreamt that I was walking down the hill to some school?  It was large, brick with many buildings. PC was with me and we were following some blond lady. She is an actress in a play we are going to see. PC knows her and seemed to revel in rubbing shoulders.  The blond woman says it will be in the basement of one of the buildings. PC is claustrophobic and is concerned. Then she is fine with it. We keep going through rooms and halls and finally get there. Then we leave and I'm helping someone who is lost, maybe weak... On the way, we notice a bunch of school girls (more like 18 year old strong girls), in different uniforms than ours. They are on some sort of jungle gym with some teen guys. They look privileged and like trouble. I can feel that they are about to do something not so nice and I tell the girl with me to run, but then they start attacking each other.  We ran back to our dorm.

In the dorm, we are with our own team of girls in the same uniform. I was happy because we could help each other. They have long poles with odd blades at the end that are shaped a bit like one side of a yin/yang, with the blade being on the outer curve. They started attacking each other with the blades. One is more powerful than the rest and she kills each one of them with only myself left.  She comes after me throws me a weapon. Does she want me to kill her? She starts attacking me and could kill me but it is like she wants me to attack her. I don't want to hurt her, but I stab her a little in the arm, more to keep her away. I feel I don't have the power to do it in one shot.. I try again and again and realize I am just causing her pain which I don't want.. I finally stab her in the head and she dies. I'm relieved... not that I wanted to kill but... I didn't want more pain.

beach pie

At the beach with some good friends. It seems like a summer vacation, the kind where you really don't have to do anything and you get to spend a month or more at one place.

We walk back to the beach house. An older lady is there, someone's mother? Not sure. We are making pie. I didn't feel like family, maybe a friend of a child or something, but welcome just the same. I had that feeling of politeness and obligation that comes with being a guest.

The apple pie didn't seem to come out ok. It was detaching from the crust, although I followed the instructions. Oh well... next was cherry. I was out in the sunroom pitting cherries. They were blanched for some reason first, so a bit warm. A guy comes in to say hello ... nice feelings

italian cake

I was dropping a lady off at a place she was going to work, a new job. We had to go through a gate and through the front door. The building was older feeling, uptight feeling, but rooted.. been doing the same thing, in the same way, for years. As we walked in I was kind of holding her hand, metaphorically. She didn't seem to know what to do and seemed bumbley.  The lady was middle aged, kind of a 1970s version of middle aged, older hair style, set in her ways, and a bit not with it. The kind of person who probably keeps a job forever and is happy with it, or at least doesn't expect for more. I was telling people what she was there for, made sure she was handing them the correct papers, and so on. I realized I had worked there before a long time ago, maybe  temp job...

The building was odd... built on the side of a steep hill.  There were no windows on one side, which curved along with the hill. It was narrow and had off levels and nooks and crannies. I said hello to some of the people although it had been years since I had worked there. I don't think anyone really recognized me.  It felt stuffy to me now, although when I was younger (in my dream).. it felt new and exciting, not having had much experience. I left her there, hoping she would be ok and partly just wanting to get the heck out of there... I had done my part.

I walked back through an iron gate, passed some more people. I was glad that part of my life was over.

Then I was on some grassy area. Were people watching a concert? was there an event? I'm not sure now, but the feeling was festive. I had walked up to some sort of snack bar, which seemed to be more of a coffee shop, to bring back some things for my friends. I saw a special Italian cake... a little less sweet, but kind of buttery and good with dried fruits. Nothing they would choose on purpose, but they had never tasted it and thought it might be nice. There were three wedges left and I asked for them all. A friend of mine was running the place (AL survmonk) and was making sure I got what I needed. He seemed full of energy, as usual and seemed to be successful with this business. I envied his togetherness and his suredness.

Then a dog showed up... not sure at this point what was happening, ...

very very

I dreamt that I was at a strip mall. There were two levels and I was on the upper waiting for someone. I was sitting on a small futon sofa that was mine. A man, looked like a security guard was walking up to me and I thought he was going to ask me to pay to sit there.. Then I was in the parking lot. I seemed to be selling some of my things like a tiny garage sale, just a few items. There was also a woman there that was selling decorated sheet cakes. They seemed to be selling well. One woman came up all worried that they were sold out, but I pointed out another stack of them behind some things. Then the little enterprise seemed to take up a larger area of the parking lot. There was a large white tent and tables with lots of sheet cakes. It seemed like there were about 6 of these ladies, some getting people's attention at the road side and others at the tables. They were making really good money. They said they would cook these in their bakery building one day a week and then rent the place out the other hours. So the cakes were all cash and they were making money on the building. Pretty good. They seemed very active, very sure, very together and very happy.

We left the place as they were done for the day. We were all walking down to the Pearl (the nicer part of downtown Portland). I was heading to where I worked for some reason, maybe for my car?? We all seemed good.

pigs head

I dreamt that I lived in a small neighborhood and maybe in the 40s or 50s. Not due to the actual date, or clothing, but it felt like a nicer time. Neighbors knew each other, you helped each other out, you knew the name of the clerks at the market and they knew you. It felt really nice and at ease.

There was a meat market down the street and I think I and a friend were supposed to work there to help out. Or maybe he was helping us out. It was something to do. I had a big round of sausage that was more like the size of a wheel of cheese, it was warm and I knew I shouldn't have taken it out for so long.. not sure why I had it. I brought it back to the market and stacked it on top of the other sausage rounds. The market man turned from an older balding Italian looking fellow, to a rounder, pale, small nosed fella. He was showing me his new idea for advertising. He was standing behind the counter at his shop and posed for a second, then I could see a blank space to the left of him, as if it was hanging in mid air.. a rectangle that was green and another smaller one on his right. It blanked out what was going on behind the counter, but still was framed with hanging meats. I said oh yes... good idea. You can use those space for writing anything you need for a new ad and can use it over and over. I'm not sure if he heard all of my positive reinforcement of his idea, but I knew he was happy and that is all that mattered.

I was looking at his counter... my friend and I both agreed that he needed a pigs head at the end to make it look festive.

My friend and I continued on to a large flea type market. It was kind of a large Goodwill but different. It had some new clothes, some vintage and all very organized, yet more warehouse-like. I saw all of these little boy's parkas and I thought my friend should come and look.. but thought again.

Then there was a bunch of golden colored military clothing hanging. All of it was in good condition. I was showing my friend. He didn't seem interested and then said I wouldn't wear anything like that. I thought it was a pity. It was a nice design.

Then I was sitting with my  mom. We were going through old photos. There was one of a boxer dog. We looked at it as if it was one of ours a long time back, how sweet, etc. etc.

Then some of my grandpa and I. We were having a good time in these photos. They were not flattering pics, but the feeling behind them, the great conversation, the smiles, they were happy pics. It was almost as if it was a small film, each photo was like that of the next frame, and you could see on our faces that we were recognizing that someone was taking the photos although we still were facing each other. The last photo we were both facing the camera as if to surprise the photo taker. My mom and I both laughed and it was as if everything was healed.

Then I was on a bed.. laying on my stomach... was I still with the same friend? not sure. We were both laying there.. he was doing his tech work... I was??  bored.

two kittens

I dreamt that I was pregnant. I looked down and I had a tight mound of a belly.  I didn't know whose it was, and it seemed to be getting too late to do anything about it, my stomach protruded out too far. How could this have happened?  How could I have let it go so carelessly?  I wanted to throw up. It seemed to get larger quickly and I realized I could feel the baby kick. I wanted him?? the him that was the father to feel it. For a moment, I knew who the father was and excitedly told him the news. Then I realized I could feel wear the head was. It felt like a real being now. I could almost caress its face as thought it was out. I had a very motherly and loving feeling about it and suddenly nothing else mattered. Then I was following a kitten. I wanted to make sure it wouldn't get hurt or get out of the house. It was very cold outside and there were many places it could escape. I thought.. it has a knowing... I will just let it figure it out, but then part of me wanted to test both ways, one where I watch over and one where I let it be 100%. The kitten walked out on a 2x4 where we were remodeling. I then saw two kittens. I realized I was carrying on the experiment simultaneously. The kitten that I was ignoring was about to fall... I wanted to go catch it, but just then, it fell on to sticks and died. It was as if I could hit ctrl z on a keyboard and reset the experiment and the kitten was back alive.

cat cake

I dreamt that this guy I had gone to high school with was now a graphic designer or worked in a print shop. He had a large stack of posters, although they seemed to be all glued together, back to front. He was peeling them off one by one to separate them.

I then dreamt that I had to get my #12 tooth fixed and something about 8 dollar mule that was some sort of tincture. Someone was serving cake for a birthday... it had a cat's head on it as decoration, for a child.
A guy was helping with the serving and there was ice cream too. An old woman gave her serving back, as she only wanted cake.

Then I was in a neighborhood that I seemed to have just moved to. I was walking around a circle and admiring the homes and the stars in the night. It seems many of the neighbors took nightly strolls. I walked up some stairs to the peak of the hill and I saw K, a guy I used to work with.

demolishing oblivious

I dreamt that I was in my house. I was looking out enjoying the great view I had. How did I get a house with a view of the ocean, how lucky.  I looked up at a building... it was a building I used to work in that was on top of a hill, but now it was at the edge of the ocean. There were buildings before it ... new ones... and then some old things. I saw a huge cloud of smoke. Was something on fire? The smoke seemed to be moving fast and out in all directions. It seemed more like it was a bomb. I looked again and it seemed that they were demolishing some buildings. First some decent ones, then the older ones were going... and then an explosion hit a building that was the furthest from my view. I had worked there (although in reality it was on top of a hill). There was a library in the building and people. A whole corner of a floor was blown away and I was wondering if the whole building could fall.

I somehow saw some friends in the window. I was trying to get their attention but they did not see me. I ran to the building and up some stairs. TM and her mother in law and children were there looking at books and art. I kept calling to them and they were too preoccupied. I was putting so much effort into helping people that were oblivious.

blue chairs

I dreamt that I was hungry and wanted to get a bite to eat out. I must have been in a new environment. There was a hole in the wall place, white walls, big blue chairs, etc. I had been there once before. It seemed to have been set up for last nights movie though and it didn't look like it was prepared to serve lunch. Also, the place looked way better in the dark. Now it just looked cheap? maybe the food wouldn't be good, but I knew that it was good before.

I was with MT, my ex. We sat in some of the big blue chairs and I looked for a black round table to move in front of us. We were sitting by the window, as if in the waiting area. It felt like we were in love, the comfortable kind after the honeymoon period. It felt nice and odd. I questioned it at first, but it was real.
I ordered tofu and?? he wondered why? He realized he didn't have enough money in the bank and asked if I would transfer money to his account. I said I would transfer it to him. He said the bank was over there? As in away from this place. I wondered why he wanted to go... I said I could do it on the phone, and he was ok with that. and happier.  I did not have my account number but I did have my card. I guess I could use that.

We sat and chatted, laughed, snuggled. Then the room started getting full. I was there now with other people, PC, TB, PS, etc. and the place transformed. There was some kind of acting thing going on..There was a guy in a blond wig.. loooked like someone I had gone to school with. T and P came back to where I was sitting asking why I hadn't told them that I knew them... I didn't think it mattered. Someone changed the subject and they forgot. I got up and walked about the room, all full of actors now and some event. I was enjoying the posters, the books and then kind of felt out of place and wanted to leave.

tiny alligator

I dreamt of a loving extended family feeling. I was getting a photo with someone. I was with my step mother's extended family, but just the women. One of the younger ones that just had a baby was getting a photo session. She is kind of an alpha personality.

I dreamt that one of the women that married into the family, a step aunt M, was a psychic. There was going to be a movie done about her. I had no idea she was one.

I started watching the "idea" of the movie. A woman was coming out to the country to meet with her. When she had made the appointment, she thought that M, in regards to light meant something else... maybe electricity. M meant the light in you. The woman was going to leave after she had realized what the appointment would be about. M had rented a barn space, a sort of shed for this appointment so they would have full privacy. Before the woman had left, M thought quickly and said she would do the appointment for free for an hour. The woman thought why not. So they went into the shed. The wood was gray and weathered, but looked pleasant enough. Immediately things starting moving in the shed.. like spirits were communicating. I was thinking was this really M, did this really happen?  Or did they add it for dramatic affect for the movie?

Then I was in the main kitchen space again with extended family. Some people there were nice. LW, an old boss was there, smiley as always. I was going to put something in the microwave and there was a tiny alligator in there. I in a way, I was treating it like a bug and just slammed it shut (it was in the crease), hoping that it would die and disappear. Although it didn't die. It kept showing up in the fridge or on a counter. I finally talked to a woman and said...I'm not sure that our kitchen would pass health code. I told her about the alligator. I clarified it wasn't a little lizard or a salamander... it was an actual tiny alligator and maybe we should find a home for it. I said it needed to be glass, or he would get out. So we got one... and sand etc. I wondered if he was still alive. His eyes were closed. Then she started petting him with her finger. I was wondering if he would like it or not. I saw his eyes open and then close in that nice feeling eyes look that dogs and cats get.  It made me feel better.

many skirts

I dreamt I was walking through some little shops. It was as though they were in little sheds, with gravel paths between them, but they were nice shops. I was there with my mom, looking for solutions, looking for better clothing that I needed for work, but wasn't find them. I remembered I had worn a skirt once that was affordable, comfortable, nice enough... Why don't I just get 10 of those in different colors.. that would do it.

Then I was sitting in a chair watching something in a lobby. I should have been working. I guy saw me. I felt the need to get up and go back to work.

bitter apple

I dreamt that I was going on a trip with my friend SK. We were walking or driving up a gravel road with a lot of other folks. We all seemed to be going on a similar trip, like it was an organized thing that we paid for, but with strangers. This was old hat to SK. She is kind of a rugged girl and she was telling me things about the area, which seemed to be up a mountain, with a lake and so on. She said she would be giving me a tour of the lake.  I asked her what lake it was, what was special about it?  I guess part of me got a sinking feeling of expected boredom. Not that I don't appreciate nature, but I have been to certain lakes often that you can't swim in or do anything in but a tour, and that doesn't interest me. I looked over at the lake and it seemed to be near a damn... also didn't interest me. She sighed and said we didn't have to go on the tour, but I quickly said no no, I want to see... just curious. I did appreciate that she was being my tour guide.

I was getting nervous as we were going up. The big several day tour was going to be via motorcycle and I wasn't that experienced in poor weather conditions. It was raining there and a bit snowy. I was thinking... should I be in the back as to not get in anyone's way? Or should I be at the front so that I didn't get left behind?  We went to go see her parents that happened to live up on those hills for part of the year. They looked as they did in the mid-80s or even younger. They were staying in a very small place. Everything was in one room, the kitchen, dining table, sofa and bed. I sat on the bed as it seemed they were using it as a sofa as well. Both SK and myself were not feeling great. We were not sick, but we both felt puffy and uncomfortable. Her mother said matter of factually, you know.. your bodies are alkaline, I think... M....? malox? (something man made) would be ok for you, for now, but bitter apple would be good for you. She then looked around for a bottle.

Her dad came and sat down by me. He had just taken a shower. I felt uncomfortable as he was nude, but he was just comfortable that way. I looked at his skin and noticed again how young it was. I wondered where his tattoos had gone ... didn't he have any? (in reality no), then they started to appear the more that I had focused. He was taking tape and pressing it on his skin and taking it off... as if he was trying to delint himself. Each time he took the tape away... his skin looked whiter in a strip. 

unfinished home

I dreamt I was living in a house on the outskirts, kind of in some woods, near a river, but still close enough to town. I lived in a bit of a make-shift apartment, partly in a basement, partly unfinished, ... SD, a friend from Chicago was visiting me. I was showing her my place and she was saying how she was going to buy a tv etc. I told her not to as I had two flat screens. I would have hated for her to waste her money.

I went to my trunk where my second tv was and  was also going to show her the shed where my livingroom was. It was all a bit rustic, but I kind of liked it.

wedding flood

I dreamt that I was at a large hotel that had ballrooms and restaurants for events. I seemed to be setting up the event and running around. At the same time I felt not part of the event and like I crashed the place. I was walking by people trying to be unnoticed in my crashed-mindset and the groom caught my attention. He was inviting me to a private party for the bride and groom, a sort of thank you for all of my work. Ok, I guess I was part of this thing. I thought he was telling me the party was an after party after the wedding and reception... but then it was starting right then, a before party. I was disappointed. The after party sounded like more fun, more special, less... as an "I have to thank you some how so here is a non-sincere event to make it seem like I care."   I went down a hallway to a lobby and then into a computer room. It was as if a large scientific company was in the building as well.  I walked into the room and it was all protected by card keys. I could walk into the entrance, but not through a turnstile. The room was white and the whole border of the room had computers built into the walls. One wall had sit down counters with computers and a window out to something they were working on. I could see something had gone wrong, as one of their inventions or experiments crashed into a woman scientist. She was older, brown bob, not very attractive. It was a person that felt like she was not focused on anything beautiful in life. Just measurements, specifics,  what she could see before her.  She was dead now and blood everywhere. I guess I was supposed to help, or was helping and I had blood on my hands. I had put my hand against the window and left a blood mark on it.

I left the room and was walking back the small wedding thank you party. There were people dressed in stormtrooper outfits, but more refined and less bulky. They were also in more muted grays and greens. I kind of rolled my eyes at the new trend and the club at the hotel that attracted these types.

I saw the groom again, very groomed, short haired blond fella. This time he didn't look as cheery. There was a flood of water coming, a natural disaster type of flood. The whole room was suddenly consumed with chest high water. I was standing on top of some tables and watching everything move past me, desserts, and tea sandwiches in the muddy water.

It seemed the flood was over as soon as it began. Time had to have sped through it, but time really hadn't moved. A few of us were stacking furniture in an area to keep some of the water and items to the place of the reception. Otherwise, everyone else had left.

I remembered that the blood was still on the window. I needed to go clean it up. Not that I had done anything wrong, but someone had and I didn't want any evidence out there. I went into the room but didn't have a key card this time. I was going to sneak over the turnstile and clean. Just as I was, a woman came in. I acted like I belonged there and cleaned the window and left.

I went to an apartment that I had rented for the few days of the wedding. It was dirty too. I went out onto the deck or roof? and there were items left from the flood. I could see people on the street gathering food and going to their cars, for the most part, helping each other. I took some palm leaves and stacked them on the roof. I'm not sure if it was to clean up or that they were valuable. They seemed valuable.

Then I was in a torn up house or make shift salon. The flood had hit a friend's house that did nails and hair. My friend PC and I went there to get a manicure and he was a bit harried, although pleasant.. he just didn't have his normal supplies, his normal space.  She was almost done and he hadn't started on me yet. I looked down though and saw pink on one nail. I didn't want pink... too barbie for me. I was going to remove it before he came back and to start over. I wanted the same color as was on my toes... a nude.

killer robot

I dreamt that I was shopping for gloves. I have long fingers, so nothing was fitting. Someone told me... "don't you know, Mr. ?? can make them for you any time custom fit?"  I was so excited to have something that I didn't have to bend to.. it would bend to me.

----

I dreamt that I had forgotten to do something before I left my cousin's beach house. So I drove back out there and decided to spend the night.  A family showed up during the night. I didn't know that she had rented it out that night. I had nothing on and was in bed and was apologetic when they came in. The man was apologetic back. I rushed around to put things on and then leave.

Then I was at an event, some sort of concert hall or convention center. I was supposed to be there, either part of the event or something. I was walking through the concession area and started to walk towards the door. A large white robot was following me. I knew that it was going to kill me. It wasn't as fast, but could make its target well. I ran out to the cars but it seemed to be able to spot me no matter how fast I ran or where I hid. I was running in front of a row of cars and then it was right on my tail. I took a sharp turn and then another and dove between some cars on the ground. I was between a normal car and some sort of black tank, that was matt black and maybe 4 inches above the ground. I couldn't slide under either car.  I was sure that it was going to walk past me, but mid stride, it turned 45 degrees and...   I woke up. 

chicken movies

I dreamt that I was in a grocery store... well first a little market and then it seemed to get larger. I worked there. The people seemed to be pleasant enough. I wasn't sure what my title was, I'm not sure it mattered. I guess it was my lunch time and I sat near the deli, but we sat at a large garbage bin with the lid being our table. I sat with two other new employees. A somewhat chubby guy that seemed really nice and pleasant and a petite woman with black hair and sharply cut bangs. My food items kept falling off the paper and onto the garbage lid. I had to keep through things away. It seems the woman was making this happen.

Then I was in another room. A more appropriate lunch room with my friends SK and CK. We were all eating chicken but all cooked differently. One said... I'm eating "movie title" chicken... , another .. "well I'm eating "movie title" chicken... They said what kind of chicken is yours? It doesn't come from a movie.   I said, "Oh, mine is from Close Encounters of the Third Kind... it was before product placement." (which isn't true... but funny) I felt a bit not part of the social norm with my chicken, but I liked it. It felt free and I didn't have to fit in so much.

fish tails

I dreamt that I was in the ocean with two girlfriends. People I don't know in reality... We were swimming and I noticed one of them had a, well like a mermaid outfit from the hips down. It was on the level of buying a surfboard or flippers for your feet, some new trend. Hers was white with red stitching and zippers. The other one had a deep blue one with white stitching. I was watching them and they looked a bit awkward in the water. I was completely enjoying the ocean, the buoyancy, it felt amazing. I thought I would show them how to do it and I kind of wanted to try the new thing out too. I was showing them you had to use your whole body as if it was one limb. They couldn't see it or connect the idea and kept struggling with their old thoughts about how one swims. I let it go and got on land. Then I was walking along a river bank. I think  I was going to go fishing. I walked down a sidewalk that was between the stream and some houses. It felt sweet, quaint, pleasant... In getting there I had to walk one way for a while.. then turn 180 degrees at a v in the sidewalk to walk on the other side of the houses to get to my destination.  At one point there was a girl at a doorway. She had down syndrome and wanted to say hello. I came to her door and we chatted a bit. She was highly functional and sweet. I saw that I could go out her front door and be back on the beginning of the path. It would be a shortcut if I wanted to go back. I left the girl and kept walking. I saw then another path that let to the beginning of the path. I didn't have to go around all of the houses to the v... I could have been at the fishing spot a while ago.

house of ...

I dreamt that I was in a car with my step mom, my dad and my brother and there was a baby. A baby girl with lots of curls. We were all getting out to stay somewhere. I'm not sure where... the beach? camping? some event?  They were all out of the car and I wanted to sit in the back for a bit. I wanted to sit with the baby girl. We had a connection. Part of me wanted to take care of her. I told my step mom that I was worried.. My brother is so critical and I wanted her to grow up with an open mind of possibilities... not criticisms. I decided she would be fine... and she was not mine to teach.

getting ahead

I dreamt that I was with my family on the road where the old white farm house is. We were walking down the road for old times sake. In my dream there were old farm stores and quaint shops in the area and it would be fun to see them again. For some reason I wanted to go faster. Maybe I wanted to be alone, maybe I wanted to get there faster? I'm not sure. I started jogging. It felt good and I liked the idea of getting there and getting settled and having some alone time. I came up to a building. It looked like a place that they would have some wine tastings. They had tables outside, a large barn door open and tables inside. I was thirsty and was looking for a machine to buy water from. I found one and turned around and my whole family was there. Hadn't I ran there? Shouldn't they be a ways away still? I was disappointed that I didn't have time and I wanted to head on to the next place. Although I did feel warmth knowing they were there, somewhere.

bubble baby

I dreamt I was in a room with some ?? horrible people. Horrible in that they were not clean, were not aware of their surroundings, of their bodies, of their time, of anything. They had children and just put them in front of the tv, on a dirty sofa, in a dirty room, with little light... The woman was large... not just large, HUGE in a scifi crazy way. Her head was tiny above her huge heaving body. Her calves and arms had a yellow sort of fungus growing on them... there was a voice saying something along the lines of the more you are not aware.. etc... basically this would grow. I could see it growing before my eyes. Oh it was horrible. Then I could see her belly, all shiny with sweat... her skin hanging all over... then she was making noises.. she was about to have a baby. I don't even think she knew it. It shot out and I have no idea where it went. I looked around on the floor and saw nothing and looked under the sofa and so on. Then I saw this dark bubble in the air. Was that the baby? It had a skeleton in it. Just the skull... it was floating inside the bubble. I asked if that was the baby and it nodded. I could see through the black eye sockets and saw a pinkish brain floating in the background. This somehow confirmed to me that it was in fact the baby. The woman started shrinking now... started looking like a normal person. The rest of them started seeming normal and behaving.

out of date

I dreamt that I was walking through an apartment building. Something I might have been impressed with in the 80's, but was out of date now. It was an apartment building of quality though. You  needed to know people to get in, be part of their group, but.. maybe that is what was outdated.

I was at an elevator near a gift shop on the main floor. I was on the floor with my suitcase open... trying to look busy while the manager walked by. I wanted to look like I lived there so she wouldn't bother me. Although something felt like I did live there, but ... maybe still didn't belong.

I left the place and into the parking area. I was heading to a friend's wedding. MB and P were finally getting married. There were people from my past there... high school people, not my people either really. I had made some cookies for MB that were stacked like a cake. They were not meant to replace the cake, and they were just an example of something people could nibble before hand. They colors were not ideal though... lavenders and girl colors.  I went to go put some things away and then came back. MB had refrosted them.. in grays and greens. Much more his style, modern, avant garde, neutral... I felt bad.. I wanted to do something nice and was capable, but he didn't get to see my final product.

Then I dreamt that my brother had my mother's old french table we grew up with. He wanted to get rid of it having no idea what it was worth. Even then, he wanted to toss it.

engine

Dreamt then woke up mid sleep... typed it in my phone... No memory left of dream:

I dreamt that I was driving to Oregon City. I was using siri to get there although knew how, wanted to see a different route and there was one.

Kept getting on wrong road, then saw these guys... looked like they were going to an event and needed a ride. They were shaved headed, nude-ish more like covered in body paint to either make a point? be a piece of art... either way it looked like they were trying to do something and I was going to offer just a little help, a ride.  In the car they were nice at first and then we stopped. One stole my car battery. I was so upset.. I needed to get to oregon city. They were just hoodlums, not doing anything special. I called 911, but it just went to some recording with music, no choices to push buttons. I went to the station. She said that she was the only one manning the office that day, so couldn't answer the phones, and I needed help. I see that she had little to provide so I said, When I get my situation figured out, I will call the person for the muscle at the end. I went back... they were all in a woods area where we had parked by the river. They were just sitting and joking. I thought... I'm going to go get that battery. I jumped on the big chubby one and went down to them. I think the chubby one would help me possibly, if I asked. I picked up the battery and walked back up the hill. I opened my hood and my whole engine was now gone. I was furious. I screamed at them... I'm not rich, I don't have money for this. I was going to Oregon City for interviews and I needed this all to work. Something about all that made them decide to give it all back. So I felt a bit of relief. I was still going to go to the police after. There was one leader. A skinny dark haired young guy. He was dark inside as well, bitter, lots of hate in him. He was the only one I needed to keep my eye on.

Sleep writing - conference

Dreamt then woke up mid sleep... typed it in my phone... No memory left of dream:

Gov job. At location sorting, dressed professional, we are at major conference, part if it but not. Lots of suits, end of a meeting, lots of milling about... Me on the periphery

Then woman asking for stuff, two envelopes you have been holding. She wasn't upset. I offered her help, she was happy and nice and willing to train. 

short ones

I dreamt that my dad was thinking about getting back into meditation. We walked by this older, very young-older, Japanese man. He was saying how people were treating meditation as a ??  order placement.. a note to the future saying what they wanted... He was displeased.

Then I dreamt that there was a baby girl. She was wearing a shoe, a new kind for babies. The upper part looked more like a classic shoe, made of a firm material. The bottom was very soft and almost not connected to the upper, so the baby could move naturally.

Then I dreamt that I was moving. I was getting things ready. I went to a woman's house L. She was at home.. also organizing things and reviewing her home set up.

Then I dreamt that ML wanted to date me. There was another couple there. We were nice to each other. mainly because we were nice... I didn't want to be with him, and really I don't think he wanted to be with me.

sparkly eiffel

I dreamt that I was in a room with extended family on my dad's side. People I knew, didn't know, uncomfortable familiarity. Too many people in my space wanting this or that. My nephew was there but but a bit younger than now. A baby and couldn't crawl yet. He was in pink pjs though. My high school sweetheart was in a big chair across the room and I wanted to bring the baby too him. The baby seemed so soft and warm and sweet and I wanted JK to experience it. I walked to him and they had just finished feeding him on the floor. The baby was making awkward chewing faces and his nostrils seemed to stretch as he chewed. It seemed normal and I knew once his mouth was clear, the nostrils would go back to normal size. I didn't care and picked him up mid chew. I wanted to share him. It was such a warm cozy feeling though that I don't think it was the baby. It was almost as if I was the warm cozy... and the baby was just a baby.

Then we exchanged some gifts. My dad and step-mom were openning and both received sparkly eiffel tower statues that were about a foot or so high. They seemed to like them.

...

Then I was in a home. There was an older woman there, but a real go getter. She was about to go jogging and walked down the block in her running gear. There was a picket fence she walked by and there was a coat hanging over the edge. She picked it up as if that was normal, and put it on. I wondered if she thought that was ok to leave her things on other people's fences. It didn't feel right.

...

Then I was a woman in a dream. I had a slick black hair in a pony tail and straight bangs. I was wearing a fitted top, belt and a full skirt. I looked very coiffed. I was with a man in the dream who also had dark hair. I kept being called "mommy" in the dream, but it didn't mean a mother. It meant the person you go to, a matriarch of sorts. I didn't know if I was ready for this name. Did I want to be paired with this man, these people and be in charge....

moving on

I dreamt that AS was done with me and no longer interested. It was necessary for me, yet sad at the same time.

krill baby

I dreamt that I was in the back seat of a black Saab. I was with a man and a woman that both seemed to be coworkers. The woman was older and distinguished, short hair and very professional as well as experienced looking. The man looked younger, maybe early 40s and dark, almost black hair like the Saab and just about as shiny. He seemed more like a salesman type and he wanted something fast. The car was a car a friend of mine was going to sell to me until he found out about an engine problem that he thought I shouldn't risk. The guy was taking it for a test drive.  He was going very fast and taking tight corners. The woman was giving him the back story on the car. I was not very happy. I looked up between the front seats and was looking at the stick shift and the glimmering accents on the car in contrast with the black interior. The car sounded just fine, was driving just fine... Hmmm... He the took a road that went steeply up and then down, and then a turn that looked like a raceway in that it was almost vertical. I felt like he was going too fast. I didn't think the tires had that much tread left on them. At the same time, I really wanted the car. I told him he should watch out.. I might buy it from under him.

Then we stopped. I don't know if we had to stop or the road stopped. And it seemed the car was gone. We started walking towards what seemed like a country club. We were supposed to do some business there. We climbed over a fence and saw that many of the members were involved in some event, and they were walking back to the club house. Some of them were in costume and singing a little song with croquet mallets over their shoulders.

I was walking down a hill with loose dirt on it and there was a chubby red headed man behind me. I tried to be personable and he said hello, that his name was Cliff and he worked at Fred Meyers. I asked where and he kept saying some name, but changing it a bit each time. Oh and this all took place in the UK, and FM is in the West Coast.  I realized then that he was an American. Then he became less interested in talking, so I walked toward the house.

There seemed to be some weddings happening all at once, well the receptions of weddings. In side rooms, here and there you would either find children playing or people getting cozy with each other or straight out having sex.

One fellow and a girl stopped and she had to go. He then was all disheveled and started going towards my directions.  There was a photo of a model dressed in period clothing in a magazine, .. he was commenting that my profile looked like hers. I let him know that I knew what he was up to and he would have no luck with me.  I also realized that even if I had been interested, I was wearing some underthings that were not so attractive, so either way, it was a no go.

Then I walked around the room and I saw a woman with a new baby. It was tiny. She was telling me about the baby that was in a hand knit gray green gown of sorts. It looked like it was born too early and then I saw its finger nails. In my mind I was thinking they were one pixel wide, like that was a normal thing to say, but they were... like a tiny needle of a nail. It looked a bit disturbing, but again, I thought that was normal for a baby born early and had "dream" remembered that I had seen another baby that way. Then I saw on the floor a pink thing. It looked like a cross between the krill characters on Happy Feet 2 and a pink worm/intestine type shape. It was a baby too but VERY prematurely born. But for some reason, that looked normal too. It was crawling all over the place and fast. I thought how odd that a more premature baby could crawl and one born at the normal time couldn't. It didn't make sense logically, but for some reason again it made sense in the dream. 

licorice

I dreamt that I was in a small town. Some place I had visited before and was revisiting favorite places. One was a little store. It had candies, licorice, desserts and coffee. It also had a very sweet store owner that made it worth visiting.  I then was in the other shops near there. My mother was with me and she held up a ring to me... "do you like this one?"... and then went on that I should buy myself my own wedding ring since I was single. It was no reason not to wear a nice ring on that finger. I told her no to that ring. It was too big, although I did like the style. It was a simple band, but had a square diamond with rounded corners in the middle, with tiny diamonds surrounding the edge. I thought it might be nicer to have his... and then corrected myself, my birthstone in the middle. A friend had done this and liked the idea.

Then I found myself alone and sitting on the sidewalk. I realized I was near the shop I liked. I looked up and saw the sign. I hadn't realized all of the photos of the shop were from the other shops, and not from the street where most people would recognize it. I walked over and was now with my friend WW... thinking maybe I would get some licorice. A friend of mine was there, TB. She was having a chocolate torte of sorts with fruit in the middle. It looked good and I thought I might change my mind on the licorice and get the torte.

heavy and light

I dreamt that I was walking to the park with PC, TB and her twins. We all had umbrellas, MB was swinging his around.  I let them all walk ahead of me. I was thinking things that maybe I should be doing to advance myself in my life.. what should I read, I study, I ...  What did I not do enough of in the past that I should have done and so on. It all felt like weight in my belly. Then I thought... is this the way it is supposed to be? Does this feel good this shoulding? I thought about times when I did things beyond what I thought I could do, but where it didn't feel like a chore, or work, or impossible... These were inspired and felt light. These other ideas.. not inspired. They did not go with me and if I did them, would probably be double the work than they should be. I let it all go... I though I will only do inspired action.

Before we arrived to the park, TB's husband said he was so excited that he would be leaving for France for almost a year. That meant a year away from her, the children, the responsibilities. Part of it was him joking, but the other was him really wanting to get back to France where he was from. And maybe in his excitement, being a bit passive aggressive in showing her how much it meant to him... and hoping that she would finally give in and move there too. Him staying felt heavy, him leaving felt light...

He was gone and we were at the park. MB was busy playing and very much in the "now."  LB was deep in thought, contemplating what this all meant. She was sad and heavy that her dad would be leaving. She was taking it on for everyone, even her mother.

Then PC and I were off to sit on some swings. There were large metal dispensers with toilet paper there to refill the bathrooms near by. I thought it was an odd place to put them and odd that no one took them.

china theater

I dreamt that I was going to some sort of esthetics/hair class. I had graduated but needed to come back for a final test of some sort. The original classmates were there and it seemed we finished and were now cleaning up. For some reason, some process required broken cement bits and they were all over the sink I was using. I was busy cleaning it up while the instructor was finishing up the paperwork and our scores. Then I was trying to cut some hair, but the scissors were too dull and I couldn't cut anything. I should buy a new pair. I really needed practice with the hair cutting and thought of an older lady that did it that was good. Maybe she would let me watch her.

AS, a friend of mine was there too. She was doing something similar to myself. There were stations set up behind ours, one of them had a guy classmate. I remembered that I had a crush on him when we took the class before. I heard that he had recently broken up with his girlfriend, which was sad because they had a son and had been together since Junior High. At the same time, my heart was beating and happy that he would be single.

AS and I went to the instructor, we had to pay our balance for our class. I thought I had paid, but then realized it would be $180. The instructor said it would be $810. I was about to tell her then she can forget me paying because I just didn't have it. But then she said $200, and that included some products and some sort of machine. That was better, and better deal.

Then I was home.  The single fella called and we talked for a while. In my mind I was remembering him, tall, thin and a bit wirey and quiet, but I found him very attractive. I was walking around fixing up my house and outdoor area as we talked. I picked up some outdoor cover thing from the patio.. which the borders seemed to be open to the public, almost like a public square, and was going to move it to my bedroom as a canopy. A man had been sitting on the edge of the patio, just outside the border, using it for shade. I hoped he didn't mind. Then I was rearranging other items as well. People seemed to be appreciating my work.

We continued to chat and it was nice... then a thought popped in my mind of dating him and  all of a sudden I didn't find him attractive anymore. I realized we chatted really nicely though... hmmm. He started asking if I wanted to go to a movie at the Fu-something Theater (it was a Chinese name). I knew where it was, in an old China Town district. Did I want to go. I think I acted like I wasn't on the phone. I wasn't ready to answer. He kept on talking while I was moving things in silence. Finally I answered back like I just realized the conversation was still going and said yes.

I went to meet him at the movie. I told him AS would be going to with her son. I don't think he wanted her to but was ok with it. We sat in a room that was small, the walls were open tothe outside, red pillars at each corner and a yellow Chinese style roof. There was a little screen in the front and we all sat in normal wooden dining type chairs. I thought we were going to see some old black and white Asian film, but it was a newer one... well, maybe the 70s. It seemed kind of dated. AS sat behind us with her son.  We watched and two lady cops were on the screen. They were in civilian clothing, but were some sort of detectives. One had her here in a french roll and the other had short hair and was very masculine. At one point they kissed and it was really noisey and wet, kind of off  putting. I think the director meant to do this... kind of an in your face, over the top, supposed to be funny, but really wasn't sort of thing. As they walked of the scene towards the camera, the speed was more slow motion, and they were laughing and saying to each other that that was disgusting, but slow enough that we were not really supposed to hear, but you could read the lips. I think they wanted them walking off in the scene, but not that talking.

We finished the movie and were going to go shopping. We were talking about how to save money at different shops, at same time saying you also couldn't drive to all of the shops, because your savings would be put into gas money. We went into an Asian store and he said he wanted chicken. He picked up a stick that had three small whole chickens on it with a container of mandarins. He showed it to me and laughed.

Then I was buying something... some large heavy thing he would move for me to my car. I also bought a statue that I would move. I had the feet of the statue in my hands and the rest of the body down my back. It was very easy to carry that way and I was kind of proud of myself for figuring it out. The statue was actually heavier than what he was carrying, but his was larger and more noticeable. He seemed to get lots of fun comments from people and he commented cheerily back. I noticed... maybe I was a bit jealous.. the statue slipped but flipped around and I caught it just before the head hit the ground. I then walked up to him and we put things in car.

Then by the stores, there was a procession of Chinese in their traditional clothing. There was a chubby Chinese lady holding  his son. She was wearing a royal blue satin outfit and seemed very happy. My friend was "riding" a horse down some stairs with another man. It was some sort of ancient way of riding. The mens' legs were tied to one front leg of the horse and one back leg of the horse (impossible) and the horse walked down the stairs sideways, but as a human would in that it was right front leg, right back leg and so on. Somehow it worked, and in the dream seemed like it would be better for horse to balance, slow and steady.

cobblestone fence

I dreamt that I was at a nice hotel at some resort. I was in one room and SA was in another. I almost felt like we were there for work and were collaborating on something.   I had a guy friend..?? boyfriend?? in my room and he didn't know about it. He wanted to meet really quick before we checked out, so I met him in the lobby. I was a little anxious to get back to my room and pack up before we had to check out.   We talked about this and that and he had to run off to somewhere else. He had left his phone book? and some other item. I grabbed them to give to him later and I went to pack up. All the while, feeling anxious.

Then I left to go meet my family. They were at the same resort area and going to stay in a nice hotel just down the road. I wanted to see if CC had reserved our room. I saw her on the walk over and spent the whole time saying all of the excuses why she had not done it on time... and not really answering my question. Then I went into the hotel and we had the last suite of rooms. They were all connected, very fancy but there was not enuogh froom for us all. My aunt and uncle had one room, my brother another, my dad and step mom another and the one room left, my dad had his weights and laptop in for an office. Which ever space I would sleep in would not be my space. I wasn't very happy about it.

I started walking back from the other hotel... I went through the lobby doors and there was an older couple walking beside me. They were chatting and laughing together and still very much in love with each other and life. I took a peek at their faces... There was no shred of evidence left of their youth or what their faces may have looked like in the past... all leathered, spotted and heavily lined, but still a lot of life left in their eyes and their hearts.

Then I continued to walk down the cobbled path and started walking on the stone fence... It became more and more steep on the one side and a sharp edge on the side closest to the driveway. I should just jump off into the grass and walk... or jump to the cobblestone... I didn't like either option and leapt forward and into the street. It felt freeing. 

cafe

I dreamt that I was in a cafe that was also sort of a high end resale shop. I was looking through the clothing, a lot of it not really my taste, but was thinking maybe I could find something. The moment actually stressed me out a bit. Why put time into something when I wasn't enjoying myself, I didn't like most of it and I could most likely find something better for less with ease.  Also, why did I go to this coffee shop? I didn't care for it too much either. The energy felt low and depressing... it was just that it was unique and I found it??

I left and for some reason ran into JLB and TMB. They were talking about the cafe that they had found (same one) and kind how great it was. Part of me felt  tension... I found it... but... really, why did I care??

lizard virus

I dreamt that I was going somewhere with someone. She was this friend, although I don't know who she is, and in the dream she seemed somewhat of a new friend, because I didn't know what she liked and didn't. We needed to turn around on a road and go in the opposite direction. When we did, we noticed the road was out, as in gone. Construction was being done and there was no way to drive through. I was driving a small cat type tractor and my friend had a car. There was a huge, maybe 4 stories or taller tractor working on the road. The man driving smiled and picked up my vehicle with the claw and picked me way up into the air. It was kind of fun to be so high, but it was also like a carnival ride. On the way down he went really fast and my stomach got that half thrill half sick feeling you do when you descend in a roller coaster. I wanted to watch as he did the same with my friend to see if she made any funny faces.  Then we were outside of a house. It felt like it was at the edge of town, as there was a gravel driveway, and an unfinished feel to the edges of the property. It was also at the edge of a ravine or hill and you could see out far. I had my laptop sitting on a stump and was working on something, when some strange software popped up on my screen. It looked like some sort of worm or virus. I picked up my laptop worried and saw that there was a lizardy gecko looking thing under it. I figured it must have been from that animal. It was normal except for the back down the middle had a wide stripe of blue that wasn't like skin or scales, but more like a strip of technical hardware and lights. It was too bad it was cute, because I wanted it gone if it was going to cause damage.

I went into the house and into my room. I had made my bed and it was covered with faux fur blankets. An Asian girl came in, one of the home dwellers, and she was friendly and seemed to want to  help me. I didn't need any and left my room for a bit. When I returned, my blankets were not laid out. They were all folded but didn't look like them. I looked closer and she had washed them, which in turn ruined them. A mix of irritation, frustration and disappointment washed through me. I explained that these can't be washed, they need to be cleaned as you would real fur at a special place. One of the blankets was a silvery blanket, which would never have bought had it not been abnormally soft. She didn't seem bothered that she hurt anything. Not maliciously... just that she did me a favor and that was that, I should be happy. While I was explaining I knew it was pointless at the same time. It wouldn't fix the blankets. She wouldn't get it either way. Just move on just move on...

Then I heard a noise in my closet. Her mother, much taller and refined looking came out with some of my clothes... more frustration burning inside me. I knew to be polite and just listen and see what would happen. She was holding an elegant nightgown in white. It was beautiful, and in the dream, a treasure of mine... that I might never where, but I loved to look at it, the delicateness of it, detailed stitching, the sheer fabric... it was more of a piece of art to me. She was also holding another favored dress of mine that was meant for a formal evening. She looked at them with a raised eye brow and asked what I called these.... mainly meaning the nightgown. I said it was a nightgown and that it was special and never worn, but I would wear it and would like to keep it nice. More than the words, the feeling behind them was strong and solid wanting her to know that I don't care what her opinion is of them, they were staying.